No. Are you recommending that I should be?
I remember racing motorcycles with a buddy of mine... He was a sponsored Honda racer, and he was smaller and lighter than I was. His "crotch rocket" style street racer was lighter and more agile than mine was, although my bike was bigger. I used to taunt him on the straights by opening 'er up and playing, "catch me now" with him. His skills were nothing shy of spectacular, and exceeded mine in every way.
One night I took off when we hit the straights, on a road out in the Arizona desert that was dark and clear and hot and free of traffic. I remember that out there, the stars shone so brightly that you'd swear you were standing on the edge of space.
We played "catch me," signaling to each other all sorts of vulgarities, calling each other names and referencing how slow the other was. I'd kick it down a notch and blast forward, shifting from fourth gear to third at more than 140 miles per hour. (The bike had six gears - think about it for a moment.) Tucked behind the screen in a bubble of whirling air, I could not have been happier. Both of our eyes scanned the horizon for rabbits and coyotes, which wouldn't stand a chance at this speed. I remember by bike beginning to top out at nearly 200 miles per hour, and I remember his headlight getting smaller in my rearview. His smaller bike had tremendous advantages in quickness and agility... But he couldn't touch my top end. My hysterical laughter was completely drowned out by the sound of the air tearing open around me. At this speed, we were covering more than three miles a minute - the length of a football field in less than two seconds.
My buddy and I knew the road well - in fact, this sort of stupidspeed was something that we were uncannily familiar with... And this night was like many others.
At the end of the road, there was a curve - so gentle that it wasn't even marked for speed. We both knew it, and we both knew that we'd have to slip down into double digits to make it. More than a mile from the curve (about 20 seconds), we both sat bolt upright on our machines, letting the blast coming off of our windscreens nail us in the chest. The effect on speed was dramatic - in a matter of seconds, we slowed to 160. A downshift or two, and we were at 90. The gentle curve felt like a hairpin at that speed.
At the last moment, we both tapped our brakes to bleed off a few more miles per hour... But my buddy's bike stood up on it's nose and the rear tire lept into the air. I watched in slow motion as my buddy passed me to the outside of the curve, apparently completely content with the stunt we called, "high speed stoppies" - a sort of rolling, reverse wheelie. I remember thinking to myself, "Now? You wanna do stunts NOW?" My buddy was well known for this stunt, and he was a master at it.
When he hit that pole along the outside of the curve, his body exploded. It didn't register to me at all at first... Not until I wiped bone and brain off of my full face helmet did I realize that the wet feeling on my neck (the only exposed part of my skin) wasn't sweat - or even gasoline or oil from by buddy's accident.
I was the one that broke the news to my buddy's 7 year-old daughter that her daddy wasn't coming home. Not tonight, and not ever.
I struggled with that one for a long time, guys. And no, I don't streetrace any more.
I have yet to understand why someone so much more skilled than I - who was lighter and quicker and faster than me - bit it, while I simply rode it out. I banked my big bike and drove a peg into the pavement, stuck a knee out and throttled on to the exit of the turn. He was a sponsored rider. I was not.
Some day maybe I'll share my other experiences with death with you... This is the only case where I felt like I had a hand... If I'd throttled off
just once and said, "You win," it would not have happened. I look at life differently now.
But the reason I tell you this is because I want to explain how one gets to recognize death as it comes at you. It's not a sense as in, "sight, sound, touch," etc... It's more of something that you develop over time after having been splattered - getting death on you - repetitively. You just start picking up on things.
...And I'm telling you - I'd bet my own life on it - that dive was headed one way... To disaster.
Consider this for a moment: The guy telling you this has run a motorcycle 200 mph in the desert
at night. The guy telling you this scuba dived for nearly 12 years without a certification or any sort of understanding about scuba whatsoever. The guy telling you this climbs communications towers regularly - you know, the ones with microwave antennas on them - for a living. Last summer I was caught in a lightning storm while on one, at the 300' level. I am no stranger to risk; I am no stranger to death; and I am no stranger to stupidity.
But I am still alive.
And so is John Chatterton. That wasn't the way he was headed when he was headed down that anchor line.
"Medication?" Sure, man... I think I could use a good, stiff drink right about now.