When is it ok to leave a buddy?

[Hoag]

How close *is* close enough to be a proper buddy? I'm assuming on a night dive it is very, very, very close.

( The reason I'm asking so many buddy questions is that I'm going on my first "dive trip" where all my dives will be "instabuddy" dives. )

Before you get i the water, talk to your insta-buddy. Ask them since you have never dove as a buddy team with each other before, what do you expect of me? How close do you want me to be and then do (as much as is practical) what you mutually agreed to. As I said in an earlier post, never underestimate the importance of good communication.

 

[rabe]

I'll disagree ... in fact, I think that is downright bad advice as stated. Diving is very situational, and there are few rules that are so absolute that they should begin with the word NEVER. This is one of them.

You have no obligation to stay with a buddy who is ...

(a) intentionally breaking the plan in a way that makes you uncomfortable
(b) diving in a dangerous manner (for example, doing a dive without adequate training)
(c) ignoring your signal to turn around or surface
(d) forcing you to dive above your training level in order to stay with him
(e) ...

There are several other legitimate reasons to decide to separate from your dive buddy. Almost all of them the result of your buddy doing something irresponsible.

As your mom always said, "Just because your buddy decides to jump off a cliff doesn't mean you have to go with him." Same applies to diving ... don't put yourself into a situation that may result in a rescue or body recovery because you think it's more important to stick with your dive buddy. All too often the irresponsible dive buddy will be fine ... it's the one who chose to stay with him who will end up being the subject of an Incidents and Accidents thread.

You, and ONLY you, are responsible for your safety ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

I agree with that.
There is a line, a limit, that you don't want to cross.
It's up to you, to your experience, to the conditions of the day, to how you're feeling in that particular moment, that define the distance between you and that line.
In my example on the other 3d (Bad buddies), I'd decided that going to deco, ruin my day, and probably risk my health, just because of that dude it wasn't the best choice, therefore I decided "Screw him, I'm on my own.". Luckily for me, I have enough experience to know what to do and how to do it without jeopardise myself.

 

[rabe]

He did, yes. The buddy was a bit spooked over the experience (after all, none of this was intentional, and it can be deceptively easy to lose track of depth in clear blue water along a bottomless wall). He chose to sit out the next dive.

I went back the water as a group of three with the girls.

That's good...
...and lucky you.

 

[gcarter]

I’m frequently a single on boat dives and deal with insta buddies regularly. My last dive in Destin was with an instabuddy who is an instructor on vacation.

I always dive nitrox and he happened to be on air (found out later). When he started going 20-30 feet above me, I had no choice but to rise with him. Back on the boat, I discover he was on air and out of no deco time. Some would say let him go and enjoy your dive. But in my mind there is an implied agreement when you buddy up to stick together and keep each other safe.

I’ve also seen it argued here on Scubaboard that the is an implied legal liability when you agree to buddy up with someone. If something happens and things go south, you should be prepared, within the limits of your training, to rescue your buddy.

You should have been aware of what each of you were carrying in your tanks before splashing. You weren't really buddies as you had not even discussed the most basic of plans.

 

[divinh]

I've had instabuddies swim off and I ended up being somewhere in the middle, keeping one eye on the DM and one eye on the buddy, kinda acting like a bridge for when he/she decides to rejoin the group.

 

[M DeM]

A lot of places offer the option to hire a "private DM/guide." Although I bring my own buddy these days, with so many insta-buddy horror stories, I think if I were to find myself having to travel without my buddy, I would hire a buddy before I would tolerate being randomly assigned a buddy. I think it's money well spent. A private DM/guide can also point out interesting marine life to you that you might otherwise have overlooked. Also, in some circumstances there may be an opportunity to get to know people before the diving starts, and it may be possible to choose a buddy who seems compatible. But I wouldn't count on that.

I didn't know that was an option! Really good to know!

 

[M DeM]

A good rule of thumb is that if you both extend your arms, your fingertips should touch. If you're any closer, it's hard to swim without running into each other's fins (newer divers often want to swim closer, which can be really annoying). If you're much farther, it can be easy to lose track of one another and more difficult to communicate or respond to an emergency.

Where you position yourself is important too. Stay on the same side of your buddy - don't switch back and forth unless necessary. Stay in a place where you're visible in their peripheral vision. Don't swim directly behind, or worse, directly above them.

Lights are very helpful for passive communication, and of course essential at night. Keep your light beam in your buddy's field of view. Keep it stable and avoid wild movements (that can be a challenge if you're used to swimming/stabilizing with your arms). A slow back and forth sweep can call out a cool thing to look at. A circle can signal OK (to which you need to reply). A chaotic back and forth movement signals emergency.

These are great tips. I'll keep them in mind when I'm buddy-ing, because I think I have checked off every "do not..." as something I've actually done. (changing sides, being above, being behind....) Thanks-- this stuff helps a lot.

 

[M DeM]

I've had instabuddies swim off and I ended up being somewhere in the middle, keeping one eye on the DM and one eye on the buddy, kinda acting like a bridge for when he/she decides to rejoin the group.

I see you're a photographer... having to keep an eye on two folks *and* trying to take pictures? Isn't that a lot? And do you find that you're better off paired with another photographer?

 

[M DeM]

Once again your instincts are good. If you have signaled to them that you are going up they should as well. You are responsible for yourself and never let one potential accident turn into two.
These are all really good thoughts to have on your part but flesh these questions out on the surface. Most of the time I think you will find that you will have the answer to these questions without even having to ask them point blank. Crappy dive partners are the exception and not the rule.
Bottom line is hammer out the basic details above water. Dive experience, expectations, gear, etc enough so that you can enjoy the dive itself.

Thanks for the help!

 

[M DeM]

As an example ... you're diving on a wreck at recreational depths. You and your dive buddy are moderately experienced, and both have OW, AOW and Rescue training only. You are diving standard AL80 rental tanks. At 90 fsw you come upon what looks like an easy entry to the wreck. Your buddy, without warning, decides to check it out and disappears inside the wreck.

What do you do?

(a) follow him inside
(b) wait just outside the wreck, hoping he re-emerges
(c) look around, hoping for another buddy team you can hook up with
(d) ascend to the boat and put in first dibs on your buddy's dive gear when they recover his body
(e) ... other (please state what you'd do) ...

By the way ... this is a real scenario. It happens fairly regularly, in fact, on the Nanaimo wrecks ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

This is a perfect example of what I mean! I *think* what I'd do is B.. but how long to wait? 10 min til decomp? The usual "look for your buddy for one minute then abort the dive?" Should I bang on my tank and make angry grunts? Because it would probably do neither one of us any good for me to penetrate a wreck never having done so before.