Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[Dracunos]

Someone's got to remember this... I just recently re-discovered it, haha. I love superman!

YouTube - Throwing the S! In Superman 2, Superman throws his 'S' Emblem!?

 

[billtodive]

A man was driving around town one night, thinking how boring his life had been. He stopped at a red light and was paying no attention to the activities around him. A hooker yelled from the sidewalk "20 bucks". He had never even considered using a prostitute, but said "OK", almost without thought. They were just begun doing the deed when a bright light shone upon them, a loud voice thundered out, and a door squeaked open... The officer said "What are you doing?
The man "Having sex with my wife"
Officer: "Sorry, I didn't know"
The man " I didn't either, untill you shined the light in her face"

 

[SolarStorm]

Bad Parenting...

 

[SeaHorse81]

The power of captioning...

 

[Ed L.]

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard,
so he decided to take them to the county fair
and sell them. At the fair, he met another
farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking
a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split
everything 50/50. The farmers lived 60 miles
apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles
each, and find a field in which to let the pigs
mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female
pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the
family station wagon, which was the only vehicle
he had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other
farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If their lying in the
grass in the morning, they're pregnant. If
they're in the mud their not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the
mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the
family station wagon again and proceeded to try
again. This continued each morning for a week.

The next morning he was too tired to get out of
bed. He called his wife, "Honey, please look
outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the
mud or on the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife,
"they're in the station wagon and one of them is
honking the horn."

 

[pidgiepoo]

The best Blonde Joke of the Year???
> A blonde
went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother
overseas.
> When the man told her it
would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd
do ANYTHING to get a message to my
mother."
> The man arched an eyebrow (as we
would expect).
> "Anything?" he
asked.
> "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde
promised.
>
> Well,
then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next
room.
> The blonde did as she was
told and followed the man.
> " Come in and close
the door" the man said.
> She
did.
> He then said "Now get on your
knees."
>
> She
did.
> "Now take down my
zipper."
> She
did.
> "Now go ahead ... Take it out....."
He said.
>
> She reached in and grabbed it
with both hands .
> Then
paused.
> The man closed his eyes and
whispered ..
> "Well ... Go
ahead."
> The blonde slowly brought her mouth
closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... ..tentatively
said ....
>
>
> "Hello. Mum, can you hear me,
are you

 

[santafejoe]

This discussion was overheard by our group today at a bar in Wisconsin during a golf rainout:



Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, my lost savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline.

I had to press “1” for English.

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

 

[ScubaSteve]

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

:spit:

I am sure someone will complain but I for one can take that as a joke and say it was hilarious.

 

[Ed L.]

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station
that was closed for the night. They approached one of the
gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying,'Greet-
ings Earthing, We come in peace, take us to your leader.'
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his
greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty
attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greet-
ings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this
way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You
probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you
should make him mad.'

Rubbish, replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared toward them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him, a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his thee eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien
who was standing over him shaking his big green head.

'What a ferocious creature!, exclaimed the young ,fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his
crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who loops his penis over his shoulder twice and then sticks it in his ear.'

 

[SolarStorm]

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.



This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:




* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,Honduras and Guatemala .



* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .




* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in America by:


1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )



Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.