"Oh, you're a diver too?"

[Walter]

Carla,

Are you talking about the gentleman who in July accepted being referred to as Mr. Nitrox Babe?

Hey, if he gets too big for his britches, calmly remind him he's only a PADI instructor.

 

[DrySuitDave]

A very slender yet muscular toned woman goes with her husband to a trade show for ballet. The female dancers at a booth talk primarily to her......are they engaging in boorish, sexist behavior discriminating against her husband, or are they just making a rapid statistical assessment?

I would think that anyone assuming that only the guy in a couple at a booth for Beneath the Sea dives a drysuit is not making a sexist statement against women, they are just making a rapid assessment that although statistically in their favor, a more gentlemanly, thoughtful thing is to politely inquire: Do both of you dive drysuits? Here in SoCal, 2/3rds of divers use wetsuits, and of the women divers which might make up 20% of a dive charter, even less have drysuits then guys. And way more guys dive then women, jsut as I run into alot more guys mountain biking then women.

I have been on local dive club charters where the women outnumber the guys, and have seen some of them decked out in the coolest quality gear. One woman had on a DUI CF200 custom drysuit with DUI rockboots and the whole rig.....I went up to her, touched her drysuit, and said; "Can I stand next to you?" which she recognized as a humor based pseudo-subservient compliment to her on her equipment choice. She got a kick out of it...turned out she was an instructor-no wonder why she got the big $ stuff-----employee discount! lol.

As to the woman becoming a DM in a relationship, guys receive constant reinforcment that to be worthy of and to attract females, males must be alphamales. Anything less can make a guy feel less of a man.

As an example, I had a girlfriend who liked to do scultptures and paint them. She asked me if I wanted to try it one evening, I said sure, and off I was. It came out much better then hers even thouigh it was my first crack at it, and it hurt her self esteem because painting them was her "thing". Imagine you were an expert at piano playing and were admired by many. You get into a relationship with a guy and he takes up piano playing upon your suggestion, picks it up really quick and is now better than you, so he is the now the center of attention. It may understandably bruise your ego.

Just think how awesome it is that your guy takes something so exciting in his life and wants that joy to be something he does and shares with you. It is the ultimate compliment.

 

[JRScuba]

Actually it's more like a battle of the EGO. The way I see it, if you want something go for it. Should you decide not to, it is your decisoin not anyone else's. This man-woman thing is getting so played out it's rediculous.
Life has it's ups and downs and I've had my share of them. It does not pay to look back at what you could have done. Look to the future as to what you want to do.

Botom line if you wanted it bad enough, you would have done it.

 

[SubMariner]

Just wondering if any of ya'll other women out there get this kind of stuff. Perhaps I'm being a bit oversensitive, but I'm very tired of getting "Oh, you're a diver too?" from people.

My husband recently completed his Instructor training and it seems like this wonderful pastime of OURS has suddenly become a wonderful pastime of HIS. It's not about US, it's definately not about ME, it's about HIM.

BTW, up until about a month ago, he actively discouraged me from pursuing a professional dive rating: he alone wanted to be the big cheese. Now he's changed his mind, and says he'd like me to become "his divemaster". Or maybe I could become an instructor too, he says, and teach photography and buoyancy while he takes on more technical topics. Feh.

Any comments????? Anybody else have this kind of problem?

1. Do you dive for HIM, or do you dive for YOU? What are YOUR dive goals/aspirations? Assert yourself! Do your own thing!

2. The newbie Instructor glow is already starting to wear off, as evidenced by the fact that he's discovered that recreational diving is not a solo sport, even at the Instructor level.

3. Tell him how you feel, in whatever way you can best express yourself. If that means email, so be it. If it means sitting him down after dinner... go for it. Whatever will work.

4. Don't be a wallflower. If you think people are focussing just on your s/o's diving, then maybe it's because you are hanging back too much & not getting involved.

Hang in there, sister! :hug:

 

[Zippsy]

It sounds to me like his problem is not about diving; that just happens to be where it shows up.

My g/f (now my wife) got me into diving and encouraged me to get my AOW like she had. WE decided to get our rescue card and then our DM card. When she could not do the physical part of the DM course, I reluctantly went ahead without her. Now, most of the time that we dive, I am working, she's in another group and we are having different experiences. I love working as a DM but I really, really wish that we both could be at the same level. It would make diving even better. I would also love to become an instructor but I don't want the divide to get any bigger so I probably won't get that rating. When we're 70, I wouldn't be a dive instructor any more but I'd still want to be happily married to my wife. That would not happen if she's my assistant, only if she's my partner.

 

[cdiver2]

OR BEING POLITE ie waiting to be introduced. When in a conversation about diving with other people (I)always inform them. My wife has dove more locations around the world than me and my deepest is 150' hers 220' that always tends to make them see her as her own persone independent

 

[mempilot]

Sounds like he accidentally hooked up his inflator hose to his ego. Once the pressure bleeds off a little, he'll come back to Earth. He'll get put in his place sometime and the cocky ego will deflate.

 

[Cave Diver]

But really, he's not an ogre (well maybe just a bit... ) In all fairness, I'm sure I do things to harm his self-esteem... it's just that this particular thing is pretty near and dear to me. I no longer enjoy the "cool" factor of being a diver: I'm now an also-ran. It's disheartening.

Perhaps the problem is that you should be telling this particular statement to him rather than us.

If diving is something you enjoy doing together, perhaps a gentle reminder that you are feeling somewhat left out will suffice.

It shouldn't be a a competition to see who's more accomplished. It should be a chance for you to spend quality time together doing something you both enjoy.

 

[DivemasterSteve]

i knew a guy that was already a DM when he met and eventually married his wife. he talked her into trying diving to see if she liked it well enough that she would go with him on trips. LOL, he figured if she liked it enough that he wouldnt have a problem getting her to go on dive vacations. now for the funny part... he was happy with being a DM and never wanted to go any higher but his wife fell in love with it so much that she knew she had to go further than just OW. she is now an instructor and he is her DM. i have to say, it works out great for them, they both are very happy doing what they like together.

steve

 

[DrySuitDave]

Zipsy,

You have an awesome attitude about relationships.....