What To Do

[fmw625]

Last Sat. went diving. Wife went along even though she doesn't dive, for health reasons will never dive. On the way home she complained that she gets nothing from me diving. She asked if I could find something WE could do that would be enjoyable fr both of us. Just looking for suggestions of something to do when I'm not diving, and/or something for her to do while I dive. I know that I'm not the only diver that has a non diving wife. What do you do to keep her happy so you don't take so much grief when you dive.

 

[Foo]

I know that I'm not the only diver that has a non diving wife. What do you do to keep her happy so you don't take so much grief when you dive.

Read this thread for some ideas: http://www.scubaboard.com/t60066-take-my-wife--please.html

There have also been lots of other people (men and women alike) who have your problem. Try the Women's issue's forum also. Good luck!
Foo

 

[RICHinNC]

i think the key is picking a place to dive where you can accomplish your goals and at the same time share quality time with you sig other.

It isnt uncommon for couples to have different interests......some say that is what makes them attractive to each other in the first place. I think the key is to not become so fanatical as to "push out" the sig other from ones past time.

Try to find places to go where you can dive, but make a concerted effort to spend above the water time with her and make her feel that she is just as important as your hobby. Bottom line is ....all we all want is to feel loved and wanted. How is that for mush.....but so true.

My last girl friend did not dive at all. But we went to places where she could sun and relax while i dived....and in the evening we could party and dance and enjoy good food. It was other things that made the relationship not work.....our travel was fine.

There is a certain responsibility on her part to understand you have a certain joy...hobby...in your life that makes you happy and she has chosen not to participate ...but it does not mean you should stop. That would be very selfish on her part to expect you to.....as it would be very selfish on your part to expect her to stop what really brings her joy in her life.

And.....just sometimes......it doesnt work out at all and we go our seperate ways. Bummer of an ending huh??? Thats life sometimes.

best of luck....rich

 

[DandyDon]

I avoid marriage, but then - I'm kinda' a self-centered jerk in sheeps rags.

Yeah, put your family before your diving, always. Reserve it for the private time. You need that, too. Seperate the two responsibilities.

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[alcina]

Why does she have to be involved with your diving at all?

I go diving, DH works on his car, hangs out with his buddies, plays Doom3, goes fishing (the fish are totally safe, but he has fun), whatever. It's only a few hours or a day away -not like we need to be joined at the hip every minute.

But we do other things together...perhaps you two can find something to do together some times and each of you can have your own things other times?

Sure, finding a place where you can dive and she can do something else while you are under water is a good option, but it shouldn't be the only one.

She asked if I could find something WE could do that would be enjoyable fr both of us

And, sorry but shouldn't this be if YOU BOTH could work together to find something?

 

[jstuart1]

My husband can't dive for medical reasons. We both have very different interests for our primary hobbies. His is surf fishing and mustangs. Mine are anything computers and reading. I like fishing but from a pier or boat. Not in remote places with no facilities. I will go with him sometimes. So we can spend time together and I get to enjoy watching him do what he loves and share his excitement. I think it increases his pleasure to be able to share his adventure. He goes with me diving sometimes and while I'm under he watches other people gearing up or the classes, checks out the area etc. Then we exchange what we saw.

We have also done several activities together. We both like to learn new things so usually once a year we get into something new together. A few have been pinball machines, piano repair/ reconditioning, archery and surf kayaking. Most of the time he does his thing and I do mine. But we do spend time together at home.

I guess my point after this long reply is that it is good to have separate hobies as it keeps you both from being frustrated. Trust I think is very important here because you have to trust each other when doing things separately. You also have to make time to spend together even if it's just sitting around the house talking. I am a very independant person and could not handle someone smothering me and expecting me to be at thier hip all the time. Treat your mate the way you want to be treated and if a missunderstanding happens explain to them why you acted the way you did so they understand that is how you want to be treated. Also try to see things from thier point of view. Balance is the key I think.

Judy

 

[fmw625]

I'm looking for suggestions of activities we can do together so she won't be so upset when I go dving without her, since I know it is boaring for her while I am underwater.

 

[Mandy3206]

I think you must work that one together, you're only underwater less than an Hour unless you go tech.

It's very selfish of her to push you in this issue, she may have to learn that you both came to this world alone and are leaving it alone.

Excuse me if I understood wrong, but seems to me that she wants you to quit diving 'cause she can't do it.

I agree that you have to share with her, but unless you dive every weekend, all the weekend, this shouldn't be an issue at all.

I'm sure that there must be many activities in which you both share great moments, so why ask you to find another activity, I find this attitude very selfish from her part.

Don't quit diving because of her, if you quit diving, it better be for yourself, or you'll regret it the rest of your life.

I sincerely hope that you resolve the problem with both parties winning, but seems to me that you're in deep trouble.

Good luck and hope she understands your position.