Diving with your recently certified Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Life Partner/Whatever

[fresh_fish]

My husband and I are opposite of what you are talking about. Helping the woman, psh! I have more dives than him currently, only because I went diving with some friends, and he did not. He did some diving without me as well, just not as much.

We went through the training together, and our dive shop/instructor was all about DIY. You haul your gear, or don't dive. You set up your gear, or don't dive. Now that we're certified, we can help each other as much as we want, but it's habit. I set mine up, he does his, and we buddy check. When we dive together, it's all about taking turns. He points to something he wants to see, then I follow him there and we both check it out. Then, I point, he follows, etc. It works well.

 

[Garth]

I dive with my girlfriend all the time... just don't tell my wife.

 

[D_B]

Zap, I see that RJP has already brought up taking the Rescue course, and that you plan on taking it .. I would suggest that your girlfriend take it as well (maybe not from the same instructor, or maybe not the same time?)

I think diving with your SO poses lots of areas that are different than diving with a buddy, even a friend .. you are apt to go to an extreme effort to help someone you love, and I think doing everything you can to stack the odds in your favor is a good idea

Me? I took the class after only 18 OW dives .. why so early? Because a close friend, that only dives warm water when on vacation, wanted to do a dive here with me .. it would be her first in cold water, in a thick wetsuit, hood, boots, gloves, all the weight necessary for them .. I understood the stress that all those changes would make for her and I wanted to be as safe as I could, and make sure that nothing happened to her "on my watch"


Edit: she had a wonderful time and it turned out to be one of my most favorite dives
and the training? best, most rewarding, thing I've done for myself, and those I dive with

 

[paddler3d]

I sort of hear what the instructor was getting at.

Last weekend, we finished up an OW class with a married couple in it. They were fine. They let the instructor instruct. They had also done their drysuit cert and were diving dry for the checkouts. They were having a blast. It was really nice to see that. Most students just have the dear in headlight look. They were disco dancing. They were doing the hustle and one was doing the lawnmower and the other the sprinkler. It was a site.

I've also had the class scenario where the BF, an experienced diver, wanted the GF, not comfortable in the water, to become a certified diver. We had to position the class so the GF could not visually see the BF. He was a hawk on her. Finally we kindly asked him to leave. He was a former Marine (no offense) and was always wearing his Blackwater T-shirts and treated his GF much like a drill sergeant would treat their privates (new soldiers in training). Once we convinced him to not be present, she improved and finished her confined water dives, but never did her checkout dives.

My wife and I got certified together.

At first we were dive buddies together. It became apparently however that she was going to be a tropical diver. I found other dive buddies.

She is still under 40 dives and I'm over 200 and almost done with Divemaster.

When we dive I've always led with her right behind me. No matter how many times I've asked her or tell her to, she doesn't swim next to me. At first this was annoying, but then I accepted it. With all of my DM training, this is kind of normal.

I get to dive a lot and she doesn't. So when we dive together, I'm really there for her. She tells me what to do and where to go.

If you guys are used to working together on land and get along fine, I don't see why you wouldn't underwater.

If something were to happen to your SO while diving, I imagine there would be a lot of grief and doubt if they were your buddy or they weren't.

You've got to remember that were all certified divers and each one has to make their own decisions.

 

[kombiguy]

Except when I'm doing some technical wreck diving, or she's doing some cave diving, I always buddy with my wife. We know each other's style, air consumption, trouble signs, etc. We know each other's equipment and we maintain it together. We talk about our dives, before and after.
When I'm wreck diving, I always buddy with the same person, for the same reasons. It's nice to know what to expect.

 

[JahJahwarrior]

I helped out as a DM while my girlfriend did her pool work. I was very careful to not end up instructing her. Infact, the only interaction we had, she asked me for permission to do something and I pointed her to the instructor and said to ask her, not me. I didn't want to have a negative influence on her learning experience.

That said, I did help her get in and out of the pool. She has bad knees, and the scuba gear was slightly difficult for her to manage.

