Spouses make bad buddies?

[devolution365]

A mailing list I'm on is discussing a recent "near miss" involving a woman who was apparently coaxed into diving by her husband despite her tendency to panic underwater. The consensus of some members of this mailing list seems to be that in many cases when spouses dive together, one of the pair is really into diving and the other is either pressured the other to join the sport or they choose to do it "for their spouse".

Now, many of the participants on this list are either instructors or DM's and according to them, they run into this problem alot. What surprised me, though, is that a few of them have said that they have split up husband and wife buddies in order to 'make them better, more independent divers' -or just out of fear that one is too dependant on the other/being pressured, etc. One member in particular seemed to be saying that he does this on a regular basis...

My argument against their position is a bit skewed, I know, because I personally dive with my spouse as my buddy. There was no pressure involved with us, however -I was certified before we met and it was his choice (recently) to get certified after a few snorkeling trips we took together. We both taking diving seriously (but have a lot of fun doing it), and we take full responsibility for being good buddies to each other. In fact, I believe that we dive safer as a pair because we can more easily recognize each other underwater, we know each other’s signals, we know we can freely give each other advice after the dive, etc. Plus, we've made mistakes together in the past and learned from them... I can't imagine being split up on a dive boat and having to dive with a total stranger who may or may not take the sport (and the concept of being a "good buddy") as seriously as I do.

So... My questions:
A.) Do you think that generally spouses make bad buddies?
B.) Have you ever been on a boat and seen spouses split up by the DM to form separate buddy pairs?
C.) Do you think DM's should split up spouses? -what if it's obvious that they're overly dependant on one another?

Just wondering...

 

[El Orans]

A) No
B) No
C) (S)he had better not try to assign my wife to another diver. Depends on other factors.

 

[Slipstrm]

In some cases during OW classes its better to split the pair up, if one is dependent on the other and I sense the possibility of a panic attack or possible problem.
If I have an emergency I dont want another OW student in panic mode because their significant other is in trouble, trying to help and endangering everyone involved.
I would do the same...if possible on any dive, try to pair them with someone that has major experience while still keeping them close to their significant other.

 

[ffestpirate]

My wife is my favorite dive buddy. I dove for 9 years during our marriage because she didn't want to learn. after we went to Grand Caymen and snorkeled, she couldn't wait to get certified. While she was learning, I had to slow down and pay attention to her more than with some dive buddies. But now she has gotten comfortable and I find myself trying to catch up with her. I dive with my wife because that's who I want to dive with. I wouldn't take it sitting down if they tried to seperate us. I've never seen it happen, either. I whole heartedly agree with your argument!
chris

 

[Dave Zimmerly]

I think spouses/significant others make the best dive buddies. You know them better than anyone else...their strengths and weaknesses.

My girlfriend and have been diving since 2002 with 70 dives under our belts (we are www's) and have now have our own hand signals. Plus, our equipment is similiar in brand and configuration. Plus, we use about the same amount of air. And best of all, we trust each other to be there when needed.

If some DM tries to split us up, I would opt to abort the dive. I'm not putting her safety in the hands of some person that I know nothing about, or the level of their dive skills.

For what it's worth.

Dave (aka "Squirt")

 

[Ishie]

So... My questions:
A.) Do you think that generally spouses make bad buddies?
B.) Have you ever been on a boat and seen spouses split up by the DM to form separate buddy pairs?
C.) Do you think DM's should split up spouses? -what if it's obvious that they're overly dependant on one another?

Just wondering...

A. Depends on the spouse/SO. In the common "pressured into diving" scenario, then the spouse/SO shouldn't be diving because they're only doing it to please their mate and are probably uncomfortable in the water. If they both love diving, they'll probably love it even more for sharing experiences together.
B. Nope. Back when I dove with my SO, no one had any problem with us diving together; we even trained together, though I wouldn't recommend one SO directly training the other.
C. Nope. Regular buddies, be they spouses or friends, know each other's diving styles, likely share the same interests (like photography or spearfishing) and are most competent to deal with each other. They know the other's gear configuration and especially if they're close in general, can likely detect subtle signs of "not right" in their partners, that someone else might miss.

If one spouse is diving to please the other, I still can't see separating them, because then you're taking the pressured spouse even farther outside his/her element, and it seems like increasing the chance of problems, plus it's not particularly fair to the person who gets partnered with the "reluctant" buddy.

 

[ajames54]

My wife is my buddy.. and I really think the idea of having a regular buddy is a good one. You get to know each others habbits and their weaknesses. She has been diving longer than I, but had really lousy instruction, so while she is very comfortable in the water an appears to to be absolutely competent she is apt to do the occasional really wrong thing. (Like trying to swim 30+ feet deeper at the very end of a long multi-level dive).

I would not feel comfortable if she was with a buddy I didn't know or trust.. and I wouldn't want her buddy thinking that s/he could take her lead on a dive.

(and yes I have my own issues.. if I have my camera you're pretty much solo diving unless you grab me or my gear)

 

[Humuhumunukunukuapua'a]

A - No.
B - No.
C - No.

In general, people should dive if *they* want to, not just because their spouse wants them to. My wife needed some coaxing to get over her jitters and challenge herself, but it was always something she really wanted to do. She took her time, got more and more comfortable freediving and snorkelling, and when she finally got certified, she was comfortable and took to it like a natural. She genuinely loves it, and it's great that we both have the same goals on vacations now (divedivedivedive ) You really shouldn't pressure someone into diving if they really don't want to.

And I can tell you I am my wife's best dive buddy. NOTHING is more important to me than her getting back out of the water safely.

 

[craborn]

I am an instructor and I asked one of my instructor buddies to teach my wife. First of all we get along great and would not have a problem. BUT I wanted her to have an instructor and I am her partner. We dive together a lot. She is a great INDEPENDENT diver. We love diving together.
Yes, when i have a couple in class I devide them, expecially if i see that one of them is more dominent. Everyone needs to be independent divers then enjoy diving together.

 

[Ishie]

(and yes I have my own issues.. if I have my camera you're pretty much solo diving unless you grab me or my gear)

I've actually been getting much better about that. When I first got my camera, you could be getting dragged off into the deep by a shark and I wouldn't notice.