Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[dive_lover88]

rule 1. Murphy is always right
rule 2. if he is wrong, refer back to rule 1.

cheers

 

[Wayward Son]

newly certified diver on his 1st real dives:

"What if I run out of air?"

Dive boat captain:

"Come back up here. Plenty of air up here."

 

[Pirate Lady]

Many years ago on a live aboard, a diver was just about to enter the water. She looked down to check the water. Upon seeing a large something swimming past she freaked! The divemaster helping her into the water said " Oh, that's just a diverfish" . She put in her log book.......saw a diverfish today!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[justleesa]

too funny!

My husband always says
"Motion sickness, either you get over it or you die"
"Eagles may soar, but turtles don't get sucked into jet engines"

 

[24940]

rule 1. Murphy is always right
rule 2. if he is wrong, refer back to rule 1.

cheers

Murphy was a diver.

 

[wreckchick]

Working in the Florida Keys, I have a couple that wants to double-dip the Adolphus Busch and they ask for 32%. No problem.

They arrive for the dive, "How deep in the wreck?"

Me, "It's 115' to the sand, the deck is around 95'."

Them, "Is nitrox good for a dive like that?"

Me, "Yes?"

Them, "Ok!"

You'll be happy to know they lived.

(Yes, they were nitrox certified, and yes, I counseled them on why it was a proper mix for the dives)

And recently... "I didn't know that the ocean actually looked like I've seen on TV!"

and, a snorkeler... "How do I work this stuff?"

"Well, put the mask on and breathe through the snorkel, then swim."

"That's not very helpful."

Rachel

 

[Potapko]

Overheard in the dive shop, "I am doing my nitrox course so I can go deeper.

On a trip to Tunisia I was diving on an Italian shipwreck at 24 meters. the Instructor and DM spoke only French. Two English non-divers went with us for a "try scuba" dive with the instructor. He had not told them anything since he spoke no English. They began asking me questions on the way out.
The best was when one of them held up the inflater and asked me, "Does this little button make you go up and down?" Needless to say I dived solo and stayed on the other side of the wreck. They lived and then complained on the way back that they had been promised a 20 minute dive. I told them they were lucky to be alive!

 

[Reefdiver77]

When we were newlyweds, in 1977, my husband and I, both newly certified, flew to the Keys for a week of diving. We went out of Key Largo to Pennekamp with Bill Crawford's Tropic Isle Dive Shop (no longer in business). We bought T Shirts that said "The Deeper It Is, The Better It Feels". When we returned home and my Mom saw us in them she told us we were only to wear these to bed!!

 

[TheAlmightyHubbard]

It's rather more worrying that her understanding of deco theory was so poor that she assumed the "24 hour rule" applies to flying before diving as well.

As to quotes, I was making a dive to 40m with a divemaster buddy and was explaining that I'd filled my tank by topping off the previous 32% mix with air and had analysed it at 24%.

"Oh", he said, "so you're diving Slightrox today".

 

[J.R.]

Two years ago my wife decided to get certified. As we were driving to the dive site for her first experience out of the pool and discussing this and that... she suddenly got a funny look on her face and asked, "If you fart in your wet suit... does it change your buoyancy?"

... I almost drove off the road...