Need advice - will my love of diving wreck my marriage?

[ewaiea]

Greetings all! This is long winded and I'm sorry but any advice would be much appreciated...

I am a 28 year old newlywed and was married earlier this year. My wife and I get along rather well and her daughter (my step daughter) and I also have a pretty good relationship. I do not want kids of my own and my wife doesn't want anymore either - one of the many reasons I do not want kids is because I want to do other things in life like travel (scuba diving and skiing), save for retirement, have my sanity , etc. Just to be clear - the vasectomy has already happened - so there is no turning back. I'm alright being a step dad because my wife comes as a package deal and I respect and embrace that.

For the past few years I have been primarily into golf - scuba diving used to be my vice but golf has been it for about 6 years. Now I am getting to a point this year that I will be getting back into dive travel. My wife doesn't really like swimming and has no ambition to go scuba diving - I really don't think I can convince her since she doesn't even like swimming.

We have talked about the possibility of when I take a dive trip (once per year or once per 18 months) that she could take a trip with her daughter to have some mother-daughter bonding time. My wife and I are very keen on the positive and negative energy levels of certain situations and when it comes down to it I'm pretty sure that me taking an expensive liveaboard trip to Australia or Palau or Papua New Guinea etc. will probably not go over well - all my trips are liveaboards (which I pay for by the way), not good for non-divers. The first trip or two over a couple years might go okay, but after that I see her getting tired of me taking those trips.

My worry is that my passion for diving (which I don't do that often I just save alot of money for) might lead my marriage down the road of failure. Have any of you divers been in this situation, heard of someone in a similar situation, or have any advice on where you see this going? Thanks all, and happy new year!

 

[CLEAR BLUE]

There are many dive trips you can take that are not liveaboards. There are lots of Caribbean destinations with plenty of topside activities so everyone can go together. And you never know...diving and swimming are 2 different activities. She may be up for it. How old is your step daughter? May be an activity that Mom and daughter can do together.

 

[almitywife]

i will say it again...never ever marry a non diver

 

[firstdive2005]

Dude-My wife does not dive, she snorkels. There is nothing I would like more than doing a live aboard dive adventure. It's just my wife doesn't dive so as a husband I respect that she may not feel good about not having an adventure also. I dive at sites that accommodate her snorkeling and land adventures that we both can do. If I want to stay married to the best partner I could possibly have this will have to satisfy my diving needs. I'm ok with that.

 

[GeorgeC]

If your marriage is not stable enough for you to do what you want to do then your marriage is going to fail regardless of diving! Please no flames. I don’t mean cheat, not be a partner in a marriage and etc.

I am married, no children and if I want to go on a live aboard my wife is welcome to come (She does not dive). If she does not want to come then I will go myself and she encourages me to do so. When married you need to trust each other and respect each other’s wishes and dreams. You must feed from the same loaf of bread, not the same slice!

Talk about it and don’t sacrifice anything. You might have to compromise! The last thing you want to feel is regret or resentment later in life.

I am sure you are a considerate person. I have to give you credit for accepting someone’s child. This takes a special person to do, as there is plenty of mud that can go along with the ex-husband/ex-wife.

Good luck

 

[Hockeynut]

"Need advice - will my love of diving wreck my marriage?"


Only if you're lucky!

ok sorry, I'll shut up now.

 

[GeorgeC]

Good one Hockeynut.

 

[Diver0001]

We have talked about the possibility of when I take a dive trip (once per year or once per 18 months) that she could take a trip with her daughter to have some mother-daughter bonding time. My wife and I are very keen on the positive and negative energy levels of certain situations and when it comes down to it I'm pretty sure that me taking an expensive liveaboard trip to Australia or Palau or Papua New Guinea etc. will probably not go over well - all my trips are liveaboards (which I pay for by the way), not good for non-divers. The first trip or two over a couple years might go okay, but after that I see her getting tired of me taking those trips.

Is that strictly because the trips are expensive or for some other reason...?

My worry is that my passion for diving (which I don't do that often I just save alot of money for) might lead my marriage down the road of failure. Have any of you divers been in this situation, heard of someone in a similar situation, or have any advice on where you see this going? Thanks all, and happy new year!

Well my wife isn't a water person at all and she doesn't dive. I keep a separate "dive fund" from money that I save and the income I make as an instructor. I use the money for "diving", which could mean material, courses or travel. She understands that diving in the tropics is something special and she doesn't object to me taking off for a week or so per year to go diving....

I do think I'm lucky with her, though. My wife is a highly independent woman who is perfectly capable of amusing herself if I'm not home.... I do know of examples of people whose wives object to any time spent doing something not "with them". I think if someone has a wife like that, that the only solution is either dive together or find a new hobby/wife.

Obviously we can't give you decent marital advice over the internet except to say this: "keep talking, keep listening and accommodate each others needs" there really is no other way.

R..

 

[firstdive2005]

{Obviously we can't give you decent marital advice over the internet except to say this: "keep talking, keep listening and accommodate each others needs" there really is no other way. }---This is the best, time honored marriage tool that anyone can say in my opinion. Thanks Diver0001.

 

[imasinker]

IMHO balance your time with diving and your family. If possible take as many trips with your family as you would with diving. If you can't aford that I would say keep your family as first priority. If you talk to your wife and she is ok with you heading off on a trip alone, be grateful, and show her this, but man o man don't forget it! As long as your being considerate to her feelings there shouldn't be any problems. I was out every weekend since my certy this year. It got to the point my wife didn't ask if i was going diving, but what time was I diving. Most of the guys I dive with are married. We do early morning dives and then the rest of the day I spend with my wife. When I have dive club weekends, she comes with me. The trade off is she gets to shop while I dive. After that we spend time doing things together. It's a great trade off. As for going on a liveaboard a week away without her, I won't do unless she is ok with that. this was my first year of divng and gearing up and dives/chartes is was pretty expensive and she supported that. We talked and she asked to not go away on a liveaboard this winter because of the financial aspect. I agreed that if there was going to be a trip we would go the two of us, where she can sun bath, shop we can snorkle together and I can dive. If this is her only request I think it is a fair one. She doesn't ask for alot, so I won't ask for one bit more! It's all about compromise. Do that and you won't have any problems with your scuba or any other situation in your relationship.
In other words...kiss her a$$ big time.....lol...