Divemaster touching me

[fairybasslet]

OMG.. this is typical here. Too many people on this board are wound too tightly. You need to realize where you are.
You are currently expressing yourselves on the Internet. Anyone can post and say anything. Some of us find this as a place to share humor. Lighten up subjects.. I found Shakas post to do what he intended. Got me to smirk. I thought it was funny..

You want to state your opinions but you dont like anyone else who does not want to take it as seriously as you to be posting in the same thread.

Some of us have made up our minds on this situation. We feel it was not as "DIRE" as you and the OPs make it out to be.

The country I am currently in (USA) has become weaker because we have to constantly worry about every little thing offending someone.. Screw that. Get over yourselves and stand up for yoursleves when the situations arise or let it go. You may be the ones that ran home to mommy and now that mommy cant do anything for you, the legal system has to be your recourse.. geesh.. Open your minds to other options. Some people are not trying to get into your pants. Some just want to get into your wallet.

You are not all that and we are all a really small part of this whole thing.. Going underwater should of shown you that..

LIGHTEN UP.. Laugh it off.. Move on.

Dude, I really think you need to take your own advice.

 

[tiggrr]

OMG.. this is typical here. QUOTE]


And this is very typical of you.


This woman came here to ask advice about a serious subject. She has had some very helpful and eye opening posts. And then she got Shaka's and yours.

Shaka's comment was tasteless no matter what spin you put on it.

The funny part is I agree with a lot of your first post psycho. It is a cultural thing and no, what we expect here in the states doens't fly elsewhere. Its unfortunate the way you come off. Good points with an ugly presentation.


I say take what you need and leave the rest.

 

[ShakaZulu]

Ok, I'm sorry I made that comment in poor taste, I've never been able to judge the right moment anyway....Shaka thinks he needs to go diving.

PS. Funeral comics.....not that is a low blow, I'm feel so offended.

 

[fairybasslet]

Ok, I'm sorry I made that comment in poor taste, I've never been able to judge the right moment anyway...

Some people have that problem a lot. Myself included

Shaka thinks he needs to go diving.

Fairybasslet too. I love people who talk about themselves in the third person.

 

[Web Monkey]

Last week I was diving in Mexico and was the only diver with the divemaster. I only have about 50 dives and had expressed some anxiety to the dive shop because of an incident with faulty equipment when diving months earlier. So when the divemaster took my hand under water I thought he was making sure I felt comfortablel But he never let go! He took off my gloves, laced his fingers in mine, massaged my hands and fingers, "brushed" sand off my legs and arms, stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, clinked his face mask to mine.

In the US, this would get his butt kicked out of the shop before lunch. In some countries, your relatives would make sure he remembered to never do that again.

However it's possible he was just trying to be "nice", it's also possible he was lonely and unprofessional or just has no social skills and thought this was normal.

In any case, what you have a guy who you never met who you'll never see again that took you diving, brought you back safely and pawed you a little in the process. I'd chalk one up in the "win" column and move on. It could have been a lot worse (or a little better).

Terry

 

[ohmdiver]

Lack of social graces, and pawing should be enough to get his ass kicked, well the pawing part anyways...

 

[bamamedic]

I've been in the position of experiencing some unwanted attention in the workplace...for some unknown reason, even in EMS, there's still the "boy's club" environment, where guys will make some pretty...uh..."interesting" comments about the nurses, cute bystanders, and in general, anyone with legs and breasts. I could get my panties in a wad and get pissy about it (and be shut out from every social event and gradually driven into a different job) or I can learn to accept the jokes, and just know where to draw my own personal line.

For example, an older male coworker doesn't understand boundaries very well, and tried to grab me in the hospital elevator (he pulled my face inches away from his, and told me "I bet you're so horny that you'd ******* anyone). I could've shrank away and been a victim, I could've reported it to my supervisor and had to deal with "I bet you misinterpreted it", or I could put on my big girl panties and deal with it, which is exactly what I did. I shot off a stinging comment back, and when he persisted, calmly told him that if he continued this line of conversation, he'd be doing it in a soprano voice. He realized he'd gone too far, backed off, and while I wouldn't say that we're friends by any means, we are at least civil.

You're only a victim if you let yourself become one. I know it's difficult to stand up for yourself when you feel that you're in a position of powerlessness, but the only person who can make you feel like a victim is yourself.

Guys can be pretty rude, and there's always the cultural difference to contend with...and if you don't make it clear that you don't enjoy the attention, then you've really got yourself to blame when it doesn't stop. Generally, guys assume that silence is just your being coy...if you don't want the attention, you've got to make it crystal clear. You don't have to be evil about it, but there are ways of making your lack of interest known. If he continues, then that's when it's time to take more definite action, such as telling him on the surface (in a loud voice and in earshot of everyone on the boat) "Why did you touch my face, stroke my hand, take my glove off?" He'd probably blush, mumble something, and leave you alone for the rest of your time together. Guys hate embarrassment.

