How can one apply gentle sympathetic persuasion to a non-diver

[Pedroinspain]

OK, here's the issue. I (65) dive. My wife (56) snorkels. She tried once in a pool some 30 years ago and was uncomfortable. I didn't push the issue and for 3 decades we have made mutual allowances. Now we are planning trips to Egypt and Indonesia plus thinking of Thailand and Australia over the next few years. Out of the blue a chink has appeared "I never said I would never try diving again". I am scared to push this further for fear of snapping this delicate tendril.

Has anyone had similar experiences? More importantly had anyone's partner changed and taken the plunge? With my wife the "Don't be a whimp; just put on some gear and jump in the pool" won't work. "Here, breath through my octopus while you are snorkeling" might have more success. A shed-load of interpersonal skills will need to be involved. So who has been successful at creating the circumstances that fostered a step into the blue, and how did it come about?

 

[DevonDiver]

It's called "peer pressure". It should be avoided.

One thing I've learned over several decades of diving and instructing (and several partners!) is that you shouldn't attempt to coerce someone into taking up scuba diving. Provide the opportunity, make the suggestion - but allow them to make their own decision without pressure (no matter how subtly applied).

 

[Altamira]

If she wants to do it then put her with a really good professional instructor that has good people skills, and then get out of the way. If you are around during the training you might be putting unnecessary and unwanted pressure on her. Be there if she asks you to be there for support, but you do not want her to dive just to please you. That will be a disaster in the making.

 

[boulderjohn]

I have gently tried to get my wife to dive since I was first certified. No dice. I know better than to push it. I am very happy that she loves to snorkel enough that she is happy to vacation in places where I can dive.

I jokingly tell people that in 40 years of marriage, my wife and I have developed a system that works: she goes her way, and I go hers.

Now, that really isn't true, But I know I have no business pushing her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

 

[knotical]

Taught my wife to snorkel while we were dating. When I suggested scuba she said “no thanks”.

Some years after marriage I broached the subject again. Her reply: “no thanks, I’d be scared”.

Preparing for our twentieth anniversary cruise that offered discover scuba as an optional excursion I asked again. When she responded that she’d be scared, I asked what she’d be scared of. Her reply: "I’d be scared I couldn’t stay down.” I belatedly explained weight belts. We did a discover scuba on Grand Cayman. She loved it, got addicted and eventually became a DiveMaster.

Any lessons here? (Besides not waiting 20 years)

Give her an opportunity to try it, preferably in nice conditions, preferably with a great, patient instructor as we had in Grand Cayman, preferably one-on-one, or very small group.

Offer to answer any questions she might have.

Let her decide whether you should participate in her discover experience and/or her classes. My wife wanted me along, and it worked well. Bonding and all that. I’ve also seen cases where it’s best if the SOs stay out of the mix. Be prepared to modify plans at any time, at her direction. This should be about her. Let her set the pace. Patience is both a virtue and a requirement.

best wishes,

k

 

[DivemasterDennis]

After five years of traveling with me as a non-diver who enjoyed snorkeling and laying on the beach, my wife at age 50 indicated she was "ready" to try scuba. 5 weeks later she completed her certification dives in Cozumel and we now have ten years of diving together. Pedroinspain, your wife is aware of the sport, she sees you diving, she is around divers. If and when she is ready to try it again, she will tell you. And when she makes that declaration, she will have a much more positive experience than if it was your idea or someone else's idea. Leave it at that. Trust me.
DivemasterDennis

 

[OldNSalty]

I wouldn't push her into it. My wife will be finishing up her cert here in the next couple of weeks after 14 years of marriage. She tried an intro course on our honeymoon and didn't finish the course but she has always snorkled. I never put any pressure on her t go diving. i wanted her to, I had bought her some gear when she said she wanted to get certified. When she didn't complete the course I just kept diving. I would ask her from time to time why she didn't want to and she complained of sinus squeeze. After all his time of me telling her that it was a common problem and easy to over come she finally took the plunge.

 

[James R]

If she decides to try it, you may consider not going with her. I have seen many times a significant other being there trying to "help" someone get through OW and making it much worse for the student. Maybe it's the added pressure the person feels, or just the other person being annoying and in the way, but it rarely helps things.

 

[Kronek]

My fiancee is the opposite. She would LOVE to dive, but due to a lung injury 6 years ago due to Chemotherapy she is not allowed to dive. When I came home with my gear poor girl broke down in tears . Be happy that she has the option of diving!

 

[fire_diver]

Don't try to push her. If she MIGHT be open to it, ask her if she would like to try it in a swimming pool. Lots of shops do free discover scuba days to let people try it.