What you're feeling, Pete, is so understandable. The first holiday season without a loved one is always the worst. You loved your son and never thought he wouldn't be sharing Christmas with you this year. I venture to say all of your SB friends have lost someone close and know what you experienced this holiday season. When my dad passed away several years ago, I remember Christmas shopping that year and thinking "Oh dad would really like this.....I think I'll get it for him!" and then reality struck and I knew I'd never be able to wrap another gift for him and put it under the tree. It still hurts to know I won't have another Christmas with my dad, but the wonderful memories of doing things with him (hunting, fishing, water skiing, etc.) are what I think about when I get blue. Keep those beautiful memories of Bugs in your heart, Pete, and know that he'll always be with you in spirit. Blessings to you and Elena in this new year.
The joy of loving someone is worth the pain of the loss but it is pain nontheless:consolation: There are many who would ease your burden with their caring.. I hope you can find some comfort in that 
Our best to you and Elena
