When your buddy's diving goals/style differ from yours

[Dogbowl]

Every post here makes some sense to me. Personally I wouldn't have ever considered being a once a year "vacation" diver--too dangerous for me--I'd forget too much, yes even with a refresher. OTOH, I would have almost no interest in lake diving, as I see you are from T.O. A like-minded buddy seems the obvious answer--a female one if that's a problem. I would think finding one in the area wouldn't be too hard.

At my current level of experience, I really don't want a new buddy to think that he/she is "babysitting" me.

 

[drrich2]

Couple dynamics and unconscious beliefs/expectations about couple obligations and individual freedom come up in some of these threads (often an avid diver with a non-diving spouse, so in a sense you're fortunate with what you've got). My wife dove a little before having our 4-year old, but she was a tropical aquarium conditions only vacation diver 'dabbler.' A few dives once a year would be plenty. And then my other buddy was prone to get sea sick and take long afternoon naps (disastrous in Bonaire when time's a waste'in...).

I took an SDI Solo Diver course, and that's been a help. But it's not an all situations cure-all.

Consider these questions...

1.) If you wanted to go on a solo trip, such as a live-aboard to do a lot of diving, or on an advanced diving trip, would that be a problem?

2.) If he wanted to go on a solo trip (to deer hunt, ski, watch a ball game in another state, hike, mountain climb, tour a museum, whatever he likes to do), and left you home, would that be a problem?

3.) If you wanted to go on a trip optimal for your needs (e.g.: had some deep wrecks, or cavern penetration, etc...), and instead chose a compromise destination (e.g.: tropical aquarium condition shallow reef diving), would that be a problem?

4.) Are you one of those 'big on togetherness' people, or is your philosophy 'Welcome to tag along, but no obligation to do so?' Do you think you're 'supposed to do' things together, and if so, like what?

5.) To what extent is the problem you wanting to do dives he won't be qualified for, and to what extent that you want to dedicate more (vacation time, money, etc...) to diving a lot and he wants to 'dabble' in it but do other things?

While some spouses take issue with their partner heading off unsupervised on extended trips to exotic destinations with opposite sex participants, there are other reasons people have issues with independent vacations.

Some destinations offer a mix; a Key Largo trip may offer the option for deep wrecks in the morning, shallow reefs in the afternoon.

Richard.

 

[wildbill9]

A. You are lucky your spouse likes to dive. Many here can't say that. B. Find out what he likes about diving. Big stuff? Colors? Small stuff? Ever tried photography? There is something that hooks his interest. C. Don't get hung up on badges. True knowledge comes from experience. My s.o. is open water certified but has in excess of 400 dives and she is an excellent diver. D. Include him in your planning, talk and communicate. Next year my dive buddy, my best friend and the love of my life will celebrate our 30th anniversary. Thru communication we found out why we each lived to dive. My wife, my love has been my dive buddy for over 31 years ( yes we dove together before we got married). Sharing the dive experience has brought us closer. Diving is like sex....its better when someone else is there. Jmho Bill

 

[Dogbowl]

Lots of good questions to think about and suggestions. Thanks!

 

[TMHeimer]

At my current level of experience, I really don't want a new buddy to think that he/she is "babysitting" me.

Yeah, that does pose thought. When I started out I buddied with a fellow newbie and we "learned" together. When I was an active DM I came to not like that idea so much, as neither of us had Rescue Cert. or any training beyond OW. So, I advised students to try to buddy with a more experienced diver, which may not be possible for some people (due to location, whatever). I have read on SB of quite a number of experienced divers who enjoy buddying with newer ones. As well, you may not necessarily hook up always with the same buddy, but several different (experienced?) ones here & there. The Dive Club ideas are excellent too, as is the idea of doing charters solo (that is, with an instabuddy--one you are paired with right on the boat). This has obvious disadvantages (many threads on this on SB), but that's what I did when I started out, as my wife doesn't dive. I lived.

 

[Youngandfree]

Now you know what men go through when trying to get their wives into shooting guns.

 

[BB`]

One of my best dive buddies is in the same boat.

She loves to dive any chance she gets and we do lots of cold water murky dives just to get wet while her husband will only get in if the water is over 70f and 50ft vis (has never happened at the local lake). Over the past 3 years we have done around 100 dives together and he has logged 14.

He enjoys going to tropical places and taking a quick dive, she is a fish who will find an excuse to go diving and they are both happy with it.


As far as any worries about being a "crappy noob diver"... We were ALL there at some point and the fastest way to get better is dive with people who are good at it that can give honest feedback on what skills you could improve on.

 

[BDSC]

What's ironic is that he's a natural diver in the water; things just come much more naturally to him, like trim and buoyancy. I, on the other hand, struggle with these things but have the correct attitude.

Obviously I don't know your husband but maybe the reason he's not as passionate about diving as you are is because he doesn't find it to be a challenge. It seems to come natural to him while you are going to have to work at it. Of course the good news is you can eventually be as comfortable in the water as he is with more time in the water and maybe more classes in the areas you struggle with.

If I were looking for things that were challenging, I would have never stuck with diving. I found it to be easy to learn and easy to do. I just like being underwater and I love to travel so I keep with it. My wife likes to dive but she's not as passionate about it as I am. One trip a year and she's good to go. This year I will have taken four trips and she went on just one but she's OK with that as am I.

If you two aren't joined at the hip, let diving take you where you want to go with it and let him tag along when he's ready and stay home when he's not.

 

[Lorenzoid]

Obviously I don't know your husband but maybe the reason he's not as passionate about diving as you are is because he doesn't find it to be a challenge. It seems to come natural to him while you are going to have to work at it. . . .

I can't speak for the OP, but she mentioned her husband doesn't even want to take more courses, which WOULD challenge him. Something like GUE Fundies can humble even the most experienced divers.

 

[SoFlaDiver954]

I agree with all of the sentiments here. I would also suggest that you and your husband do some different types of diving and see if anything strikes your fancy. Wrecks maybe more than reefs? Underwater photo or spearfishing? Even metal detecting...