The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
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The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
santafejoe
Contributor
My wife loves to spend seems like hours shopping at Target. I can get what I need and be in and out. She is always dragging me there on her trips and I just hate it! Well, seems like my problems are solved (and another created). She got this letter from them today -
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but certainly not least:
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Sincerely,
Target Management.
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but certainly not least:
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Sincerely,
Target Management.
SeaHorse81
Contributor
The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
burna
Contributor
Hahaha!
Man! This guy cracks me up.
"I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot."
Man! This guy cracks me up.
"I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot."
burna
Contributor
And something for Christmas.
Space 1999 & other Christmas Classics > 27bslash6 Online Store
Some reviews.
Giving the gift of sound this Christmas. Everyone has been extremely pleased so far.
Space 1999 & other Christmas Classics > 27bslash6 Online Store
Some reviews.
Giving the gift of sound this Christmas. Everyone has been extremely pleased so far.
pidgiepoo
Contributor
GOLF PANTIES
> The Swede's wife steps
up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her
skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you
wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
> Well, you don't give
me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately
reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50.
Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
>
> Next, the
Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up
to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary,
woman! You've no knickers. Why not?' She replies, 'I can't afford any on
the money you give me.' Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake
of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some
underwear!'
>
> Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends
over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too,
is naked under it. 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer
drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta
affarrd any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer
the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a
bit."
> The Swede's wife steps
up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her
skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you
wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
> Well, you don't give
me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately
reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50.
Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
>
> Next, the
Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up
to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary,
woman! You've no knickers. Why not?' She replies, 'I can't afford any on
the money you give me.' Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake
of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some
underwear!'
>
> Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends
over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too,
is naked under it. 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer
drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta
affarrd any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer
the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a
bit."
pidgiepoo
Contributor
GUESS WHERE I AM NOW
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried
Chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right,
everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried
Chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and
he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love
animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what
happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal
was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd
asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make
them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office
again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried
Chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right,
everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried
Chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and
he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love
animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what
happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal
was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd
asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make
them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office
again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...
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