If your significant other doesn't want to learn to dive DON'T Pressure them!!!

[seaducer]

When I met my GF, she told me she didn't dive and didn't want to. I was cool with that, just told her I am a diver, and that I am going to dive as often as I can, she will have to deal with that if she wants to date me.

Then she saw my pics, and got a taste of the dive life last summer at a quarry. She hears me talk about it all the time. Suddenly she wanted to get certified. Less than a month later she was in a class, and now she will be getting her certification in Bonaire in 7 days!

My question is, did she decide this in order to spend more time with me, or did my passion and enthusiasm inspire her to try something new? And if it is the former, than I guess I pressured her subliminally and down the line I guess I will have to pay that price...

On the other hand, she liked the class and is impressed with herself for breathing underwater, I just might have created a monster!

Only time will tell...

 

[Jim Kerr]

My question is, did she decide this in order to spend more time with me, or did my passion and enthusiasm inspire her to try something new?

It was your passion and enthusiasm that got her. When she heard and saw how much fun you were having, any fears or phobias that she had about diving were deminished. I see it all the time when non diving friends ask me about it. I watch their faces light up when I tell them about my adventures.

 

[24940]

That passion can be a double edged sword. We WANT our SO to feel that same passion, but sometimes it just isn't there or can be obscured by a bad experience or phobia. There are several aspects to diving which a person can stumble on. To name a few:

Water
If you have a fear of it, good luck enjoying diving.
Gear
Many people are somewhat phobic about things mechanical or gear intensive.
Physical
Tolerance for cold, ability to equalize, tolerance for exertion, adequate strength can all impact the enjoyment of the experience.
Mental
That's the biggy. 90% of diving is mental and if someone thinks they can't do something, they probably can't.

We may be great divers, but getting someone through issues like these takes experience, skill and patience. It's easy to relate what works for us, but when that doesn't work for our SO, it can be frustrating and that can come across as anger or disgust.

 

[Ann Marie]

My husband LOVES looking at my photos. One of the first things he asks me when I get home from diving is what did you see. When we snorkel, he wears a vest and squeezes my hand tight but he loves it. He is just not comfortable in the water. Seeing people in a pool on Scuba makes him anxious. He's only seen me come out of the water in Scuba gear once and that was enough for him.

 

[BKP]

Not sure if this is the exception to the rule... or just another possibility...

I never applied heavy-handedness to convince my wife to dive, however, I was persistent...

She...
1- had a fear of the water
2- had a fear of actually breathing underwater
3- had a fear of all that gear strapped on her
4- couldn't get her to sink even with the cinder blocks we were strapping to her in the pool (finally figured out she was filling her lungs and just wouldn't exhale on the surface)...

After some *gentle* persuasion...
1- she LOVES diving...
2- she swims underwater like a fish...
3- she puts more experienced divers to shame with her buoyancy control, and other skills...
4- she puts *me* to shame with her SAC rate
5- she is still grateful for the persistence applied in getting her to try it...
6- her tendancy to seasickness hasn't even put her off on it...
7- she's gone from a fear of putting her face in the water, to doing dives like the Spiegel Grove without blinking...

Thus... the tagline below...

 

[Jim Kerr]

As an Instructor I cringe every time I hear someone say that they want to learn to dive because their significant other wants them to. The majority of the time the student doesn't really have the true desire to dive but to make their 'other' happy and to spend time together.

This was apparently the case on a recent trip I was on in the Fiji Islands. A newlywed couple was traveling with us (a large group) and this was to be their "Honeymoon"! The groom had been certified awhile and the bride was getting certified there.

For newlyweds, they did not look like they were having a good time at all. Not once did I ever see either one of them crack a smile or even talk to anyone the entire week we were there. No, it wasn't because they were "tired"!

 

[Cajuncru Diver]

I think we need to understand there can be a legimate difference between "encouraging" one's spouse or significant other to dive and "pressuring" someone........I find nothing objectionable towards encouraging anyone to experience the joy that comes to all of us from participating in diving activities.....nine years ago, after a lot of "encouragement" my wife reluctantly at first decided to give it a try.........see took to it like a fish and for the last nine years I have had the pleasure of going all over the world with my best dive buddy.

 

[landlockeddiver]

Last week in Curacao, I saw a woman doing her check out dives, mask removal, etc with an instructor as her husband was encouraging her to do this, do that etc. Finally I heard the husband say "just do it, c'mon this is getting embarrassing" & other helpful things. Had I been his wife, I'd have told him to stick a snorkel in it (use your imagination here) and why didn't the instructor ask him to leave them alone while she completed these skills? I know I was very anxious when I did my check outs and having someone harping at me would've pissed me off. My husband doesn't do water sports of any kind & I respect that just as he respects my interest in diving. It works for us!

 

[BKP]

It was your passion and enthusiasm that got her. When she heard and saw how much fun you were having, any fears or phobias that she had about diving were deminished. I see it all the time when non diving friends ask me about it. I watch their faces light up when I tell them about my adventures.

You're absolutely right.

I don't talk about *anything* as passionately/enthusiastically as I do my diving...

And, it's certainly infectious...

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

It isn't just SO's either ... perhaps the worst example of pressure I ever saw came from a father who had enrolled his two sons in a class I was DM'ing for. The older son was fine ... but it was obvious that the younger son really didn't want to be there. The poor kid was terrified of the water. But Dad wouldn't take no for an answer. We finally got the kid through pool skills and got him into the OW. He freaked on the first dive. When I brought him in, Dad stood on the beach and yelled at him for being a ... part of the female anatomy.

Day 2 rolls around and older son shows up with doubles ... Dad insisted that "everyone in our family wears doubles". Fortunately the instructor said no, and we put the kid back in a singles rig. Younger son never finished the class.

I felt bad for those two boys ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)