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I learned something about life a few weeks ago, something I thought I had figured out some time ago, but it took a lesson from someone much younger than me to remember.
I'm not real close to my family ... not physically, not emotionally. If you open the dictionary to the word "dysfunctional", my family's picture is there. Most of 'em are scattered across the east coast ... from Connecticut to Florida. That's, in part, why I live in Seattle. I got in my car one day and started driving ... just wanted to put some distance between them and me. I would've gone further, but the Pacific Ocean got in the way.
Then there was Jesse ... my oldest brother's kid. His parents had split up when he was an infant, and Jesse spent his life getting tossed around between them in some weird kind of "acceptance" competition. Last time I had seen him, he was a precocious 8-year old boy, hungry for affection and acceptance ... like most kids that age. That was 21 years ago.
Life took us in different directions, and Jesse grew up living with his mom in British Columbia ... or with various other relatives scattered across Canada. By the time he was 15, he was on his own in Toronto ... living on the streets and getting in trouble with the law. By the time he was 18 he was in prison for selling cocaine to an undercover cop. By the age of 21 he was back on the streets ... and somewhere in the interim he'd managed to ignore an injury in his foot that ultimately led to bone cancer. By the age of 24 he'd had to get his left leg amputated at the knee, in the hope of stopping the spread of cancer to more serious places. A vain hope ... it turned out.
At 25, Jesse decided to turn his life around. He went back to his roots ... in the foothills near Penticton, BC ... cleaned up his act, and turned his life into something productive. He went back to school ... got his HS diploma and enrolled in college. Unfortunately, a year later, the tumors showed up in his chest and abdomen. The usual treatments ensued, and after a time the doctors simply let him know that there was only so much they could do. At the age of 27, Jesse was told to get what he could out of the time he had left ... because the doctors didn't think he'd last out the year.
Well, he spent the next two years proving them wrong ... and in all that time you'd never want to meet a more positive, creative, cheerful young man ... squeezing every ounce of living out of every moment he could get ahold of. Jesse spent some time working as a camp counselor ... helping other young people learn from the mistakes he'd made. He had a self-deprecating sense of humor that made people just want to be around him ... and a confidence in himself that really belonged on someone much older.
I went up to see him about a month ago. He was in the local hospice ... the tumors had grown to the point where it was painful to breathe, and difficult to do much of anything else. And in that week-end I learned a new appreciation for what it means to be alive ... what an absolute gift every day, every moment we have on this planet is to us. Jesse was an inspiration. In spite of his pain ... and the fog of the drugs they were giving him for it ... he wanted to do everything. Go out to dinner, watch a football game with his uncle, tease his mom, have beer and pizza with his friends. Not once did I hear him complain, or even look like he was in a bad mood. Not once did he reminisce about the poor circumstances of his life, or the fact that cancer was literally eating him alive ... or even voice a wish that things could've been different. This kid was purely focused on what he could DO.
I couldn't have been more proud of someone with whom I share my genes.
These are some of the things he helped me learn and remember ...
That's a lotta smarts for a young'un.
Jesse passed away on September 23rd ... surrounded by family and friends. Rest easy, Jesse ... and thanks for helping me remember those things. Sometimes it's too damn easy to get caught up in the negatives, and waste the limited time we're allotted in this world on things that don't really matter ...
... Bob (Grateful Diver)
I'm not real close to my family ... not physically, not emotionally. If you open the dictionary to the word "dysfunctional", my family's picture is there. Most of 'em are scattered across the east coast ... from Connecticut to Florida. That's, in part, why I live in Seattle. I got in my car one day and started driving ... just wanted to put some distance between them and me. I would've gone further, but the Pacific Ocean got in the way.
Then there was Jesse ... my oldest brother's kid. His parents had split up when he was an infant, and Jesse spent his life getting tossed around between them in some weird kind of "acceptance" competition. Last time I had seen him, he was a precocious 8-year old boy, hungry for affection and acceptance ... like most kids that age. That was 21 years ago.
Life took us in different directions, and Jesse grew up living with his mom in British Columbia ... or with various other relatives scattered across Canada. By the time he was 15, he was on his own in Toronto ... living on the streets and getting in trouble with the law. By the time he was 18 he was in prison for selling cocaine to an undercover cop. By the age of 21 he was back on the streets ... and somewhere in the interim he'd managed to ignore an injury in his foot that ultimately led to bone cancer. By the age of 24 he'd had to get his left leg amputated at the knee, in the hope of stopping the spread of cancer to more serious places. A vain hope ... it turned out.
At 25, Jesse decided to turn his life around. He went back to his roots ... in the foothills near Penticton, BC ... cleaned up his act, and turned his life into something productive. He went back to school ... got his HS diploma and enrolled in college. Unfortunately, a year later, the tumors showed up in his chest and abdomen. The usual treatments ensued, and after a time the doctors simply let him know that there was only so much they could do. At the age of 27, Jesse was told to get what he could out of the time he had left ... because the doctors didn't think he'd last out the year.
Well, he spent the next two years proving them wrong ... and in all that time you'd never want to meet a more positive, creative, cheerful young man ... squeezing every ounce of living out of every moment he could get ahold of. Jesse spent some time working as a camp counselor ... helping other young people learn from the mistakes he'd made. He had a self-deprecating sense of humor that made people just want to be around him ... and a confidence in himself that really belonged on someone much older.
I went up to see him about a month ago. He was in the local hospice ... the tumors had grown to the point where it was painful to breathe, and difficult to do much of anything else. And in that week-end I learned a new appreciation for what it means to be alive ... what an absolute gift every day, every moment we have on this planet is to us. Jesse was an inspiration. In spite of his pain ... and the fog of the drugs they were giving him for it ... he wanted to do everything. Go out to dinner, watch a football game with his uncle, tease his mom, have beer and pizza with his friends. Not once did I hear him complain, or even look like he was in a bad mood. Not once did he reminisce about the poor circumstances of his life, or the fact that cancer was literally eating him alive ... or even voice a wish that things could've been different. This kid was purely focused on what he could DO.
I couldn't have been more proud of someone with whom I share my genes.
These are some of the things he helped me learn and remember ...
- Regrets are useless ... you can't ever go back and change anything. Let 'em go, they'll only weigh you down.
- Happiness is relative ... you'll be happy if you decide you want to be, no matter what else is going on.
- People will love you if, and when, you decide to love yourself.
- Every day's an opportunity to do something meaningful. You don't even need a whole body to do that, it's your attitude that counts.
- Nobody but you controls how you feel.
- Do for yourself, it's a whole lot more satisfying than relying on others to do things for you.
That's a lotta smarts for a young'un.
Jesse passed away on September 23rd ... surrounded by family and friends. Rest easy, Jesse ... and thanks for helping me remember those things. Sometimes it's too damn easy to get caught up in the negatives, and waste the limited time we're allotted in this world on things that don't really matter ...
... Bob (Grateful Diver)
and thankyou...... 