We go diving together. She's a little nervous still, as she's new, and I think she would only dive with me at this point. She trusts me to watch out for her and make sure she's safe, becuase I'm a cave diver with plenty of dives, as well as a rescue diver, DM in training, with CPR and first aid training.

I help her set up the gear a little bit. I'm weaning her off of it, but, for example, I still usually strap the tank on. She'll get the BP/W on the tank, but we dive with lots of tanks and usually the strap has to be adjusted. The straps are old, stiff webbing and she has a hard time...heck, I have a hard time too! But, I'm better at getting it tight enough, so I usually strap it on for her.

I also will try to get the tank and all closer to the water for her. Like I said, she has bad knees and if I carry the gear to a bench by the water, she can do 2 or more dives. If I make her carry the gear the 1/4 mile or whatever walk it is to the water, her knees are killing her and we do one dive.

But I'm working to make her self sufficient, and she's getting there. I remember that I used to need help getting into my gear, and all of us have forgotten this or that or the other. She is no different, so even though now I might have to remind her about some aspect of gear setting up she forgot, I know a day will come when she reminds me of something that I forgot. Heck, my best dive buddy forgets his fins at the truck on a somewhat regular basis, and he has more dives than me!

The situation would be different if she and I were trained together, I think. I'm happy with it the way it is.

 

[schaffld]

It's hard to come up with a compelling reason to justify why SO's should not buddy up. It appears that the problem during the dive described by the OP developed not because of a personal relationship, but rather improper weighting and/or inadequate buoyancy control (ultimately the certified diver's responsibility) which was compounded by the poor judgment shown by the DM student (allowing buddy separation) with whom she was diving. Perhaps even the instructor shoulders some responsibility for not assuring the DM student under his/her supervision was paying more attention to an inexperienced diver. If there had been a serious injury, I can just imagine the drama that would unfold as the legal system moved in.

There are an infinite number of interpersonal dynamics to consider before making an all-encompassing statement such as "SO's should not dive together". Keeping the lines of communication open, and respecting each other's abilities, limitations, and concerns will go a long way in avoiding or dealing with any problems that may arise before, during, or after a dive. But isn't that true for any dive buddy situation? Surely, it is, but when your dive buddy is also the person with whom you live and possibly have children, then it becomes exponentially more imperative. :acid:

 

[AugInBethany]

I dive with my boyfriend all the time, but I also have other buddies I go out with seperatly. I love diving with him because we understand eachother more than anyone else. When on land we talk to eachother across the room using out dive hand signals.

My boyfriend is a DM and has been diving for 15+ years and I am just an OW and have been certified for less than a year. We met diving and our diffrent skill levels doesnt effect us in any way. He knows my level and respects them so I am never pushed to far. It makes it better for me because I feel comfertable and can grow in the sport.

 

[greylion]

I dive with my wife all the time. I got certified first and after some encouragement from me, she did a few months later. It enables me to travel the world and dive with my best friend and share unbelievable experiences together. What could be more right than that? Heck, there is no way I would have been able to visit Wakatobi or most of the places I've been without her. I think it's the perfect couples activity. I love watching her tell stories to her nondiving friends when we get back from a trip, she's just a lot more confident person these days. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[zamburinha]

When I decided to start diving, my bf literally said to me "I will never do that". A year later, after hearing the stories and meeting the people I regularly went diving with, he took the OW course. We now regularly dive together and it is a blast, we understand each other and feel comfortable enough to call each other out on a post dive debriefing. We set up and maintain our own gear and try to be as self sufficient as possible in that respect. That however does not preclude helping each other out with things as others have mentioned. I do not object at all when he will lift my doubles up to a bench ... I could get them on from the floor and stand up, but it is easier from a bench, and I just don't have the arm strength to lift them to that height. Conversely, he asks for help sometimes when getting into gear because he is a bit less flexible. So it all makes for a good buddy team. Having said that we both like to dive with other people. There is merit in being comfortable with your buddy and knowing their every reaction, but also on being exposed to different diving styles and personalities ... always some new things to learn.

The only problem I see for diving with an SO is that the costs are mounting at an ever increasing rate as he becomes more and more enthusiastic and we start planing further adventures, training, equipment, ...