A reading from the Book of Scuba Gear, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:
Then did he raise on high the Sacred Snorkel of Doom, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that
with it thou mayst slay those who dare use it, in thy mercy." And the people did
rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and
orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou affixeth the
snorkel-keeper to the mask. The snorkel-keeper shall have two openings at either
end. Two shall be the number of the openings and the number of the openings shall be
two. Three openings are an abomination. Neither shalt one opening suffice, excepting
that thou then proceedeth to make a second opening by hand. Five openings is right
out. Once the snorkel has been placed through the two openings, two being the
number of the openings, then hand the mask with the Sacred Snorkel of Doom affixed thereunto to thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."