A risk worth taking ????

[Web Monkey]

Your first action should be to respect his wishes.

It's a little creepy to come to terms with, but everybody dies eventually. The concept of a "good death" is unfortunately only clear after witnessing a bad one.

Your dad apparently has a strong preference to continue diving, and really, I can't blame him. Given the choice of a reasonably quick death from a heart-attack or drowing while diving, and a long drawn out death in a hospital, I'd pick diving too.

Terry

Of course I don't want to WATCH HIM DIE, or be a VEGETABLE, or him to go INTO A COMA!!!!!!!!!! And NO NO NO NO....I'm deffinately not prepared to watch him have a heart attack and not help. I will do whatever I need to do. WHATEVER!!!! My whole dilema is I don't know what MY first action should be.

 

[scubajoh44]

Yes, I understand what your saying. Not offended.

I WILL help my Dad. He knows that. There is NO way that I couldn't. I just don't know if I should go at all. He's going though. Should I risk not going and not being there to help, or going and having to watch him have a heart attack or worse?

My Dad and I have a great relationship. It is all based on diving. We talk scuba, we go on trips, buy gear, ect... We are the only divers in the family and it has brought us close. This dilema will DRASTICALLY change our relationship. No matter what action I take. I want to choose the best one. That's why I'm asking fellow divers. Only fellow divers will understand.

 

[Randy43068]

like you are more concerned with the impact the guy would have on you, if he died while diving, rather than being concerned with him.

And that's OK, but if he was your family member I'd suggest you not stand in his way to enjoy the time he has left.

I'm simply concerned about the psychological ramifications for his dive buddy. You're happily diving along when buddy clutches chest and convulses (or whatever a heart attack victim does underwater). Do you rescue him and risk having him end up in a coma or otherwise limited in what he can do with his life (and possibly blaming you for that--aka "I wish you had let me die") if the heart attack wasn't enough to kill him? Do you stay and watch him die the way he wants to go? Not a position I would want to be in.

Sorry for sounding so harsh Jo, it's the only way I know how to explain my feelings.
Ber :lilbunny:

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

I don't know. This is really driving me crazy!!!!!! I did tell him that I didn't want to have to pull the mask off his face and him not be breathing. He's one of those stubborn men that just says, "nothing's going to happen, don't be stupid, I'm going diving."
I don't think I can stop him from diving, but maybe I can slow him down a little if I refuse to go. But then again, I don't want him going with someone that may not know his condition as well as me. At least I can keep an eye on him. AND... I SURE wouldn't want him to know that I halfway understand how he feels.
I just don't know!

Consider that your dad isn't comfortable with his daughter telling him what he can and can't do ... even though I'm sure he knows that you have his best interest at heart. He's at the stage of his life where he might feel he's losing control over decisions he's used to making ... and that's a tough thing to deal with.

If I were you, I would consider the probability that if I don't dive with him, he'll find someone else who will. But if I do dive with him, I can (as his dive buddy) help put some parameters on the dive profiles, the conditions under which a dive gets called, and any number of things where both dive buddies need to agree in order for the dive to happen.

Subborn people can be dealt with, you just have to find ways to help them think that what you want them to do was their idea ... and in this case, that any limits you might want to put on the dive aren't for his sake ... they're for yours.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[Randy43068]

I have no idea about what condition my Dad is in. He's not going to tell me either. I got as much info as I could from the family doctor, but that was limited too. He just sent him to a cardiologist. I know he saw a cardiologist, but don't know what was found out. I highly doubt I will be able to get any more info. He won't even tell my mom what was said. He's so diving minded that he won't hear of not diving from anyone. If telling us what a doctor said is going to make us tell him to stop....he's not telling.
Most of our diving is fresh water. It ranges from 20 - 85 feet. No boats. I tote his equipment. I've been doing that for a while..... don't mind at all.
Of course I don't want to WATCH HIM DIE, or be a VEGETABLE, or him to go INTO A COMA!!!!!!!!!! And NO NO NO NO....I'm deffinately not prepared to watch him have a heart attack and not help. I will do whatever I need to do. WHATEVER!!!! My whole dilema is I don't know what MY first action should be.

Ask him how he would like you to handle things when it comes to pass.

 

[Randy43068]

your replies are so eloquent.

Consider that your dad isn't comfortable with his daughter telling him what he can and can't do ... even though I'm sure he knows that you have his best interest at heart. He's at the stage of his life where he might feel he's losing control over decisions he's used to making ... and that's a tough thing to deal with.

If I were you, I would consider the probability that if I don't dive with him, he'll find someone else who will. But if I do dive with him, I can (as his dive buddy) help put some parameters on the dive profiles, the conditions under which a dive gets called, and any number of things where both dive buddies need to agree in order for the dive to happen.

Subborn people can be dealt with, you just have to find ways to help them think that what you want them to do was their idea ... and in this case, that any limits you might want to put on the dive aren't for his sake ... they're for yours.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[dpbishop]

he's an old guy. If he wants to "go" while diving, why not let him? I would.

He's not old, he's only 68!!! My Mom & Dad are 83 and ski at least two weeks every year. (which is more than I get to do; pisses me off). Age need not stop us from doing the things we like to do if we keep in shape and stay within our limits.

Tell him you want him to stick around so he can dive with his grandkids. Hide his C-card. Play the guilt-card. Tell him you need to know everything about his condition so you can be prepared for whatever happens. If he is a diver, he should understand about being prepared. Maybe a uw-scooter would allow him to keep diving without over-exertion.

 

[Walter]

Darlin',

Talk it out with him. Explain you understand he's decided to keep diving, that you won't try to make him stop. You only want to keep him diving as long as possible. Share your concerns with him, not as a method of ending his diving, but as a method of continuing it as long as possible. Let him help you find solutions.

 

[scubajoh44]

I am more concerned with his impact on me rather than him. I can't change his actions! I MIGHT could slow him down, but he's still going to dive. I bet if I called him right now and told him I wasn't diving with him anymore.....I'de call home this weekend and mom would tell me that Dad had gone diving. That's just how he is.

I guess I'll continue diving with him. It's just HORRIBLE thought that Daddy could not plan our next dive. And, I know that the rest of my family will not understand. (but who really cares)

 

[Randy43068]

He's not old, he's only 68!!! My Mom & Dad are 83 and ski at least two weeks every year. (which is more than I get to do; pisses me off). Age need not stop us from doing the things we like to do if we keep in shape and stay within our limits.

Tell him you want him to stick around so he can dive with his grandkids. Hide his C-card. Play the guilt-card. Tell him you need to know everything about his condition so you can be prepared for whatever happens. If he is a diver, he should understand about being prepared. Maybe a uw-scooter would allow him to keep diving without over-exertion.

it's a matter of perspective. I'm 49 and people call me OLD. He's old enough to chose his own path, and one I'd respect were I his kin.