Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Randy g]

Excellent thread! Thank you for the post and keep them coming.


When my GF did her first post cert OW dive with me I told her how to avoid being eaten by sharks. You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than your buddy.............She found it only faintly amusing.

 

[travis99]

I get asked all the time if I can dive in the rain? I say no, it has to be deeper than that.

 

[travis99]

Having only two post-cert dives I don't have much to contribute But the words of my instructor at my first in-pool session will always stick with me:

DI: Welcome to my ool...you will notice there's no pee in my pool.

LOL, I was in my pool sessions and I told my instructor I had to pee, and he said "Yea? Thats why I chlorinate the pool."

 

[abadox]

Not me, but I actually had the following conversation:

caller: the program doesn't respond.
me: ok, please close the window.
caller: ok, just a second...
*sounds of phone being put on the desk, steps, rumbling, steps again, phone being picked up again*
caller: ok, I've closed the window. Uhm, can you tell me what that has to do with my problem?
me:

I was working as techinical support, and we did not support windows 98, just 98 Second edition and all the new version of windows. So i get this caller who has windows 98, but did not know which edition... this is how the conversation went
me: can you right click on my computer?
her: what ?
me: can you please right on my computer?
her: whaaaaaaat?
me: ok mam, can you see my computer, point your mouse on it and right click...
her: NOOO! I can't see your computer !!!!

i just could not help laughing!!!!
i got lucky, i told her no no, there is a "my computer" icon on your computer, right click on that and that is when she could not stop laughing !!!

 

[Byte Me]

In Grand Cayman about a month ago my buddy and I joined a group of 6-7 other guys w/ Neptune's for 3 days of diving. One of the six was one of those guys who had done it all, knew it all and was "Mr. Experience". All the way out to the first dive site we heard about all the places he'd been diving, all the types of sharks he'd seen, etc. More of the same on the surface interval. Our second dive was at Eagle Ray Pass. In the briefing Keith told us all WHY the site was named Eagle Ray Pass. We jumped in, did the dive, saw three eagle rays among many other things.

We get back up on the boat and Mr. Experience's first words were "Wow! Those were so cool! What kind of Rays were they?"

There's your sign...

 

[tomboyy]

I get asked all the time if I can dive in the rain? I say no, it has to be deeper than that.

Thats a good one

 

[kanonfodr]

In my local group we often have folks joining us for first dives and we give them the standard briefing (Introduce themselves, introduce group members, etc) to include what happens if you run out of air. The accepted protocol within the group is to flash the international "Pay Up" sign before handing over the octo and we make newcomers aware of that.

Peace,
Greg

 

[joyceschur]

When I took the divemaster course, I could never remember PADI's mnemonic "Begin With Review And Friend". My instructor (a salty Scotsman) looked at me and said, "Well you know Joyce, Bangkok Women Really Aren't Female." It took me a moment to process that statement, then I started laughing. I haven't forgotten it since.

 

[cappyjon431]

When I took the divemaster course, I could never remember PADI's mnemonic "Begin With Review And Friend". My instructor (a salty Scotsman) looked at me and said, "Well you know Joyce, Bangkok Women Really Aren't Female." It took me a moment to process that statement, then I started laughing. I haven't forgotten it since.

Interestingly, I've done the large majority of my instruction in the Bahamas, Belize, and Bocas del Toro, Panama. I always use the mnemonic device "______________ (fill in the blank with Bahamian, Belizian, or Bocas) women really are fun."

 

[keyscapt]

This is a great thread!

Years ago on the Key Largo reefs, we had an older female diver surface from her dive very upset. She re-boarded the boat, and then demanded angrily that we do something to stop the swells on the surface. (!) We honestly thought she was kidding, but she was not. She was adamant about it ... sat out the second dive, and then upon returning to the dock, she complained to the resort owner that we would not calm the surface out at the dive site.