Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[Ed L.]

Ole and Sven are talking in Sven's front yard about what he should with the family of skunks living underneath his front porch.
Ole says, "how bout' some o' dat rat poison?"
"Nope, they's too smart an won't eat it"

Ole says, "how bout' a big ol conybear trap?"
"Nope, might get a dog kilt in there if i do dat"

Then Ole says, "LUTEFISK, skunks hate lutefisk, put dat under der, drive em out fer sure."

So Sven gets Helga to cook him up a huge batch of lutefisk. He puts it under the porch and waits.

Three days later Ole asks Sven about his skunk problem.
"Oh the skunks are gone" says Sven, "but now i gots anoder problem"
"Whats dat?" asks Ole

"Now i got a whole family of Norwegians livin' under my porch!!!!"

 

[pidgiepoo]

Swimming.wmv (3982KB)

 

[Ed L.]

Thought I would jump in and save this thread from dissapearing into the netherworld.

I also think tha in order to post something a person should be required to read the whole post (ALL 113 pages before posting and not repeating a joke).

Having said that all that I dont think this one has been posted before. And therefore acting as a reasonably prudent person would here we go.

It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."
They were singing it beautifully. But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.

A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then approached the conductor.

"I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."

"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.

"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"

"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor...

"They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

 

[Deefstes]

I remember walking past that asylum once and I heard this chanting of the number "twenty four, twenty four, twenty four" coming from behind the wall. I was very curious to know what this was all about and I noticed there was a little hole in the wall so I looked through it. But just as I put my eye to the hole someone poked his finger through it and hit me in the eye. Then all of a sudden the chanting changed to "twenty five, twenty five, twenty five".

 

[pidgiepoo]

I apologize if I have repeated a joke on this thread, but I don't always have time to read the previous ones. Please just skip/ignore the joke if you have seen it before..or let me know if you want me to stop posting....thanks



A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital." How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. The young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate & a Viagra tablet .. and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

"What are you people doing?" he says, "I am told you are giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replied the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate & a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep...and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

 

[Cerebral_Origami]

A student nurse was being shown around the burn ward in the ICU where she had to evaluate a patient and prescribe the proper medication.

After evaluating on patient with burns on the lower half of his body she wrote her recommendations down and turned them in.

Her instructer gave her high marks but noted that she failed to prescribe viagra to the patient.

She said: "Why in the world would a burn patient need viagra?"
The instructor replied:" To keep the sheet off his legs."

 

[m3830431]

another bad one for viagra

 

[dive bandit]

ouch!!!!!!!

 

[mike_s]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.


Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.


The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.


The little boy says , "Dark in here."

The man says , "Yes , it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No , thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK , how much?"

Boy - "$150"

Man - "Sold."


In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.


Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes , it is."

Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."

The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"

Boy - "$350"

Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."



A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."

The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"

The boy says , "$500"

The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.


I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.


The boy says , "Dark in here."

The priest says , "Don't start that s**t again , you're in my closet now!!

 

[ScubaSteve]

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.

We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."