Diving without your SO

[BelikinMan]

Hey guys.

I have a question for those that are married. Does your SO dive as well? If not, how do you handle the vacation planning?

My wife is not a diver and has expressly said she didn't want to do it. When we went on our honeymoon, I ended up diving during the morning and spending the rest of the day with her. But now, we have two trips planned for next year, one to St. Lucia and one to Belize, and I am really looking forward to doing some more 2 and 3 tank dives, which would mean I would be gone for a while during the days. Plus, I am planning on getting an advanced cert in St. Lucia and maybe another cert in between the trips (I eventually want to make this a possible career option).

Usually, my wife is pretty cool and actually wants some time alone to read and decompress byt herself, but I am afraid she might feel neglected. Does anyone have any insight on how to handle these situations?

 

[dherbman]

Does she dive as well as who?

My wife dives, but it's certainly not the priority for her that it is for me. That difference in priorities causes more than a bit of friction from time to time. If your wife ever feels she is losing time to diving, you're fuxored in a bad way.

Two questions have to be answered before I could give any advice:
1) Do you have LOTS of money?
2) How long have you been married?

 

[Charlie99]

Here are my comments from an old thread on the same subject.

 

[Charlie99]

Two questions have to be answered before I could give any advice:
1) Do you have LOTS of money?
2) How long have you been married?

3) How long do you WANT to be married?

 

[caymaniac]

I think you need to find an activity that both you and your wife like to do together. (Other than the bedroom) Fotunately my wife dives now. When we were first married we went on ski trips out west together. She wanted a warm vacation and me not being an individual that can sit on the beach for more than a half hour, I took up scuba. She would snorkel with me though. Now, she loves to dive, still, not as much as I like it. We have been on two liveaboards. Try and get her to snorkel, then take up underwater photography, that's what I did and it worked. She could not see what I was taking pictures of from the surface so she reluctantly got certified. She is my partner when it comes to finding photo subjects....and she is good at it. Don't start the independent vacation thing, you'll may end up spliting up.......just my 2cents.

 

[dherbman]

Go easy on pushing your interests on her. While most women don't know what they want, they sure as hell have a grip on what they don't want.

And yes, I did a poll. It was scientific and conclusive.

 

[newdiver-toronto]

:1poke: Another option: ASK HER if she would feel neglected!

 

[BelikinMan]

Does she dive as well as who?

My wife dives, but it's certainly not the priority for her that it is for me. That difference in priorities causes more than a bit of friction from time to time. If your wife ever feels she is losing time to diving, you're fuxored in a bad way.

Two questions have to be answered before I could give any advice:
1) Do you have LOTS of money?
2) How long have you been married?

We are comfortable money wise, no kids yet and we are basically newlyweds (less than a year). We had only one fight about this during our honeymoon. She did the pool course, and then chickened out. I got mad because I thought she was going to be mad when I went without her. She said to go and have fun. AND SHE MEANT IT. My wife is very independent and she tells me the truth (most of the time), especially when is comes to things like this.

 

[BelikinMan]

Go easy on pushing your interests on her. While most women don't know what they want, they sure as hell have a grip on what they don't want.

And yes, I did a poll. It was scientific and conclusive.

I don't push anything on her. I have tried to get her invloved in working out/taekwondo/golf/scuba/guitar and about 10 other things. But as soon as she says she isn't interested, I drop it. She does understand though that just because she doesn't want to do it, that doesn't mean that I won't pursue it.

 

[dherbman]

We are comfortable money wise, no kids yet and we are basically newlyweds (less than a year).

Well, you've got that working for you.

I'd say the best, surest way to pull this off is a give and take approach. Somewhere, she has a score card. The trick is to keep it balanced. Diamonds are usually pretty good for that.

Since you are newlyweds (congrats, by the way), you can play on the fact that newlyweds quite often care more for their SO than themselves. They are more willing to make sacrifices. Use this to your advantage, but don't over do it.

My goal in life is to dive at least once a week. More is good, less is bad. Diving is my one real release and it enhances my life and relationship with my wife. I would be truly resentful if my wife came between me and diving. My wife would become very resentful if diving came between us and that is truly not my intent.

I think the key is to indulge yourself without sacrificing your time with the wife. I arrange work so I have Friday off while my wife works. THis is my day and I do what I want on that day. Weekends and holidays I have to beg, fight or bribe for.

Figure this out now, while she is still reasonable. Good luck!