Cavern/cave diving and family concern

[RJP]

At the start of the new year I will be starting my cavern class with Jeff Bauer. Since i decided to do this, the girlfriend has been very worried and concerned since a good friend of her's had her father die in a cave last year (he was an OW instructor with no cave training.) I assume many of you have spouses who do not agree with the activity. How have you minimized the worry and concern for them?

The mere fact that you're seeking the overhead training that her friend's dad lacked should help.

Take it slow and see where you go after cavern training, and use what you learn to help assuage her fears. This worked for me...

My wife was afraid when I wanted to get my OW cert, but relaxed when she saw how in-depth the training was. (OK, ok, but it WAS more in depth than she had assumed it would be. And I DID have the benefit of a very well-conducted OW course.)

Then she was worried when I told her I was getting my AOW, until I told her how non-advanced it was.

When I started wreck training/diving she had visions of "Last Dive" until she got to see what the training was about and understood the "predominantly DIR" approach I follow.

Meeting some of the folks I dive with and the folks at the shop I train with helped too when she saw how rigorous and safety-oriented they are.

When I told her I was doing cavern course she actually like the idea that I was taking an even more rigorous, formal approach to diving in the overhead environment.

I've now completed Tech 1, with Tech 2 following in the spring, and my wife is relatively comfortable with me doing deeper, longer, deco dives.

At this point, when I finally move on to Full Cave the only concern she'll have should be the travel cost and time!

 

[GDI]

First of all ask yourself this: Why Are you deciding to Learn Cavern Diving?

IF it is for some ego thing then You are not ready. If it is for additional knowledge and skills then you may be ready?

If it is so that you can safely dive the caverns and decide that today is not the day to dive them then you are starting to be ready

Take a look at your loved ones and tell them and yourself that it is every intention you have to come back at the end of the day and finish that day with them. Tell them that with your heart of hearts that you will stay well within the limits you plan the dive.

At the end of every one of those dives you appreciate them and the respect and trust that they have in you before you made that dive. And then once you make the dive you say thank-you

 

[Brian Gilpin]

Just take out a life insurance policy with the concerned person as beneficiary, Quiets em right down,

 

[Tigerman]

First of all ask yourself this: Why Are you deciding to Learn Cavern Diving?

IF it is for some ego thing then You are not ready. If it is for additional knowledge and skills then you may be ready?

If it is so that you can safely dive the caverns and decide that today is not the day to dive them then you are starting to be ready

Take a look at your loved ones and tell them and yourself that it is every intention you have to come back at the end of the day and finish that day with them. Tell them that with your heart of hearts that you will stay well within the limits you plan the dive.

At the end of every one of those dives you appreciate them and the respect and trust that they have in you before you made that dive. And then once you make the dive you say thank-you

Sorry to burst your bubble, but all recreational diving (as in non-work related), regardless of how you justify it IS "an ego thing". And a lot of work related diving probably is as well.

The question is if the reward you get, cause you DO dive to get rewarded somehow, is worth the increased risks diving DOES have and wether or not you can lower those risks to a level thats acceptable in your situation.

 

[spcoun]

My wife is the one who wants to, and I'm the freaked one.

 

[tstormdiver]

When I finished my OW Instructor course, my mother asked me, " so,.... what's next?". I basically told her (over the phone) that I was looking at doing cave (got my cavern cert. earlier in the summer thoroughly enjoyed it). I could see her rolling her eyes over that darned phone. She said, "make sure you find a good instructor". I then asked her what makes a good cave instructor. She couldn't answer & I knew she wouldn't be able to, since she doesn't dive. I'm planning of pursuing the course with my current technical instructor. I have been through a few technical courses with him already & have seen the quality he demands from those who take courses from him both personally & through the other technical divers at our LDS. I will be going though my cave course in early Feb. Not being married & only having 4 legged "kids", I had to ask mom & dad if the could watch the "kids" while I go down to FL in Feb. Mom asked why & I told her that I would be going down to dive in the springs down there. Not fully the truth, but not lying either. I figure I would go ahead & go through the training. After that the point is kind of mute. My folks know me. When I want to pursue something, I will. I am lucky in the fact that, even though I do have a responsibility to my family & pets, I do not have the immediate responsibility to a spouse or children.

In preparation for my cave class, I had to write out why I want to do cave diving. I basically wrote out a 5 page essay, why. Most of it stems from a stupid decision I made some time ago to go into an overhead environment without training & all the problems I encountered. I analyzed, sometimes brutally honestly, all the problems, the potential problems & how they affected my decision to pursue proper training. I got very lucky in that instance. I got a second chance. I'm not going to "blow it" this time. I have been working very hard this year to get my skills to the point I can consider pursuing this level of training. I have no doubt that come Feb., those skills will be put to the test.

 

[MikeFerrara]

At the start of the new year I will be starting my cavern class with Jeff Bauer. Since i decided to do this, the girlfriend has been very worried and concerned since a good friend of her's had her father die in a cave last year (he was an OW instructor with no cave training.) I assume many of you have spouses who do not agree with the activity. How have you minimized the worry and concern for them?

I wouldn't necessarily approach a concerned spouse and a "concerned" girlfriend in quite the same way.

 

[brockbr]

I'm married, and the father of 3.

I cave dive for the environment, the challenge, and the constant use of my training.

I have sat down with my wife and kids and told them:

1) The vast majority of fatalities in caves are due to lack of (and sometimes no) training.

2) I have reviewed with my wife and my older kids the most recent incidents, and shown why they are not "accidents".

3) I have told them I have no intention of dying in a cave, and take every precaution I can. This means mind, body, gear, team and cave.

4) I have told them that I could die in a cave. I could also die riding my dirt bike, riding my wakeboard, racing my car (at the track), etc. This is about *living*, not dying.

5) I have made the proper arrangements that should something happen to me, my wife, and children are financially taken care of <- That is something EVERYONE should do, period, and without excuse.

My $0.02

 

[sskasser]

I sent my mom a copy of "The Cave"....then told her not to worry...I'd bring my speargun in to kill the monsters.

 

[RJP]

I wouldn't necessarily approach a concerned spouse and a "concerned" girlfriend in quite the same way.

And I sure as heck wouldn't approach them at the same TIME!