Divemaster touching me

[orange_diver]

At first I thought this was "a guy thing" question...then I thought about it and wondered,too. the answer might make a difference on how the dive op owner looked at your complaint.

that was my exact reasoning when i asked the question. would make a case against the guy much harder for a dive op to believe.

OP, did you tip the DM? no bias on my part in the question...

 

[diver 85]

Unfortunately it's your word against his---that's one of the reasons I have a female tech(I'm male of course) with me @ all times in my office for the past 15+ years so no female(patient) can conjure up any unlikely story without me having an eyewitness to anything someone may want to make up......

Now remember I'm not saying you're making this up......In general, I would think you'll need an independant 3rd party to pursue anything....

I guess 20/08 hindsight would have been you asking for a 3rd diver to be present on the latter dives----that's the only way to avoid such problems....

 

[DET]

I can't believe the insensitivity in many of these posts! Have you thought about the position the OP was in? The first dive was the hand hold. A little unusual. During the SI she made a comment about hand holding. Nothing that required expletives and "do that again and I'll ...." The second dive was the other uncomfortable actions of the DM. This was too much. Only the OP can really determine if this was uncomfortable.

As a women, its got to be hard to express your discomfort or threaten him for his actions when you're alone underwater with a limited amount of air, heavy gear and with someone so well trained and experienced in diving. How many of you would be prepared to struggle out of that position if his reaction were adverse? Now put yourself on the boat alone with that person and maybe a boat captain. If it continues on board you may have two people to deal with and somewhere out of view or ear shot of other boats. Unless it is life threatening, I would think doing nothing to simple resistence to his actions, until you step foot on land, would be the better choice in this situation. In my opinion, the OP did the right thing. Nothing, until she was on land. As for the future, and with her new experience, she will most likely know how to keep the situation from escallating.

Some women here have given their advice from past experience and workplaces. They probably see more than the OP in her workplace. It's not obvious in all workplaces. So how to deal with it is not always how you've been trained. And especially, underwater with a regulator in your mouth.

My 23 year old daughter did a Discover Scuba course this past March in Cozumel. And there was no hand holding. She had "zero" dives prior to this. I am a DM and I do not hold hands nor was I trained to do so. And only during training will I get within one's personal space and that's for safety not comfort.

Waaterpal, as for reporting this DM, do so. It's not too late. Report to the dive shop, the resort and the certifying agency if you have a name. Doing nothing says it's OK. You may, also, want to PM Cristi found mostly in the Cozumel threads. She may have some good advice. (An american women with a dive shop in Coz.)

Cultural differences or not, Cozumel resorts and dive shops rely heavily on the diving tourist. I'll bet his actions will not be tolerated.

D

 

[AlaskaDiver]

I guess I'm wondering how this is any different than harassment on land? What a total dirtbag! I think pretty much anyone else would be a better choice. I'm sorry you had this experience.

 

[Dtaine]

I can't believe the insensitivity in many of these posts! Have you thought about the position the OP was in? The first dive was the hand hold. A little unusual. During the SI she made a comment about hand holding. Nothing that required expletives and "do that again and I'll ...." The second dive was the other uncomfortable actions of the DM. This was too much. Only the OP can really determine if this was uncomfortable.

Okay - so some of the posts have been a bit insensitive, it's an internet forum and that's going to happen. It doesn't make it right, but it's also nothing to get worried about.

As a women, its got to be hard to express your discomfort or threaten him for his actions when you're alone underwater with a limited amount of air, heavy gear and with someone so well trained and experienced in diving. How many of you would be prepared to struggle out of that position if his reaction were adverse? Now put yourself on the boat alone with that person and maybe a boat captain. If it continues on board you may have two people to deal with and somewhere out of view or ear shot of other boats. Unless it is life threatening, I would think doing nothing to simple resistence to his actions, until you step foot on land, would be the better choice in this situation. In my opinion, the OP did the right thing. Nothing, until she was on land. As for the future, and with her new experience, she will most likely know how to keep the situation from escallating.

