inventor
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Stolen!
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Stolen!
pidgiepoo
Contributor
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
> carton of milk,
> and if they have eggs, get 6."
> A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
> The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
> He replied, "They had eggs."
> (I'm sure you're going back to read it again!)
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
> carton of milk,
> and if they have eggs, get 6."
> A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
> The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
> He replied, "They had eggs."
> (I'm sure you're going back to read it again!)
Proof that men DO remember:
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband
is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to
look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip
of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps in to
the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th
Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago
when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,'
he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that
her husband is so caring and sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back
seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself in to a
chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he
shoved the shotgun in my face and said,'Either you
marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said
'I would have gotten out today. I would be a free man'
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband
is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to
look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip
of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps in to
the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th
Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago
when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,'
he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that
her husband is so caring and sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back
seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself in to a
chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he
shoved the shotgun in my face and said,'Either you
marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said
'I would have gotten out today. I would be a free man'
augk
Contributor
Oh crap I'm only halfway there. :depressed:
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Happy Hour in Newfoundland
A Newfie is driving down a road in Newfoundland .
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
'Lord tundering Jesus' he says to himself,..... 'my tree favourite tings!!
A Newfie is driving down a road in Newfoundland .
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
'Lord tundering Jesus' he says to himself,..... 'my tree favourite tings!!
pidgiepoo
Contributor
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 am and is asked where he is
going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on family life and the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of
night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife
going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on family life and the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of
night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife
Three married guys die and meet Saint Peter
at the pearly gates.
Peter asks the first guy, "Did you ever cheat
on your wife?"
The guy answers truthfully, "Every chance
I got."
Peter points to two doors, telling the guy to
enter the second one. He then turns to the
second guy, asking him, "Did you ever cheat
on your wife?"
"A couple of times," the guy mutters.
Peter tells him to take door two. Peter asks
the third guy, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"
The guy thinks for a couple of seconds and
says, "Well, once. You see, I was in this
saloon in Texas, and I noticed they only
had one cowgirl working there to take care
of all of the guys. I asked the bartender how
come, and he said 'Well, she's all we need.
That filly can suck a baseball bat through a
garden hose.' So that's when I cheated on
my wife."
Peter then told the guy to enter door number
one.
The guy asks, "What's the deal? You sent the
others to door number two?"
Peter says, "Yes, and they are both going to
hell. But you and I are going to Texas!"..
at the pearly gates.
Peter asks the first guy, "Did you ever cheat
on your wife?"
The guy answers truthfully, "Every chance
I got."
Peter points to two doors, telling the guy to
enter the second one. He then turns to the
second guy, asking him, "Did you ever cheat
on your wife?"
"A couple of times," the guy mutters.
Peter tells him to take door two. Peter asks
the third guy, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"
The guy thinks for a couple of seconds and
says, "Well, once. You see, I was in this
saloon in Texas, and I noticed they only
had one cowgirl working there to take care
of all of the guys. I asked the bartender how
come, and he said 'Well, she's all we need.
That filly can suck a baseball bat through a
garden hose.' So that's when I cheated on
my wife."
Peter then told the guy to enter door number
one.
The guy asks, "What's the deal? You sent the
others to door number two?"
Peter says, "Yes, and they are both going to
hell. But you and I are going to Texas!"..
augk
Contributor
see below
Last edited:
augk
Contributor
So I Guess this means Obamas Kids are going to Harvard Like dear old dad and will be reading the Boston Globe.
sctom
Contributor
Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. One Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over, lifts up her dress, yanks down her britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out the food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it".:mooner:
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