I have been reading these and will add my challenges. I will say before all this I had never had a panic attack before.
I started diving in Okinawa in 96 and stopped diving in 2000 as it was one more expensive hobby I was not doing with my new bride.
2022 my wife says I am thinking about learning to dive are you interested in getting back into it. I said yes. She didn't know the monster she would release as diving for me was all consuming earlier. we did class and I had a back issue and so had to delay from Dec to Feb 2023. I also did my dry suit cert. My wife ended up finishing her cert in Hawaii. I started diving with Richard from Dive-Tronix as he was a neighbor. If you have not worked with him and his wife, they are amazingly awesome people. I dove with him for a while and started talking about side mount. He introduced me to a retired UTD instructor that was also the retired DSO at the aquarium. Both of these gentlemen are my mentors and have been very giving with their time and Knowledge. I feel very lucky to be able to improve my skills with them.
I had never felt panicked while diving and back in the day diving with fellow Marines we would train shutting off air and taking mask, etc. At least on the ones that were very comfortable under water. Even getting back into diving I felt comfortable. Take my mask off, or what ever.
I thought I was doing pretty good and went with the dive club to Deception Pass. I had been in current before, but I think this dive had gotten into my mind. I was diving Nitrox32 and shortly after the wall started breathing pretty heavy. There was a down current that brought us to 70ft and then an up current. I was trying to slow my accent and sliced up my dry gloves on the barnacles. I had wrist seals so no flooding. other issues I had was with breathing so heavy I think I put myself into a Co2 loop and when I turned my head the current pushed water on the exhaust valve injecting water to my throat. I was so close to the surface trying not to just bolt as I had slowed my accent down, but didn't do my safety stop. I was under the bridge hanging on trying to catch my breath. Saying to myself I F-cked up. I was trying to signal my dive partner as I lost him. I guess everyone lost their dive partners, not great. After a bit I swam to the next little inlet and and chilled for a minute. My dive partner then popped up. We talked a bit and then swam back to the beach. I was humbled by that dive. I called my mentor and told him I messed up. I said all the things I did wrong and what I should have done. He said well you covered everything, just learn from it.
I then had two more dives that crabbing that went fine.
End of August I was diving with Jeff doing drills with side mount and scooter. I went to do something I have done a million times for the drills which was flooding my mask. All of a sudden panic hit me I controlled it, but felt I would loose it doing the next drill of mask removal. I thumbed the dive and Jeff confirmed. even though we were at 25 ft we didn't just go to the surface, but stopped at 15 and 10. When we were up I told Jeff what happened and tried to just do flooding on the surface, but the panic came back. I still needed to recover the my DSMB that I was using for drills. We went back down and while I was focused on the recovery all panic went away. We puttered around then back towards the shore I started flooding and removing my mask with no issues.
I went diving on the Sept 6th and most of the dive I felt like I just didn't want to be there at 70' and had to control my panic feeling.
this was the day after the 3 year anniversary of our 14 year old son drowning in a river. I thought the dive would reset me, but it didn't. I got done with the dive and felt alright.
That Sunday night my wife started screaming during a dream. She has done this once in a while and I just wake her up and calm her down and go back to bed. This time I get up go use the rest room and lay down with the Cpap and start having a full blown panic attack where I feel I can't breath and tingling arms. Next night I was good, but the night after I was up all night long. From there it just seemed like everything was putting me into fight or flight. The put me on some meds for short term and while and I talked to my shrink that night he gave me some tools to use. Basically saying I can breath and if I have a panic attack it will not feel good, but it will not kill me. I then run it to ground from there. I had to use the reg in the tub and under 3" of water I felt panic. I kept doing it until the panic eased. I did it the next day and felt no panic. The next week no panic either. I then used my reg in the hot tub with no issue.
Since that I have not had a panic attack. I have had one dive with my mentor Jeff where we did 85 minute dive and several sets of drill 6. We also did out of air drills with long hose. I had no issue. A week later I dived with a new mask and going down I started to feel some anxiety I get to the bottom and my dive partner asked me if I was ok I said so so. He just made the signal for breathing, which I was focusing on. 60 seconds later I was good to go. We had a great dive.
I will probably have to work through more issue, but I feel I have the tools to resolve this.
I also think I might need to think a bit more about our son anniversary in Sept and maybe I just need time out for that month or a couple weeks before and after the date.
Martin