One for the ladies

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cdiver2

Contributor
Messages
3,783
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8
Location
Safety Harbor (West central) GB xpat
# of dives
500 - 999
A WOMAN OVER 50

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "what are you thinking?" She dosen't care what you think.

A woman over 50 know herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is and what she wants and from whom.

Few women past past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she dosen't trust the guy with other women. Women over 50 couldn't care less if your attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.

A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if your acting like one! You dont ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart well-coiffed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
 
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,
of
course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their
perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the
side
of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to
help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple
loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving
along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the
accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?


Scroll down for the answer.

















































Answer:

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is
no such thing as a perfect man.



**** Women- stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.



**** Men- keep scrolling.





















































So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

Men - Keep scrolling





















































By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates another point:

Women never listen :11:
 
King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom an! d began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelo! t, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothin g was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.


Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered .. is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would he! nceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
OKAY?

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
 
sharkdiver00:
King Arthur and the Witch

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.


Very nice history !

Yes, we want to be in control of our own life !!!!!!!!
 
cdiver2:
A WOMAN OVER 50

I turn 50 in 2006 and I'm looking forward to it! 40 was so great that 50 will be even better! My husband turns 60 in June. We're going to Vegas to celebrate!

At 50 you're old enough to know who you are, what you want, and how to get it!
 
I turn 50 in 2006 and I'm looking forward to it! 40 was so great that 50 will be even better! My husband turns 60 in June. We're going to Vegas to celebrate!
we should get together and celebrate, I also turn 50 in 2006 and hope to spend it diving :11:

At 50 you're old enough to know who you are, what you want, and how to get it!

too true, guess we've been practicing to achieve perfection !!!
 
These are all great. Thanks for sharing..from one that is now closer to 50 then 40. :)
 

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