Hope this helps....

 

[SoybeanQueen]

I think he was teasing you and trying to comfort you. In your eyes yiou saw it as molestation. My impression is that you should have ulled away when he took you hand and this would have sent a clear message. Remember there are cultural differences involved and you were in his home turf. I think it is unclear to the third party(me) whether there was or was not any malevolant intent. I would not and cannot render an opinion based on the facts rendered.

He was in a perceived position of power over her, though. That really makes it so much more complicated than just pulling away and sending a clear message. I suspect that this will be difficult for many men to understand. I think it's a hard concept to truly get if you haven't experienced it.

My reaction as a new diver in a situation where I am already less comfortable is going to be entirely different than, say, in my day job on my home turf where I am quite confident. I can see her POV quite clearly - under water, he is acting in ways I feel are inappropriate, if I react strongly, what will he do then? He is likely bigger than me. He has the advantage of more skill knowledge and familiarity of the area and more control of the situation. Etc, etc. I can't say that I would have gone on a second dive with him, but as you say, it's hard to judge much without all of the details.

Your point about the cultural difference is certainly valid. However, this kind of situation should be addressed regardless, because while it *could* be harmless cultural difference, it could also be a signal that there is a problem that just didn't have enough time to be truly dangerous for this poster. Perhaps her report could save another woman from a worse experience. But even if it only teaches the divemaster that women from other places may not appreciate hand-holding and leg-stroking, it might be valuable.

 

[Boat Chick]

...but I am sure that many women can relate to this conditioning.

Question - women - has this ever happened to you?
Just how common is unsolicited physical contact from a DM?
Any advice as to how to handle this with the dive shop? The Dm is an experienced and long-time employee (and, as far as skills as a DM, he was excellent). I don't want someone to lose their job...but I feel molested.

NEXT TIME>> I will clobber anyone who tries this! I am 53yrs old, a strong professional woman and totally shut down in this.

Waaterpal, I'm sorry for your experience. I am sure you probably feel sick that you let it happen, and by your post, you most likely feel violated. It may not appear to be a violation to many, but by waaterpal's post, I take it she does, and it should be treated as such.

A lot of women can probably relate to this conditioning. And yes, women all over the world are learning to put their big girl panties on and stand up for themselves in situations such as this. However, consider, waaterpal is still a fairly new diver, and is diving in a another country. Who knows what the dive etiquette is? We only learn through others telling us, reading, or experience. Plus, consider background, how one was raised, and conditioning. It's easy to say put your big girl panties on and stand up for yourself, however, if you have ever been a woman in a situation where you someone was forcing themselves on you, we know in our minds what we would/should do, but often when it faces you, it is often another monster. I say this from experience.

Waaterpal, I would write a letter to the dive shop and let them know about the situation and your experience, and let them know you expect some sort of a reply.

Again, I am sorry you had this experience, and, I suspect next time you will react differently.

 

[bamamedic]

Waaterpal, I'm sorry for your experience. I am sure you probably feel sick that you let it happen, and by your post, you most likely feel violated. It may not appear to be a violation to many, but by waaterpal's post, I take it she does, and it should be treated as such.

A lot of women can probably relate to this conditioning. And yes, women all over the world are learning to put their big girl panties on and stand up for themselves in situations such as this. However, consider, waaterpal is still a fairly new diver, and is diving in a another country. Who knows what the dive etiquette is? We only learn through others telling us, reading, or experience. Plus, consider background, how one was raised, and conditioning. It's easy to say put your big girl panties on and stand up for yourself, however, if you have ever been a woman in a situation where you someone was forcing themselves on you, we know in our minds what we would/should do, but often when it faces you, it is often another monster. I say this from experience.

Waaterpal, I would write a letter to the dive shop and let them know about the situation and your experience, and let them know you expect some sort of a reply.

Again, I am sorry you had this experience, and, I suspect next time you will react differently.

I've been in the position where I was the only paramedic in the back of an ambulance, and the much larger male patient, decided that he wanted me to "be his girlfriend" for lack of a better term. Sure, I was scared...I was petrified. He could have absolutely had his way with me had he wanted to. However, I told him that if he touched me again, I'd beat the crap out of him with my clipboard! I was furious enough that he believed me...however, inside, I was quaking in my boots. I've since learned to be a lot more aware of potentially dangerous situations, to include having the police ride in with me if I feel threatened. It was a learning experience...

There are some situations where there's nothing you can do to avoid being assaulted. However, there's a lot you can do to prevent it! In my line of work, I've learned to be a much better judge of character, and to admit when I need a bit of police assistance in controlling a violent or abusive patient. In the OP's situation, she needs to trust her "inner voice" when it comes to situations like she posted. If it feels wrong, it probably is! It was a bad experience...don't let it prevent you from going on future dive charters, though. Just be sure to voice your concerns if something or someone makes you feel uncomfortable....