Question New to scuba diving, is it a bad instructor?

[Pearl0123]

Girl, you are NOT PADI certified.

You could not have done the necessary training with your instructor in this position behind you, as instructors always are in front of you facing you to watch you demonstrate skills.
But worse is your missing equipment because it sounds like you had no tank of your own and were sharing his dive tank and octopus, otherwise your own tank /BCD would have kept him back off you.
You don’t mention taking the class room portion of PADI certification, or the written test. You don’t mention going to a dive shop to try on, pick up and check out your own gear.
So I’m doubting if you have received a PADI certification at all. Have you a certification directly from PADI?
Even if this guy was a genuine instructor, not a total fraud, and sent in your paperwork, you have to start over with a legit PADI class (with a friend this time) to get correct training for scuba diving to be a safe diver.

This exercice was lasting 20 minutes top every day but all the other hours were used for proper PADI training. But I will definitely redo another training. It will helps me to remove this unfortunate event.

I did the gear assembly, the e-leaning, the trick underwater with the mask cleaning, removal, swimming, underwater hand sign, give air to my "buddy", etc.

I have received the certification from PADI and have my card with the number.

 

[Pearl0123]

Why not answer the question? Why not name the instructor and location? The whole story is unbelievable.

Not comfortable yet, he is know in the industry and his name appear in the forum here.

 

[Pearl0123]

Does the instructor own the dive shop or just work there?

He own 2 dive shops

 

[Pearl0123]

It always amazes me what people will allow themselves to be subject to by another person.

I mean, I get it. He was in a position of authority and you were trusting him with your life.. but to go back again... and again?

I'm a dude but I'm thinking if I was put in that position it would be one and done. And back on the surface I'd be like "WTF dude you'll be hearing from me about this and it's not going to be good".

As mentioned, it was only 20 minutes top everyday. When you are learning a new skill you don't know what is normal or not and when you are in it you don't see it clearly. It was not straightforward and obvious. He kept mentioning it was to control my buoyancy. And we didn't did only this exercice, we actually did all the other exercices. I knew nothing about diving apart from ready the only PADI material. He also stated that it was for me to get comfortable in the water to just breathe. And the feeling of him being hard was not obvious as well. He kept asking me the "okay sign" I was focusing on my breathing, he was controlling my air during this exercice. How are you supposed to know an exercice is not right if you never did this? You just don't. He was in the wrong & he was "teaching" me and "evaluating" me. Took me about 5 days to rewind everything in my head and write what has happened. I searched on every forum / google to know if it was usual practice, if people where experiencing the same thing.

 

[Pearl0123]

Is this person an actual instructor even? Do you have the member number?

Yes I searched him on PADI he is registred.

 

[Pearl0123]

Have you even verified that this creap is an actual dive instructor and that he has current active instructor status with PADI? The PADI website has a page where you can verify his instructor status and file a complaint.

Yes I did, And multiple people had done the OW certification with him. He has more than 200 5 star review and all his certifications are registred.

 

[Pearl0123]

You mean you didn't grab his slug and rip it towards his feet, really fast

Do a school of life course to recognise and deal with deviate behaviour

Sexual harassment: What it is and how to cope

Sexual harassment is never OK. If you’re experiencing it, here are some things you can do.

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I’m being sexually harassed — what can I do?​

You need to know your rights and options for action if you’re experiencing sexual harassment.

If you’re experiencing sexual harassment, here are some things you can do:

1. Get informed

At school: your school may have a sexual harassment or bullying prevention policy, so consider asking someone in the main office about this.

At work: check your workplace policies and procedures manual. It could tell you your options under labour laws and should include who to contact.

2. Keep a record

Write a detailed description of the incident(s) including what happened, where it occurred, when it took place and if there were any witnesses. If you have any text messages or screenshots of the incident(s), keep them saved.

3. Ask them to stop

This can be scary, but confronting people — even adults in positions of authority — can work. If you feel it’s safe to do so, consider telling the person to stop in a calm but firm manner. Here are some ways you can say stop:

• “When you look at me like that, I feel really uncomfortable. I’m asking you to stop it.”
• “I’ve said ‘no’ before when you’ve asked me out, and I’m not going to change my mind. If you don’t stop, I’m going to have to tell the principal (or boss, teacher, etc.) about it.”
• “I’m going to file a report if you touch me (talk to me, say that, etc.) again.”
• “Yes, I do have a sense of humour. But what you’re saying isn’t a joke — it’s sexual harassment. If you don’t stop, I’ll need to speak to our boss (teacher, principal, etc.).”

Wow this is a bad comment. It was not obvious and EVEN if it was obvious it's sensitive talk.
It's his actions of him being in an autority position and me learning. I didn't even knew if it was legit. This exercice lasted 20 minutes top every day. Stop blaming "victim" and educate yourself.

 

[Edward3c]

Not comfortable yet, he is know in the industry and his name appear in the forum here.

Last year I had to remove the chair of a diving club for less than you've described. There should be no hiding places for this type of behaviour.

 

[Pearl0123]

I find the story very difficult to believe.

If you would identify the shop, and the instructor by name and PADI number it would help lend credence to the story. It would also help ensure no one else gets duped and subjected to the behavior you described, if in fact it happened.

I am not here to name drop, I wanted to share my experience to understand if it was usual practice. I will do the follow up with PADI.

 

[Rilelen]

As others have said, this is not only inappropriate, it is sexual assault and battery. His actions were NOT okay.

For those questioning why OP didn’t stop him: I’m a professor of social psychology. OP’s response is entirely normal for folks experiencing sexual harassment. That (s)he went back repeatedly is not surprising. Sexual predators target potential victims who they are in a positiob to manipulate and abuse. They deliberately take advantage of the fact that potential victims 1) see them as an authority figure, 2) are novices who legitimately don’t yet know the norms for the field, and 3) have time and money invested in the certification that they don’t want to lose.

Harassment is often ambiguous at first (even to the victim). What instructor did would be an instant “nope” from me - because there’s no ambiguity, because I know the PADI standards and how an OW course is taught. That’s not obvious to a new student.
For instance, consider: a cave DPV class is going to involve a lot of touching. And that is okay! But how do we know that? Because we are familiar with what is and isn’t normal (and necessary) for teaching certain skills. A new diver isn’t going to know that.

Second, none of us WANTS to believe we are being abused. We have paid time and money, we trusted this person, and so the first, second, third ambiguous instances are often written off or “explained away,” despite growing discomfort. As I tell my students, cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug.

Third, research shows that when you ask people to imagine being sexually harassed, most of them report they would be angry and would leave/confront the harasser etc. However, in a (super unethical!!!) study where they brought women into a job interview and sexually harassed them, that’s not what happened. Instead of being angry, the women afterwards reported being afraid. Almost none even pushed back against the harasser, and not a single one left the interview early. When asked why, they said they were afraid and just wanted to appease him and get out safely.

We think we will be angry and confront sexual harassers, but the data suggest that most (not all, but most of us) are far more likely to freeze and go along, out of fear.

Predators like this instructor know this. It’s WHY abuse of power is such a big deal, because it takes all the above and makes it even harder for the victim to recognize and confront the abuse. The instructor has both perceived and real power over the student, especially underwater, and especially when the instructor has deliberately used their knowledge to manipulate the student into being extra vulnerable (relying on their octo, no exposure protection, etc).

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. Please report this instructor to PADI, and I hope you will consider leaving a review and/or sharing the name and location. This guy is still out there, doing this to other women, and will continue to get away with it as long as he is protected by his status as an instructor.