We at the Bureau of Toys and Food have been made aware of a dangerous plot involving TWO domestic terrorist organizations. The plot involves the Peep Liberation Organica, allying with the Rabid Columbian River Otter Brigade in an attempt to eliminate, once and for all, the threat of a group of radical environmentalists, responsible for the sinking of the U.S.S. Oriskany off the Florida coast in the summer of 2006. This group, which we will hereafter call "The Divers", has an environmentally agitating habit of occupying natural bodies of water and creating bubbles of all kind.
In recent years, the anti-diver violence has escalated to other groups entering the fray, such as the "Dugongs Under Hysterics", which have begun hunting The Divers in their own environment. Dugongs have been sighted in and around dive shops in many areas frequented by The Divers, in an effort to infect them by physical contact, thereby transferring a horrible virus called "The Animal Interaction Bug." This virus immediately begins to alter the thinking patterns of The Divers into losing focus on all daily life activities just to get more "hits" of "The Bug", as if it were a heroin addiction. It also begins to empty their wallet, making them feel drained after the experience, but still looking for their next fix.
We have reason to believe that the violence has escalated to the use of "green weapon technology" utilising naturally occuring elements, combined with manmade devices to confront these increasing dangers. The Divers may, in fact, have devised self-destructive weapons to be used in this conflict that may even be turned against each other. Warning! These "Divers" and anyone they come in contact with may become infected with the most chronic form of viral infection known to man, "The Florida Conch Divers" infection. It causes uncontrollable laughter, an urge to cook raw meats over an open flame, consume alcohol, and submerge themselves, or each other underwater for extended periods of time. During the worst outbreak of this disease, it has been known to convert other humans' DNA to actually mutate them into its collective, similar to a popular Sci-Fi Race. These "Divers", and this collective they form, referred to by their leader The DSW, are called "The ScubaBorg." They are extemely dangerous to the "Boredom Gene" and have been known to occasionally eradicate it completely from their immune systems. You have been warned. The area we expect to find the most imminent upcoming outbreak will be in the Santa Fe River basin, near the Ginnie Springs camp area known as Turkey Roost. Please advise others you may come in contact with, lest they feel inclined to submit to their boredom gene and beco,.............
**** LINE INTERFERENCE****
We are the ScubaBorg, Lower your buoyancy and surrender your alcohol. Your gear will adapt to service us. You will be assimilated. Resistance is adjustable. :cyborg:
****INERFERENCE ENDS****
Sincerely,
The Bureau of Toys and Food
