We all have learned lessons the hard way when we start diving, you are a step ahead by adequately analyzing the entire experience. I think that should be your biggest take away from this, continue to do this even if it is minor issues.
As for weighting, you will continue to adjust your weight and trim for a good many dives under different conditions. Gear changes can shift or change weights. Fresh versus salt will change it. You will become more efficient and confident and can typically run lower weight then.
Definitely dont let someone else change your plan. It's easy to try to go with the flow as a new diver and blow it off as "well they are dm and know better" or they have a 1000 dives and know better. They dont know better for you, dont be afraid to be solid in your resolve. They will respect it, and if they dont find someone else to dive with.
This was our biggest takeaway. It's the first time we've experienced it, as it was the first time we approached a dive with our own goals in mind. I won't go so far as to say my respect for DMs had diminished, but my reverance for them has certainly taken a hit
For the bcd issue, always inflate until you feel the squeeze of the jacket after donning and checks but before your stride. I have 40lb lift on mine and I use most of it on entry. This ensures a quick pop to surface and time to check and adjust gear and buddies before decent.
Finally dont let these issues discourage you, instead continue to use these as a learning tool. Experience will give you the comfort and confidence you need.
Ceartainly not discouraged, more "steeled in our resolve to become independant divers".