Satire on a thousand ways to die

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grantctobin

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An OW diver carrying a light anywhere near a Cavern or Cave.
Which has proven to be extraordinarily dangerous given the multitude of fatalities, both OW and OW instructor associated with this practice. Thankfully, most of the public or easily accessible FL caves disallow this practice.
 

couv

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Anyone else remember the BC’s that had a co2 cartridge for emergency accents? That was some scary stuff. This was back in the late 70’s
Yes, but in reality the CO2 cart was meant to be fired at the surface-not for an emergency ascent...or did you mean to be used in a foreign country. :wink:

The main problem was accidental firing of the cart. Other problems included corrosion in the mechanism, and the stem de-bonding from the vest material causing a leak.
 

Joris Vd

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these are just some I picked up from being on the board for some years:

I am now convinced all of the things below will cause instantaneous death, or slow agony followed by death if used, so beware!

-using carabiners or suicide clips
-Bungeed wings
-using reverse doubles
-using a secondary donate setup
-left lean, rich right
-diving below 90 feet on air
-anything related to poseidon regulators (I can't recount how many times gue and other dir-agency instructors have told me my cyklons are upstream and WILL kill me)
-diving without an isolator manifold
-rock boots
-using anything else than jet fins
-Toddy's sidemount system
-UTD's sidemount system with the manifold
-sidemounting heavy steel tanks
-sidemounting anything else than 80cuft aluminium or 12l light steels
-using rubber mask straps
-neoprene drysuits
-using full face masks
-having multiple wing dumps
-having multiple shoulder d-rings
-having a d-ring on your right hip
-using short 12liter steels or twin 7l tanks
-diving with a console (extra dangerous if it has compass AND depth gauge)
-Wearing your dive computer on the left side and the compass on the right.
-Using a gf lo above 40
-Using an RGBM based dive computer
-Suunto products except the compass (instant death assured)
-300 bar tanks
-Carbon tanks
-tank boots
-aluminium spools
-keeping spools and reel connected
-using ratchet reels
-using a conventional reel instead of a sidewinder reel in a cave
-allowing any slack on the line under any circumstance
-wearing a knife around your calf
-having a big knife
-using retractors for your lights or compass
-using a slate instead of wetnotes
-using a soft goodman handle
-not using a goodman handle on your main light (or even a pistol grip if you want to be extra bold).
-Mares regulators (these will cause instant death)
-single cell wing or jacket bladders
-Fenzy's
-Double hose regulators
-Non balanced regulators
-Disrespecting scubapro mk5 regulators (same goes for Atomic, beware, you are threading on sacred grounds)
-


I've always thought of maybe trying to put together an ultimate 'triggering' scuba setup. Just to grind peoples gears.
That would be an interesting exercise to do :) .
 

evandroairton

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these are just some I picked up from being on the board for some years:

I am now convinced all of the things below will cause instantaneous death, or slow agony followed by death if used, so beware!

-using carabiners or suicide clips
-Bungeed wings
-using reverse doubles
-using a secondary donate setup
-left lean, rich right
-diving below 90 feet on air
-anything related to poseidon regulators (I can't recount how many times gue and other dir-agency instructors have told me my cyklons are upstream and WILL kill me)
-diving without an isolator manifold
-rock boots
-using anything else than jet fins
-Toddy's sidemount system
-UTD's sidemount system with the manifold
-sidemounting heavy steel tanks
-sidemounting anything else than 80cuft aluminium or 12l light steels
-using rubber mask straps
-neoprene drysuits
-using full face masks
-having multiple wing dumps
-having multiple shoulder d-rings
-having a d-ring on your right hip
-using short 12liter steels or twin 7l tanks
-diving with a console (extra dangerous if it has compass AND depth gauge)
-Wearing your dive computer on the left side and the compass on the right.
-Using a gf lo above 40
-Using an RGBM based dive computer
-Suunto products except the compass (instant death assured)
-300 bar tanks
-Carbon tanks
-tank boots
-aluminium spools
-keeping spools and reel connected
-using ratchet reels
-using a conventional reel instead of a sidewinder reel in a cave
-allowing any slack on the line under any circumstance
-wearing a knife around your calf
-having a big knife
-using retractors for your lights or compass
-using a slate instead of wetnotes
-using a soft goodman handle
-not using a goodman handle on your main light (or even a pistol grip if you want to be extra bold).
-Mares regulators (these will cause instant death)
-single cell wing or jacket bladders
-Fenzy's
-Double hose regulators
-Non balanced regulators
-Disrespecting scubapro mk5 regulators (same goes for Atomic, beware, you are threading on sacred grounds)
-


I've always thought of maybe trying to put together an ultimate 'triggering' scuba setup. Just to grind peoples gears.
That would be an interesting exercise to do :) .
Good Lord!

