Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[sandmanz32]

Lol, no I found it on the web somewhere. I wish I'd thought of that first, but alas, I cannot claim it as my own. Id only pay 20 bux if i get to taze them somewhere funny.

 

[ohmdiver]

<<<< My new tattoo!

 

[sandmanz32]

^^^^ Man that is awesome!

 

[dpbishop]

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad
news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate
when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have
cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.' After 3 or 4
martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some
laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the
woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've
been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty
retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, '
Mom ma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told our
friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after
I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'

 

[WOODMAN]

I was told this by a friend in Darwin--

An Australian tour guide was driving a busload of tourists around in the outback, when he came across an aborigine lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed to the blacktop. Recognizing the man, the guide stopped and said to the tour group "That's Jacko, one of the local trackers. He can track anything through any kind of terrain. It looks like he's on something now, so lets go out and see what's up." They all got out and clustered around the man on the blacktop, and the guide knelt down next to him and said "Jacko-what have you got?" The aborigine wheezed once, and then said "There is a 1972 Dodge Dart about ten miles from here on this road traveling north. The tires are all bald, and the rear springs are shot. There are 2 men and a 12 year old boy inside, and both of the men are drunk and the boy is driving. There is a case of beer in the back seat, and a dead kangaroo on the roof." The guide was mightily impressed, and said "Wow, Jacko, how could you tell all that by just lying here?" "Easy, mate" Jacko replied, " I just fell off the bloody thing ten minutes ago!"

Genuine Australian humor for your edification and amusement. Woody

 

[mts0628]

...If you think education is difficult, Try being stupid....

I'd tell the guy, "If you're gonna be stupid then you'd better be tough!"

Here's a few:

A duck walks into a drugstore, waddles up to the Pharmacist and says, "Excuse me. Can you give me some Chapstick and put it on my bill?!" That just quacks me up!
___________________________________________________________

So, a skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a beer and a mop!"
___________________________________________________________

A snail is strolling through a park, when he is attacked by 2 turtles.
The turtles beat up the snail, rob him and leave him lying on his back.
Later when the police were interviewing the snail they asked him what happened.
The snail says:" I don't know it all happened so fast!!"
___________________________________________________________

What did the snail say when he was on the back of a turtle?
WWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
___________________________________________________________

Have you heard about the special edition, North Carolina Barbie? She comes with a trailer, a TV with bunny ears, 7 kids, a meth lab, and two cars on blocks!

 

[santafejoe]

Guts or Balls.

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.

 

[pidgiepoo]

Been in the medical field for almost 40 years now, and this is the first time I've heard those particular definitions.

 

[mts0628]

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[Deefstes]

That one cracked me up!