Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[SRQ]

I was in my favorite technical dive shop the other day and a young man walked in the door and asked "what do you have in the way of good masks?" Not really an unusual question but when the store owner ( an extremely exerienced and well known cave instructor) recommended one of the Atomic Aquatics ultra clear lense masks the next question out of the perspective customers mouth was " but is it rated to 600 ft? "

I lost it - all I could visualize was this guy looking like a bug eyed gold fish after surfacing

 

[Gilldiver]

This was back in 1982 or 83 when octopus regs were just comming into fashion and many of us did not have them.

Down in the islands my buddy Pete and I were getting ready for a boat dive and the DM asked where Pete's Octopuss was, it went like this:

DM: Where is your octopus reg?
Pete: I don't have one
DM: What would you do if you ran out of air?
Pete: I'd buddy breath with you or him (Points at me)
DM: What if we didn't know how to buddy breath (very smug look on the DM's face)
Pete: Well, I guess one of you would die (in a dead pan but serious tone)

The DM kept away from Pete for the rest of the trip.

BTW, Pete had been diving for at least 10 years and was a Commerical Diver.

 

[HJeffreyM]

"Taucher sind Männer großer Muskelkraft, mit gesunden Organen. Taucher sind Männer hoher geistiger Kraft, von Verstand und einwandfreier Moral" Hermann Stelznar, 1931

Translated:

Divers are men of strength, with healthy organs. Divers are men of strong mind, intelligent and with impeccable morality.

The quote is from a diving manual from 1931

Gee...I wonder what kind of "impeccable morality" they were referring to in Germany in 1931...?

 

[Gerbs]

That all happened after '33. Diving in Europe back then was not recreational - this was before Cousteau and even Haas didn't start until '37. It's more a "Divers are Men, so are the women, and the sheep are worried!" thing, as you had to be pretty tough to be a diver back then...

Gerbs

 

[Seastarson]

Upon learning I was a MSDT on board, the diver said to me,

"I am not sure how much weight I will need, so if it's okay, I'll put two extra #2 weights in my BCD pockets, that way if I need more weight, I can just put it on later."

 

[BelchFire]

This was back in 1982 or 83 when octopus regs were just comming into fashion and many of us did not have them.

Down in the islands my buddy Pete and I were getting ready for a boat dive and the DM asked where Pete's Octopuss was, it went like this:

DM: Where is your octopus reg?
Pete: I don't have one
DM: What would you do if you ran out of air?
Pete: I'd buddy breath with you or him (Points at me)
DM: What if we didn't know how to buddy breath (very smug look on the DM's face)
Pete: Well, I guess one of you would die (in a dead pan but serious tone)

The DM kept away from Pete for the rest of the trip.

BTW, Pete had been diving for at least 10 years and was a Commerical Diver.

................ :shocked2:

Sage advice: Don't dive with Pete

 

[Rhone Man]

................ :shocked2:

Sage advice: Don't dive with Pete

I don't dive with an octo either, and on Saturday the instructor on the boat said to me:

"So what happens if someone runs out of air?"

To which I replied: "I'm not going to run out of air, and if someone else runs out of air, I call that Darwinism."

 

[Krazyklaws]

Great thread guys

I was talking to a friend who was considering a try dive on their next holiday.
Friend : Isn't it very difficult to dive though?
Me : Well there's a lot to remember at first I suppose.
Friend : Clearing your mask must be really hard though.
Me : Once you get the hang of it, it's sort of simple....
Friend : I don't think I could do it - doesn't it make you feel sick?
Me : No....
Friend : It would make me throw up.
Me : ".................."??

This went on for some time until I realised that he thought you had to snort the water out of your mask up your nose and then spit it out through your mouth......

 

[ayeshacantrell]

Upon telling my students that we would be diving the house reef, one of them looked very confused when we kitted up and walked towards the sea. It appears that she thought we were diving in reef in a house.

After explaining, demonstrating and practicing compass skills for the advanced course on land my group boarded the boat where, once set up, I explained how the exercises were going to work underwater. After finishing the briefing we headed downstairs and I noticed that one student had left their compass on the table....upon reminding them, they looked at me blankly and asked what they would need it for ??

Working on a very small island in the Maldives (10 mins walk around), surrounded by crystal clear water, loaded with fish we were asked daily where to go snorkeling....answers varied between helpful to 'in the sea' or directions to the swimming pool and jacuzzi.

While teaching a nitrox course my student could not understand why his gas consumption would not improve .....because surely given the fact there is more oxygen then you would need to breathe less often. Now from most people this would be a valid question however from a Dr and DMO .......I promised I would never tell....ooops.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

Not heard but read in another thread

"You're too old to dive when they put you in a box. Even then, you're not too old, you're just incapable" - K Barrick