Difficult but necessary

[Captain Kitty]

How do you tell someone you love that you cannot trust them as a dive partner? Even more importantly; I think they need to retire the mask so-to-speak. They love the ocean, but they just don't have the strength and energy to do it safely anymore. I don't want them to get hurt and I certainly don't want to be put in a situation where I could be hurt too. I do not regularly dive with this person, but I've been under pressure to take them out again. Has anyone else had to do this? :aeh:

 

[Diver Dennis]

That is a tough situation. Is it possible to take them on shallow dives more in line with their current skill level?

 

[ItsBruce]

I read a book by noted golfer Harvey Penick. In it he talks about how he is too old to play the game he so loved and instead rides around in a golf cart and watches others play. Perhaps if you took a look at the book it might give you the wisdon on how to tell your friend that it may be time to stop diving. I know I could tell you to tell your friend plainly and simply that you fear for his/her safety; but I'm not sure that adequately conveys it.

 

[H2Andy]

i believe open honesty is best in these things

tell them that you don't feel comfortable diving with them, and why,
and that you don't think they should dive anymore, and why

you need to tell people the truth. to do otherwise is to treat them like
children or incompetent adults ... something less than full human.

treat them like an adult, and speak the truth

the other side of the coin is you can't control what they do. that's their choice.

they may listen to you and decide to go on diving. there's nothing you can do
at that point. just let it be.

 

[TSandM]

There was a wonderful thread by someone three or four months ago about her father, who had some heart disease. I wish I could remember who started it, because there were a lot of good, thoughtful posts on how to handle this situation. Maybe somebody will read my post and remember the thread and leave a link to it.

 

[annasea]

TSandM,

Is this the thread you were referring to in your post?

http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?t=119241

 

[spectrum]

TSandM,

Is this the thread you were referring to in your post?

http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?t=119241

That's the one that came to my mind.

Aside from trying to end this persons diving managing risk is an option. Being very selective about sites and conditions and diving as a team where you are not alone if there is an incident. Moving this person (or both of you) to a surface supplied system would take a lit of the stress and strain out of things as well.

There are some intermediate options besides hanging up the fins. We of course do not have the direct knowledge of the persons condition.

If it were me I would be thinking "adaptataion" just as we have acquired skills and equipment to dive I think we can extend things at the other end to enjoy the underwater world in more conservative ways. If it were me I would be thinking along those lines and glady accept any help in facilitating my next adaptation. I would not want to endanger a buddy hence the team aproach, as for myself, death is inevitable and if it were to come to that it sure beats most other settings.

Goodluck, compassion and wisdom,
Pete

 

[dbg40]

Spectrum said it perfectly in his first sentence. Don't end the career, manage the risk. It's hard enough to loose one's abilities, let alone have it pointed out and terminated. The fact that you even asked this question would suggest that this person means somthing to you. Suggest, and offer lesser profile dives. and enjoy them. Remember, soon enough, we'll all be in exactly the same place,so be kind.

 

[RikRaeder]

I have to agree with pretty much all of these posts; manage the risk, adapt while diving together, but most of all be honest. Me? I'm a little too maybe. I told my partner straight up: "If you have a problem, don't worry...I'll help you. If I have a problem...? I'm going to die!" I wouldn't dive with her if I felt I was really in danger, but I don't count on her assistance either. At least she knows how I feel though (and I know she can handle my style of honest...hey, she agrees. Furthermore, she's taking out insurance on me...?!) In any event, somehow, within your own communication style, let them know how you feel.

 

[Walter]

Diving doesn't take a lot of strength. Without strength, one may have to pass on some dives, but that's no reason to stop diving.