How do I keep my male dive buddy from taking over the dive?

[baitedstorm]

I'm with H2Andy, pull off his mask.... A very wise woman once told me (down at the Pompano clean-up....hehehehehe) if you pull the mask just far enough off the face to flood the entire thing, "they" will get the hint... Repeat often..!!


Come on Chrisch, are you serious! That statement puts you in "Rambo the Divemaster" mode too, relax, have a beer, enjoy the humor in the hole thing.......

 

[Wristshot]

I know people like that, and it can be truly annoying. I agree that "honesty is the best policy", so you should talk to him.

However, there are a couple things that you should consider.

SETTING UP YOUR GEAR:
Is he setting up your gear because he thinks you can't do it right? is he setting up your gear because he thinks you won't do it as well / fast as he will? Is he setting up your gear to practice for when he has students? Maybe you should ask him why he is doing it. Maybe he doesn't even realize that he is treating buddies like students.

I won't condone the stabbing, but some people swat a misbehaving dog with a rolled up newspaper. That might get his attention.

I suggest mentioning something my mother taught us as small children: "Make sure your help is wanted before you give it".

On his return drive lectures, I would probably let him know that while I appreciate his concern for my safety, he is making diving "not fun!". If you are exhibiting unsafe behaviors, that is one thing, if you just aren't diving "perfect", then that is a different matter, and he needs to lighten up.

In all seriousness, he needs to know that he is taking the fun out of diving for the two of you, and if he continues, he will need to find some new dive buddies. Sounds like the two of you have compatable styles, and you have fun. He can join your fun or go his own way.

Just my opinions, and only because you asked.


Wristshot

 

[MyDiveLog]

Although I don't necessarily agree with the rest of your post (I think it's not the poster who needs to work anything, just the DM Wannabe) the above is spot on.

DSDO,

I agree that the problem lies with the DM, but wanted to concentrate on things she could control.

 

[ckbonder]

Thank you all for your responses. I have been tempted to reach for the dive
knife but if I make him bleed it will just mess up the visibility (which isn't really
that great in the quarry in the first place). I think I'll go with the suggestion to
meet with him outside of a dive and talk to him about the situation. I'm hoping
it doesn't come down to having to say "goodbye, I'm diving with someone else".

I have a laminator downstairs somewhere. I'll dig it out and make some of those
"Back off and Butt out" cards too.

Again, Many thanks. You've given me food for thought and some good ideas.
I'll keep you posted on how things turn out.

Christine (counting down to August 5th and the Keys)

 

[lamont]

If he really wants to be a good instructor he should be trying to fade into the background whenever possible instead of always trying to take the lead. Ideally he should be passing on any skills he's learning in his classes on dive planning onto the two of you, so that you're planning and executing the dives and he's just watching and maybe offering suggestions. That would be better for you two and better for his students -- he'd be building confidence in his students then instead of dependence.

 

[cobaltbabe]

I'm with H2Andy, pull off his mask.... A very wise woman once told me (down at the Pompano clean-up....hehehehehe) if you pull the mask just far enough off the face to flood the entire thing, "they" will get the hint... Repeat often..!!

I ripped his mask completely off and the next thing I know mine is gone. I took a bit of water but what a great drill. LOL I will agree that it is a great way to get someones attention but if they are not ready it can be a really bad experience.

 

[scbababe]

If he really wants to be a good instructor he should be trying to fade into the background whenever possible instead of always trying to take the lead. Ideally he should be passing on any skills he's learning in his classes on dive planning onto the two of you, so that you're planning and executing the dives and he's just watching and maybe offering suggestions. That would be better for you two and better for his students -- he'd be building confidence in his students then instead of dependence.

Lamont that's the best advice I've read thus far!
I believe the disease is called DM mania I can relate. He himself is a student becoming a teacher and feels his every move is being observed. Those closest to him suffer the most because he is also practicing his drills and skills with you!

Don't be to angry with him, is not easy "feeling" responsible for another diver! Let him know that you are responsible for your self and it just doesn't feel as relaxing as it used to!

 

[keyshunter]

Give a child a hammer and everything he encounters needs pounding. Some children grow out of it--some don't. But there is no use being miserable while you await the outcome. I believe in meeting such problems head on--gently, but head on.
Many years ago, when I was a young dive master, I remember a trip on which one of the girls seemed to have trouble assembling her gear. Although she clearly didn't want my help, I, anxious to display my expertise, helped anyway. My rational was that since she was my responsibility, I wanted nothing to go wrong. Of course, the fact that she had a great body had no bearing on this decision. At any rate, when I turned on her air, the high pressure hose burst, about 6 inches from my ear. The ringing didn't stop for 3 days. I took it as an omen that perhaps I should wait until help is requested. I stil follow that course today.

 

[ScubaFreak]

Just turn his air off and laugh at him for a minute or two...

 

[GrierHPharmD]

Wow, what a collection of insightful advice! I'll toss my $0.02 in though. (BTW, did you know that BaitedStorm, Scubababe's husband, and I all dive together and are all DM candidates? Your story really struck a chord!)

I agree with the honesty approach. Bottom line is that you guys are friends, and it sounds like the young man in question has undergone a transition from friend to horse's *** as part of his DM transition. Let him know that you don't want to go at such a breakneck pace, that you don't need (or want!!!) his help in setting up equipment, and that you just want to dive together. If it helps, you can rest assured that you're helping him become a better DM in the process.

In the group that I dive with now, we have lots of different styles, but we've gotten pretty good about gently bringing up areas of discontent and defusing them before they cause big rifts between us. Sometimes it's my dawdling way of setting up gear that leaves everybody suited up and hot while they wait for me. Sometimes it's another diver who tends to outswim the rest of us. Sometimes it's a diver who leaves the group without telling anybody. But the funny thing is, we do a very informal debriefing after our dives, and each dive just gets better and better.

I wish you luck, and hope that he overcomes his issues,
Grier