It means that i've died a long ago, and the after Life it's like the world i've used to live! (Ok, i agree that there are too many nasty souls around me now)
 

lowflyer

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Anyone else remember the BC’s that had a co2 cartridge for emergency accents? That was some scary stuff. This was back in the late 70’s

I carried CO2 packets clipped to my belt in the late 1950s. I think one is visible at my right side in my avatar.
I had no training at the time except from my father, who had no training. I never deployed one of the cartridges but thought they were to get me to the surface if all else failed:)
 

evandroairton

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Ribeirão Preto - Brazil
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I just don't log dives
I carried CO2 packets clipped to my belt in the late 1950s. I think one is visible at my right side in my avatar.
I had no training at the time except from my father, who had no training. I never deployed one of the cartridges but thought they were to get me to the surface if all else failed:)
I do have an old spanish spearfishing manual, translated to portuguese, where it is said that's advisable using the Nemrod vest (remember, it's a spanish book), with CO2 packet for safety ascend!
 

couv

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I do have an old spanish spearfishing manual, translated to portuguese, where it is said that's advisable using the Nemrod vest (remember, it's a spanish book), with CO2 packet for safety ascend!
OK, well I stand corrected. I was taught (and told my students) the cart was for emergency surface flotation.
 

evandroairton

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Location
Ribeirão Preto - Brazil
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I just don't log dives
OK, well I stand corrected. I was taught (and told my students) the cart was for emergency surface flotation.
I guess you are right! I've forgot to mention that the book talks about freediving spearfishing, and it was written on the 1970's
 

Fibonacci

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They still had those in the early 80's, I learned to dive with one. The shop would leave a used CO2 cartridge in the mechanism so that students wouldn't activate it and rocket to the surface!
Me too, couldn't afford the Fenzy vest that all the cool instructors had :D
The other failure mode was when diving out of a Zodiac inflatable, finning hard and struggling up the side to get aboard... lanyard gets caught in the handles... POP... off goes the CO2 cartridge!
 

Zef

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these are just some I picked up from being on the board for some years:

I am now convinced all of the things below will cause instantaneous death, or slow agony followed by death if used, so beware!

-using carabiners or suicide clips
-Bungeed wings
-using reverse doubles
-using a secondary donate setup
-left lean, rich right
-diving below 90 feet on air
-anything related to poseidon regulators (I can't recount how many times gue and other dir-agency instructors have told me my cyklons are upstream and WILL kill me)
-diving without an isolator manifold
-rock boots
-using anything else than jet fins
-Toddy's sidemount system
-UTD's sidemount system with the manifold
-sidemounting heavy steel tanks
-sidemounting anything else than 80cuft aluminium or 12l light steels
-using rubber mask straps
-neoprene drysuits
-using full face masks
-having multiple wing dumps
-having multiple shoulder d-rings
-having a d-ring on your right hip
-using short 12liter steels or twin 7l tanks
-diving with a console (extra dangerous if it has compass AND depth gauge)
-Wearing your dive computer on the left side and the compass on the right.
-Using a gf lo above 40
-Using an RGBM based dive computer
-Suunto products except the compass (instant death assured)
-300 bar tanks
-Carbon tanks
-tank boots
-aluminium spools
-keeping spools and reel connected
-using ratchet reels
-using a conventional reel instead of a sidewinder reel in a cave
-allowing any slack on the line under any circumstance
-wearing a knife around your calf
-having a big knife
-using retractors for your lights or compass
-using a slate instead of wetnotes
-using a soft goodman handle
-not using a goodman handle on your main light (or even a pistol grip if you want to be extra bold).
-Mares regulators (these will cause instant death)
-single cell wing or jacket bladders
-Fenzy's
-Double hose regulators
-Non balanced regulators
-Disrespecting scubapro mk5 regulators (same goes for Atomic, beware, you are threading on sacred grounds)
-


I've always thought of maybe trying to put together an ultimate 'triggering' scuba setup. Just to grind peoples gears.
That would be an interesting exercise to do :) .
What's the scoop on Mares regs and instant death?

-Z
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/peregrine/

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