Carribeandiver:
Yep, that is what I was afraid of. Sigh, I remember when diving was fun and I felt safe. This ill-fated attempt to "Do It Right" is making diving very frustrating and no fun.
I have some advice on this front (as a newer diver who has fallen in with a DIR crowd and has taken a couple DIR workshops, with DIR-F coming up end of April):
At least for me, there is a certain sense of satisfaction from working on these skills, they are targets that make us better divers. So, I can find fun in a 30 fsw skills dive where we shoot bags, work on ascents and generally muck things up in the process.
That being said, I see your point. I think it is important to step back and remember that diving IS about having fun. So, keep it that way. You don't need to master these skills overnight, and, quite frankly, the more experienced DIR types that you may be diving with won't expect you to do so. Keep the joy in your diving. Never lose that, because that is why we dive.
If you find yourself frustrated, step back and relax, go on a dive to look at the fishies, forget about worrying whether your fins are twitching. If you take the time to understand the DIR principles, (and most of that, imho, is about working as a team and buddy awareness, not if your fins twitch when hovering), then you'll gradually work towards them.
With fundies coming up, I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. I really want to do well in fundies--it is the Type A person in me. I'm taking it in doubles, and I took a workshop from the instructor last October, so I have a good idea of the skills I'll need to have for the class. Because of that, my last five dives in the past week have been pretty heavily focused on skills. One was a disaster, another went pretty well, and the three yesterday were me helping out as a buddy for an AOW class, where I got to spend a lot of time in midwater and generally racked up bottom time working on buddy awareness, trim, and kicks.
I feel like DIR is both a philosophy that one can buy into at an early stage (by understanding its principles) and an aspirational goal one moves towards by working on skills, team awareness, and generally building depth and breadth of dive experience. The first part--buying into the philosophy--is what draws most people to this type of diving, and can happen relatively quickly (you can adopt the DIR mindset with a bit of commitment to reading, discussing things with other divers and instructors, and generally through honest self-examination of how you approach dives). The second part--DIR as an aspirational goal--necessarily means lots of trials and tribulations along the way. We cannot gain experience overnight.
That is okay, especially if you keep the idea of diving being fun at the forefront of your reasons for diving. So, don't beat yourself up if your trim is off, your backkick sucks, or your fins have spastic little movements when hovering (which, btw, are all problems I deal with). Rather, recognize that those are issues may be there, and take baby-steps along the path of experience building to get past all that.
I think you'll find, ultimately, that DIR diving is actually more enjoyable because of the comfort and predictability that comes from diving as a team with unified procedures, not to mention the satisfaction of eventually nailing that 10 foot stop while reeling up your spool, hovering perfectly motionless and in tune with the ocean.