Personal Incident

[SteveDiver]

Well, the big deal is that she's your wife, and because of that factor alone, she's much more than a buddy. Even so, while she was in distress, I wouldn't say that she paniced until the octo grab. Sometime in the near future, have her recount what she thought was happening throughout the dive and especially the moment when she grabbed the octo.

My one real critique: never leave your buddy, especially a distressed one. You should have gone to the safety stop with her and NOT attempted to inform the DM.

And as a personal note: NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR WIFE WHEN DIVING.

I agree 100% next time do not worry about alerting the DM that you are going up, take care of you and your buddy first before worrying about telling your DM what you are doing. The time it took to alert the DM may have been detrimental in air-consumption and the stress your wife experienced. Normally, your DM will be aware of your actions because as "good DM's" they should be aware of the divers that they are leading.

Also, some new divers may freak out at 500 because some gauges are in the red. It is advisable to come up with air (my rule of thumb is up on 500). You may want to take her to a pool, have her in the water with 500 and let her see how long it lasts and what it feels like when the air is getting low. If you own your equipment this would be a good idea however due to the variance of rented gear it is essential that she understands that different equipment operates differently and air consumption varies at different depths.

 

[pelan-pelan]

We do the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" - regularly check one another's gauges. We have an idea of how different they should be. This may also help avoid mistakes if using unfamiliar gear with unfamiliar dial displays. Should the gauges show any unexpected difference - then we both can see it and start carrying out necessary checks/agreed action/safety stop etc.

And about holding hands - are her hands large enough to confidently hold your forearm as shown in the pictures in the books? If not, decide and practice holding straps.

Enjoy diving together.

 

[VAtravelers]

My husband and I are dive buddies, and he is much more comfortable in the water than I am. I would prefer he stay within an arm's reach, but he feels comfortable wandering 30 feet away, for example. I have found that it helps to have our own signals because he sometimes has wandered off when I have felt anxious.

I have a 1-5 rating for anxiety that I can give him, and he knows that if I show even a 1 or 2, then he needs to stay by me. If I ever reach 5 (which I would have on one dive if we had developed our system at that point), then he would need to maintain physical contact with me until I tell him I'm okay.

My anxiety has decreased now with more experience, but I think it's especially important for buddies who are spouses to respect one another underwater.

 

[ladycute1]

I should first say that I haven't read every single response to this thread yet.... but, I did want to offer a suggestion.

I'd like to recommend that from time to time divers should dive with different buddies. For example, I have been diving with a number of women who have said that they had never been diving with anyone other than their husband. I was honored that they were willing to trust me to be their "first" non- significant other dive buddy... but that's besides the point... When they dove with their husband, they brought with them their relationship dynamic... also, if the husband was the stronger diver, they never had the opportunity to fully understand their own competence.

In each case, at the end of our dives I heard comments about how much more comfortable they now felt, or what they had learned about their diving.

Diving with someone different every once in awhile gives you a chance to check some of your habits... and just in general can lead to a greater level of comfort.

Besides that, I'm always looking for a buddy..... so if everyone else stays buddied up, I'm gonna have to seriously take up solo diving :blinking:

 

[b1gcountry]

Besides that, I'm always looking for a buddy..... so if everyone else stays buddied up, I'm gonna have to seriously take up solo diving :blinking:

Join the Dark Side!

I have noticed the same thing about switching partners when dancing (we took dance classes before the wedding.) Dancing with the same person all the time you can anticipate what they want to do. Dancing with someone else you have to pay more attention to you leads and actually do them right.

Diving with the same person you could fall into the same thing I guess.

Thanks, Tom

 

[sunnyboy]

My husband and I are dive buddies, and he is much more comfortable in the water than I am. I would prefer he stay within an arm's reach, but he feels comfortable wandering 30 feet away, for example. I have found that it helps to have our own signals because he sometimes has wandered off when I have felt anxious.

I have a 1-5 rating for anxiety that I can give him, and he knows that if I show even a 1 or 2, then he needs to stay by me. If I ever reach 5 (which I would have on one dive if we had developed our system at that point), then he would need to maintain physical contact with me until I tell him I'm okay.

My anxiety has decreased now with more experience, but I think it's especially important for buddies who are spouses to respect one another underwater.

A buddy should not be wandering 30ft away. That is not a buddy. In an emergency, 30ft is a very long distance.

-S

 

[truant]

My main dive buddy is my wife also, but the difference to the OP is we started together right from dive #1. One thing I have noticed (and talked to her about) is the whole 'domestic' scene under water. When your buddy is also your spouse I feel that there can be quite a potential for a simple misunderstanding to turn into a full on 'I am pissed off with you' situation.
It happened once with us and it was a simple misunderstanding about who was 'leading' the dive. I could see she was pissed off with me so when we got back on the boat we both sat down and really did our best to promise NEVER EVER get pissed off with each other under water. If the other person screws up, we have vowed to be extra patient with each other and then talk about it on the boat.

Anyone in any normal sort of long term relationship probably understands that sometimes small things can quickly become a bone of contention (above or below the surface) so changing the mentality from 'spouse' to 'buddy' while diving is an important step. Letting passion flare underwater is dangerous.

(BTW, I am not in any way suggesting this was the case in the OP, but reading this thread made me think about the 'spouse factor')

 

[Mike Edmonston]

My main dive buddy is my wife also, but the difference to the OP is we started together right from dive #1. One thing I have noticed (and talked to her about) is the whole 'domestic' scene under water. When your buddy is also your spouse I feel that there can be quite a potential for a simple misunderstanding to turn into a full on 'I am pissed off with you' situation.
It happened once with us and it was a simple misunderstanding about who was 'leading' the dive. I could see she was pissed off with me so when we got back on the boat we both sat down and really did our best to promise NEVER EVER get pissed off with each other under water. If the other person screws up, we have vowed to be extra patient with each other and then talk about it on the boat.

Anyone in any normal sort of long term relationship probably understands that sometimes small things can quickly become a bone of contention (above or below the surface) so changing the mentality from 'spouse' to 'buddy' while diving is an important step. Letting passion flare underwater is dangerous.

(BTW, I am not in any way suggesting this was the case in the OP, but reading this thread made me think about the 'spouse factor')

My wife and I have a little "signal" that we use when we think that we got under each other's skin underwater. She will pull the reg out of her mouth and stick her tongue out at me! That way I know that "IN HER EYES" no matter how missguided she may be :blinking: , I am being a D!CK. At that point I give her the OK, and We relax and keep diving. It's worked so far.

I'll do the same thing to her if I feel she's being irrational :mooner: .

Hope that helps

Cheers

Mike