Robert Phillips:
I left the Snorkle off the list for love for my unfortunate, oppressed OCal homies.
Good call in the 'sticker, bro. I missed that one.
More? Of course.
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About that $300 Atomic "Safe Second" in bright red? At depth, its no longer red, Einstein. Roll in with one of those when you could do a better job with a $125 real regulator and we'll laugh at you and you'll look like a dork.
If you don't tuck in your Drysuit hood, and insist on diving with it flapping in the breeze looking all Sir Walter Raleigh, well, you're just sad. Listen Beefeater, tuck the thing in, please. If you don't we'll laugh at you and you'll look like a dork.
If you're gonna dive Rock Boots with your DUI's (I do) please trim those laces. You're not in grade school gym. Listen Hackman, Hoosers was a long time ago, and nobody has wrapped laces around their ankles since the Johnson Administration. Long laces thankfully went the way of the NBA's tight shorts. Trim those laces or we'll laugh at you and you'll look like a dork.
Do I really have to come over there and cut off that flapping valve cap? Here's some news: When the valve is on, and the reg connected, you don't need the cap. Pull the cap off the tank valve and leave it in the car or we'll laugh at you and you'll look like a dork.
Colorful hose wraps? Dude, listen: dollar hookers and freshly minted SSI divers wear colorful fishnets (not that that's a deal breaker) - real divers dive real hoses. Leave the $50 matching hose wrap job for the wankers in the 909. If you want to be taken seriously as a diver, roll in serious gear. Show up at the dive site with purple hose wrap and matching purple strain reliefs and we'll laugh at you and you'll look like a dork.
Bust out a hammer and knock the tank boots off your doubles, bro. Nothing says "I'm diving rental gear" like tank boots on doubles. If you gotta stand up the twin towers, you're a loser and we'll laugh at you and you'll look like a dork.
Next....
