Ah... modern dating :-)

[spartanws6]

Well this is my first non-diving related post so here goes!

I am a 27 yr old male, no kids, no baggage, bachelors and masters done, combat vet and soon to be vegas cop. No, I am not trying to toot a horn here, but I would like to make a point.

Because I have waited for marrage and kids, I believe it has really allowed me to press forward and enjoy life and reach some life-long goals. By no means am I against marrage, and I would be really excited if I walked out of work tonight and ran into the woman of my dreams... that being said.....

Why is my generation in such a hurry to go out and get married and have kids? As I slowly increase in years, I cannot believe the number of single ladies that I meet that have two kids, divorced (sometimes) or never married, and are struggling. Even my male friends all seem to be taking the plunge into married world.

I am simply shocked at the number of single mothers and fathers out there trying to make ends meet. It is kind of depressing if you think about it. On a personal note, unless I want to merge into a family, it is harder and harder to find nice, attractive, outgoing and adventurious ladies who do not have any baggage per se.

Anyone else seeing this out there these days? It was a topic of conversation here at work so I thought I would throw it out there to see what you'all thought. take care and be safe!!!!

 

[drbill]

Many of my peers also got married early (right out of college). It was somewhat traditional back then. Fortunately many of them stuck it out, at least until the kids were old enough. I think one problem these days is the lack of serious commitment and willingness to work things out.

I think my generation was equally blind to the realities marriage entails, but did stick it out with greater frequency. Of course my parent's generation was far more committed than either of the following ones.

I agree that it is depressing to see the single parents out there. Depressing for the sake of the kids especially, but for the parents as well.

Given my age, I can "easily" find women who have children who are independent and on their own. Although it isn't quite the same, it does bring a similar freedom in the relationship.

Dr. Bill

 

[spartanws6]

Ya know you bring up some very good points... definately the lack of commitment to "sticking it out". Also I like the idea that most of the ladies I am speaking about are not the self-reliant, capable women who really don't NEED a man in their lives. It get's old trying to figure out if they are into you... or if they are "daddy" hunting

 

[Jim Ernst]

there is a lot that i could say on this but i had better bite my toung, i am a single father and have two kids, a 15 yr old daughter and an 8 yr old son, it has been very difficult, 17 yrs into the relationship and a lot of nastyness on her part , well i tend to agree with the prior posts, commitment is a huge biggie now days, glad to be out of that abusive relationship but has been rough on me and more importantly the kids

 

[MoonWrasse]

Well this is my first non-diving related post so here goes!

I am a 27 yr old male, no kids, no baggage, bachelors and masters done, combat vet and soon to be vegas cop. No, I am not trying to toot a horn here, but I would like to make a point.

Because I have waited for marrage and kids, I believe it has really allowed me to press forward and enjoy life and reach some life-long goals. By no means am I against marrage, and I would be really excited if I walked out of work tonight and ran into the woman of my dreams... that being said.....

Why is my generation in such a hurry to go out and get married and have kids? As I slowly increase in years, I cannot believe the number of single ladies that I meet that have two kids, divorced (sometimes) or never married, and are struggling. Even my male friends all seem to be taking the plunge into married world.

I am simply shocked at the number of single mothers and fathers out there trying to make ends meet. It is kind of depressing if you think about it. On a personal note, unless I want to merge into a family, it is harder and harder to find nice, attractive, outgoing and adventurious ladies who do not have any baggage per se.

Anyone else seeing this out there these days? It was a topic of conversation here at work so I thought I would throw it out there to see what you'all thought. take care and be safe!!!!

It could also be that where you are, has attracted many from California recently for it's cheap housing, many of these I undestand were struggling in CA to raise their kids. So you see a concentration. Conversely single women/no kids tend to leave, which explains why I see so many in SF. In fact it's been a long time problem for them here to find guys who are available and are financially solvent.

 

[spartanws6]

there is a lot that i could say on this but i had better bite my toung, i am a single father and have two kids, a 15 yr old daughter and an 8 yr old son, it has been very difficult, 17 yrs into the relationship and a lot of nastyness on her part , well i tend to agree with the prior posts, commitment is a huge biggie now days, glad to be out of that abusive relationship but has been rough on me and more importantly the kids

once again... good point. In the end it always seems that the kids catch the worst of it

 

[spartanws6]

It could also be that where you are, has attracted many from California recently for it's cheap housing, many of these I undestand were struggling in CA to raise their kids. So you see a concentration. Conversely single women/no kids tend to leave, which explains why I see so many in SF. In fact it's been a long time problem for them here to find guys who are available and are financially solvent.

lol.... yup, we are cali flooded right now

 

[MoonWrasse]

lol.... yup, we are cali flooded right now

I just read that CA grew by 500,000 people last year, so if only 100,000 left for Vegas there's still no more room here

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/n/a/2005/05/02/state/n200245D62.DTL

 

[simbrooks]

It could also be that where you are, has attracted many from California recently for it's cheap housing, many of these I undestand were struggling in CA to raise their kids. So you see a concentration. Conversely single women/no kids tend to leave, which explains why I see so many in SF. In fact it's been a long time problem for them here to find guys who are available and are financially solvent.

I see exactly what spartan has stated all over the place, in all the states i have visited and around the UK as well. There might be local pockets where the majority havent jumped right in after college and started a family (married or not) only to split a few years down the line which leaves a lot of baggage for folks who have waited a while to start this whole thing up.

I guess i am/have been lucky that i keep finding those who arent recovering from some of these early life "hiccups", but i sure do have to look around to find them compared to how the options were open when i was coming out of college. I am very thankful i have found my current GF who is willing to do all this (marriage, family etc), but has also waited it out a while for the right one.

 

[DA Aquamaster]

It is not so much a lack of committment that is causing higher divorce rates, there are other factors involved. 40-50 years ago wives stayed married because they had no other choice as it was very difficult for a single woman to support herself and her children economically or socially. The result was often women staying in unfullfilling or abusive relationships where they would today have the option of leaving. And frominterviewinf more than one formerly abused grandma, I get the impression women in that era would have excercised the option if they had had it.

Persoanlly I think that the greater freedom of women to leave bad relationships is a great change. That freedom places much more responsibility on a man to ensure that his spouse's emotional needs are met but at the same time places a greater responsibility on women to not abuse their newly earned power, so marriage is a much taller order for both parties.

I am also not a beliver in the myth of staying together for the sake of the children. Having grown up in an unhappy home and having worked for about 5 years as a child protection social worker and having observed the results of kids growing up in homes where mom and dad do not have any genuine love for each other, I can tell you that you are deluding yourself if you think staying in an unhappy marriage is the right thing to do for the kids.

The reality is that the kids know full well what is going on and once they figure out mom and dad are just doing it for the kids, they feel responsible and guilty. They also are denied the opportunity to see and experience a normal healthy male female relationship and are consequently hard pressed to have one themselves as adults as they have a really poor example to model their own behavior on. The result is unhealthy relationships and a divorce. Despite the conservative view, church opions etc, kids are better off watching mom/stepdad and dad/stepmom in happy relationships than they are growing up with mom and dad in separate bedrooms literally or figuratively.

So if anyone is in an unhappy marriage, with or without kids, my advice is to make a concerted effort to fix it and if that is not possible or if your spouse is unwilling to help change things, get out.

I also have to say that baggage does not matter. If a woman you love has a child, you love child because she is hers and you do not love the child any less because it is not yours. If you can't do that you are not much of a man or a father and she and her child deserve far better.