Honestly, do you have any idea how "doing nothing" actually hurts the situation? If someone is intent on assaulting someone, or making them as uncomfortable as possible, then saying something or taking actions like pulling your hand away won't help. BUT, if someone is acting based on culture, simply trying to get a tip, and isn't given a signal that they shouldn't do what they're doing (i.e., not saying anything, not pulling your hands away, etc) then they'll continue thinking the other person has no problem with it. Communication is a combination of body language and speech - if you don't give any indication that the action is unwelcome, through signals or saying something, then how do you expect to solve the problem? There's no need to wait till being back on shore to say something, and usually you don't need to shout or start an argument to get somebody to leave you alone. I've emphasized a part of your own quote below you should think about.

Some women here have given their advice from past experience and workplaces. They probably see more than the OP in her workplace. It's not obvious in all workplaces. So how to deal with it is not always how you've been trained. And especially, underwater with a regulator in your mouth.

My 23 year old daughter did a Discover Scuba course this past March in Cozumel. And there was no hand holding. She had "zero" dives prior to this. I am a DM and I do not hold hands nor was I trained to do so. And only during training will I get within one's personal space and that's for safety not comfort.

Waaterpal, as for reporting this DM, do so. It's not too late. Report to the dive shop, the resort and the certifying agency if you have a name. Doing nothing says it's OK. You may, also, want to PM Cristi found mostly in the Cozumel threads. She may have some good advice. (An american women with a dive shop in Coz.)

Cultural differences or not, Cozumel resorts and dive shops rely heavily on the diving tourist. I'll bet his actions will not be tolerated.

D

I wasn't there to see what happened, so I can't really say whether it was a cultural mistake continued because of seeming acceptance on the OP's part, or if it was truly abusive behavior. For the OP, I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but I hope you take away positive things from it and continue to enjoy diving for many years to come.

 

[crd_kats]

To the OP, please don't let this incident keep you from diving with overly friendly DM's... it was MEXICO after all. Yes, this has happened to me. I tried to twist my hand away from his, but he wasn't having it. Once back on the boat, I told him in a low voice, with a big smile, if he ever tried that again he'd be sucking in water. Of course, he acted hurt and tried to play off that I was beautiful and he just wanted to make sure I enjoyed my dive. I then told him in a low voice, with a big smile, that I'm sure his boss wouldn't be pleased with the loss of revenue once word got out about how badly behaved his DM's were. He pretty much kept his distance throughout the rest of the day. They are overly friendly in Mexico. I understand you were in a position in which you were already anxious and I'm sorry you had to experience that. Hopefully, most of the replies on this thread have helped.

I can't beleive the second dive was done, feeling the way she states she did! Perhaps there should be more laws and stiffer penalties to protect women? Clearly, they can't stand up for themselves or protect themselves. The guy could have just been blown off.

I take offense to your comment. We women can stand up for ourselves, thank you very much.

... well, ok... there was this ONE time...

At band camp... ??

 

[bbdm120]

Never dive without a buddy who you know. Try diving with a group of friends. I schedule several trips each year and we all watch after each other. If something like this ever happened to one of my divers I would take it up immediately with the owner. There is no reason you should be victimized.

 

[blueeyz78]

Unless you have been a victim, quit speculating. Unwanted touch or contact is just that no matter where you are. And, countries that deal with a high volume of tourist know better.

As a woman, and a woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself, I would never dive in a foreign country without someone I know. Just a word of advise for the future to all divers...take a buddy you know and trust.

I am sorry that this happen to a fellow diver. I can not imagine how you felt in that uncomfortable situation, in the ocean, with only this creep to get you back to shore safely. Good luck on your next trip...and next time kick him where it counts!!!!!

 

[crd_kats]

Never dive without a buddy who you know. Try diving with a group of friends.

As a woman, and a woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself, I would never dive in a foreign country without someone I know. Just a word of advise for the future to all divers...take a buddy you know and trust.

Yup, this is good advice. Unless the buddy you know thinks it's hilarious the overly friendly DM won't leave you alone, sucks air down faster than I don't know what, and thumbs his dive early leaving you with said DM!!!

Blueeyz78 got it right. Go with a buddy you know and trust... lol (now)

Ok... who ratted me out???

Oh, just a lucky guess..

 

[4sak3n]

...

I take offense to your comment. We women can stand up for ourselves, thank you very much.

...

I'm guessing that that was his point. He was using irony (most people would probably call it sarcasm but, unless he was trying to be a jerk, it was irony) to put across his message that he feels the OP has to take some responsibility by standing up for herself. You can't hide behind laws or rules and expect nothing bad ever to happen to you if you never take stand up for yourself.