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Nice ride mlkco



Finally
>- - An answer I can Understand.


> An American tourist asks an Irishman:
> "Why do Scuba divers always fall
> Backwards off their boats?"


> To which the Irishman replies:
> "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the
> f*<kin&#8217; boat."
 
Nice ride mlkco



Finally
>- - An answer I can Understand.


> An American tourist asks an Irishman:
> "Why do Scuba divers always fall
> Backwards off their boats?"


> To which the Irishman replies:
> "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the
> f*<kin’ boat."
Thanks
I like that one.
It is like,
My daughter when she was 5 and we were in Hawaii asked a lady she didn't know, while they were looking at flamingos "Why do the flamingos stand on one leg.
The lady answered to conserve body heat.
My daughter said Noooo! because if they lift the other one they will fall over"
She knew immediately that she had been had
 
THE ITALIAN WEDDING

TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful

girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was

twenty-two, wore very

tight mini skirts, and generally was

bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice

view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone

else.

One day her 'little' sister called and

asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to

me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she

couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life

to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't

say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my

bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get

me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I

watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a

beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight

towards my car.

Lord... And behold, my entire future

family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law

hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better

man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story

is:

Always keep your condoms in your

car.
 
Obama says he will be making no more public speeches in South Carolina .... He claims every time he gets up on stage to make a speech, some South Carolina cotton farmer starts bidding on him.
 
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air
Conditioner. Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs
or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max,
invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.


The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office
and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four
gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in
the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They
refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking
lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car,
which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner,
and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the
office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2
million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label,
'The Goldberg Air Conditioner' on the dashboard of each car
in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic,
and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name
on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about
two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just
their first names would be shown.


And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo,
Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
 
THE
NEXT SURVIVOR
SERIES
Six married men

will be dropped on an island
with one car
and 3 kids each

for six weeks..

Each kid will play two sports
and take either music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.


Each man must

take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
complete science projects,
cook,
do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.


In addition,

each man
will have to budget enough money
for groceries each week.

Each man
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child
to a doctor's appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes
for a school function.

Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside, and keeping it
presentable at all times.


The men will only have access to television

when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn themselves with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished,

and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks,

the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches,
have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down
from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings
and church,
and find time at least once to spend
the afternoon at the park or a similar
setting.


They will need to read a book to the kids each night
and in the morning,
feed them,

dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair
by 7:30 am.


A test will be given
at the end of the six weeks,
and each father will be required to know

all of the following information:
each child's
birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size,
doctor's name,
the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,
and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...
he still
has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.


If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25 years,
eventually earning the right
to be called Mother!


After you get done laughing,
send this to as many females as
you think will get a kick out of it and
as many men as you think can handle it.


Just don't send it back to me....

I'm going to bed
 
Newfie Recliner

If only I had realized what these were actually for, I too could have been a city employee
att1111.jpg
 
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --


Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.



CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY
 

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