Though I will pass on a similar observation from a friend who is a paramedic and knows from having seen professionally that neither is the water intake on your swimming pool.
That makes me hurt just thinking about it. I can see the Darwin Award coming for that one.
A 28 year old man breaks up with his girlfriend, after 26 nights of no action he thinks aha, the pool intake. Next thing you know the neighbors hear screaming and call paramedics to the scene...
The following is quoted from the news story as if unfolded:
paramedic: "When we got there Mr. Simmons was screaming like a banshee. It was obvious what happened from the get go. Our first observation was that he was naked and there was a floating pool chair up his well you know (where the sun don't shine). Being that we have seen everything in this business we just assumed it was another kinky toy idea."
"at first we were reluctant to help thinking this more a right of passage than an emergency but his continued pleas for help encourages us further. My partner jumped in the pool and asked Mr. Simmons to get out of the pool.
His response was "I can't I am being sucked in..."
"now were thinking he wants us to get naked too and we're really scared... Then all of the sudden, with the sound of bending metal and tortured flesh, the chair disappears entirely....."
"Oh my god I said, he must have hiccuped and the pressure pulled it in...."
By this time the patient is really screaming when we ask him again to exit the pool....
"Then all of the sudden my partners arm gets caught in the darker parts of Mr. Simmons body..... This is unreal I am thinking to myself as I look around for the Candid Camera Crew....."
"As I was looking around, there is another sudden motion as my partner disappears......That's it I am outta here...."
"As I am heading back to the truck shaken by the sexual episode that has just played out in front of me, I turn to get one last look as I see Mr. Simmons's body sucked into a hole in the wall like that little boy drinking from the coke bottle with a straw....."
When asked what he saw he stated "he just sorta got sucked in then poof he was gone"
At 8:58pm Mr. Simmons, and Mr. Smith (The paramedic that tried to save him were removed dead from the pool filter) Luckily the floating pool chair was able to be saved and is now used at a local YMCA as part of their "Youth Don't Do This At Home Training Video Series"
For reasons that are quite obvious Mr. Simmons has been awarded the Darwin Award for September 2001. May his skills in the pool make him live in our memories forever.
