Diving with your recently certified Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Life Partner/Whatever

[fnfalman]

I think that the big thing to avoid is the mother henning of the other dive buddy. Treat your SO as another dive buddy, no more no less.

When you mother hen your dive buddy, he or she tends to get pissed off and YOU tend to FORGET about your own dive.

I've been involved in a scenario where the Daddy self-appointed himself to be the Dive Master even though he, the wife and the teen daughter all had the same amounts of dives and trainings. He was fussing over their gears while rigged up his own gears incorrectly. In the water both him and the wife were fussing over the daughter who was the most composed in the water. And yes, the Daddy was suppose to be my buddy. He wasn't looking out for me, his dive buddy, but instead checking on the people who didn't need checking on. I'm sure that he felt justified because he's the Father and Husband, but all it did was made everybody else's day a sucky one.

The second situation was husband and wife fresh out of OW, neither knew much of anything. The wife pretty much sat there and the husband literally had to gear her up and took her hands in the water. So, here we have a less-than-ten-dives OW diver who is playing Dive Guide/Divemaster to his certified wife who's acting like she's on Discovery Scuba dive.

Everybody survived their dive days, yet I couldn't help but wonder if the Daddy had minded his own business and stuck with me HIS BUDDY, maybe his wife and daughter wouldn't have gotten pissed off and terminated the dive early. And in the second case, maybe the husband would have been able to dive more safely and learn something instead of being nursemaid to his wife.

 

[adurso]

My wife and I dive as a team. When the kids are with us we dive as a bigger team. Leave egos at the door and communicate; spending time underwater with someone you care for should only enhance the realtionship, if one takes the time to make it work it adds another dimension to the relationship.

 

[Spartakus]

When I dive in Pacific Northwest - I dive with my son as a buddy (my wife does not appreciate the cold water). But on vacation I dive with my wife as a buddy. I think the main concern with unevenly trained relatives (it's not necessary a wife, could be a child), is for the less experienced diver tending to develop dependency on the experienced diver. This could be dangerous because in the end each diver's safety is his/her primary concern. As long as this is kept in mind sharing the greatest fun on earth with your spouse or child is wonderful!

 

[TSandM]

The dynamics of diving with a spouse or SO are always interesting, because your interpersonal history is always involved in what's happening, even if it isn't relevant. So small misunderstandings or mishaps can easily become big ones, particularly if the issues relate to things which are issues on land.

It is very important that anyone who dives become an functional, independent diver; if the relationship is such that one person tends to be protective of the other, and this carries over into the water, it's not good. It's also important that each diver get what he or she needs to feel safe and comfortable, and if your goals for the dive are different, that may not work out well.

Finally, each of us develops a "style" of diving, and the best dives are with someone with a similar style. Even if you are both skilled and practiced, if you just don't click well, it may be more fun to dive with other people.

But -- if you give one another space to be well-rounded divers (take turns leading or carrying out other responsibilities), and you can debrief a dive without your entire relationship history getting involved in it, and your styles click -- go for it!

 

[Deep-6]

My GF is my best and most favorite dive buddy, she's newly certified. She told me that for right now she'd be more comfortable going with just me instead of going in any groups because I'm more able to give her all my focused attention without any distraction. This is understandable and in no way detracts from the enjoyment of the dive. It's been interesting watching her progress and in time I know she'll become more self-reliant. I also know her limits and will not take her beyond them. We very diligently plan our dives before going in the water then go over them again prior to descent. Despite her "newbieness", I've learned things from her too about being a good dive planner/dive leader. Which have enabled me to bring my game up a notch. We now have an activity we can enjoy together and we always have our diving to talk about. I would discard any advice that discourages diving with your Spouse/GF or SO. But, that being said, you should also be aware that if on land you can't communicate together effectively, you won't do so on a dive.

 

[onefastpony]

My wife and I got certified together, she couldn't understand why we could not be buddies while getting certified, I could. Once we were certified and did another dive with our instructor he allowed us to pair up.

While we were diving in Jamaica, I again paired up with my wife, I would trail her because I like to go slow, she is still learning and tends to go a little faster, yet I al always had my eyes on here and she would turn around about every minute or so to check on me. She has been getting better about going slower which was due to her being to heavy in the water, (which she did not take my advice on, there was a divemaster that was diving with us that was on vacation that instructed her to drop a few pounds after I had just told her, she did not want to heed my advice, but a strangers she would, women...).

All in all there is nothing wrong with diving with your partner as long as the both of you are comortable independent divers first.

 

[SolarStorm]

I am a new diver, but have done a significant amount of snorkeling with my wife an family. I can think of nothing better than to dive with my wife and family (hopefully at Xmas).

We have been married for 24 years and I know my wifes capabilities, fears, habits and interests. She also knows mine. Also when it comes to trusting someone with my life, climbing, flying, snorkeling, or protecting me from the bear (I run faster than her) I know who I want to trust.

The thing about a buddy is trust and knowing each others limts. I have seen the dominant person always take the lead/setup/load etc. But then I ask: Are these two buddies? I see nothing wrong if I carry her tank for her, BUT she better darn well be able tow me through the water if I am injured or she cant be my buddy! (she can)

I dont know how we will work out as buddies diving, but while snorkelling, or climbing, or hiking, we have been very compatible in our interests. It also helps to strengthen the relationship when we can re-share the experience later on. Something we both enjoy more than each recounting a separate experience.

Also part of my enjoyment is watching my family when we discover things. The first time my daughter saw a big ray, I think I watch her watching it more than the ray itself. I dont know whos experience was more exciting. Or when we were climbing and sat an watched the mountain goats make what we had just done look like a childs game, I think I spent more time staring at the smiles on my wife than than the goats.

So my advice (as junior as it is) dive with who you want.
- Ensure your buddy can take care of you.
- Understand each others limits - TALK about this before too!
- Understand each others goals - again with the talking thing
- Create disaster plans and practice them - more talking

So far this has worked for me for 24 years... (and counting)

 

[ZapDiver]

Hi! Thanks all for your responses

Question for you: do you plan to do anything about this? As a certified diver, are you not competent to be an effective buddy? If not, good for you to recognize that fact...but what are you going to do to rectify the situation?

I'd strongly suggest taking a rescue class. Will greatly increase your situational awareness, self-rescue and buddy-rescue abilities...all of which will greatly increase your own confidence.

Good luck and enjoy diving with your GF!

I'm already taking the rescue diver class, I started just before that trip and now more than ever i'm sure that it's a good ide to be certified as a rescue diver. I asked for someone else to watch over her because I assumed that a DM would be more prepared thatn someone that has just begun his Rescue.. Other lesson learned from this is to be aware of my limitations, but also do not underestimate my ability as a diver or as a Buddy.

 

[h2odragon1]

My wife and I are dive buddies. She is not as experienced as I am, (#of dives and depths). We dive her profiles, and keep her comfortable. I like deeper dives and going further out, (shore dives), so I am able to see more things than she does. When I go out, I end up with a different buddy, from our scuba club.
I would like her to advance her education, but she is not comfortable with that idea, along with the economic issues now.

 

[Road Guy]

I dive with my wife 90% of the time, only complaint is i end up helping her too much with her gear (carrying, adjusting, etc) but I guess thats part of the buddy relationship.