Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[santafejoe]

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs .
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S ) by Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: N umber 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

[Jcsgt]

Those were great, Joe!

 

[santafejoe]

More to come.

 

[santafejoe]

LETTERS THAT EVEN "DEAR ABBY" ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER

Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?


Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On my VCR?


Dear Abby,

I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.


Dear Abby,

I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.


Dear Abby,

I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.


Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?


Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?


Dear Abby,

My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $150.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.


Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.


Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.


Dear Abby,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

 

[sandshaker]

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *****.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the $h*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his *****.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

[ThatsSomeBadHatHarry]

hahaaaaaa hilarious

 

[santafejoe]

Way to go Sandshaker i LMFAO

 

[sandshaker]

Check this one out!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtWEkcyCd6g&eurl=

 

[santafejoe]

Thats a good one Sandshaker.

 

[ThatsSomeBadHatHarry]

now THAT is a John Madden impression