Right On or Rude?

[Iruka]

It's not that difficult to offer suggestions without being rude to people. I had a diver last week who asked for about 8kg/16lbs of weight. Looking at her & her wetsuit, I said that she'd probably be okay with 6 or 8lbs....but let's start with 10lbs, and I'll carry another 6 with me, which I could give to her if needed. If she was too heavy even WITH the 10lbs, we could leave some weight at the bottom by the mooring, and pick it up when we came back. Rather than say she was WRONG, I gave her/us an option where we could adjust her weighting during the dive. Turns out 3kg/6lbs was just right for her.

With a lot of experience, hopefully a good guide will be able to provide suggestions when needed....but there are some who come across as "I'm the diving god, and all you mortals better listen to me, or you'll end up dead." Most customers will nod their head politely, but the advice being dispensed in "lecture mood" isn't always the best way to go about it. More than once, when on the same boat with a particular guide, my customers, evesdropping on one of his lectures will say "boy, I'm glad he's not MY guide."

Anyhow, the customers are (directly or indirectly) paying the guide, so he/she should keep that in mind. As someone earlier said, politeness & political correctness are not the same thing, and it doesn't cost any extra to be nice to people.

 

[TheRedHead]

The DM did suggest using less weight, but the diver insisted on 22 lbs with a steel 120 and a 3mm suit! His small friend/girlfriend/spouse wanted 12 with a 100. Even some of the customers tried to talk to them about it.

 

[Storm]

A few select friends and I occassionally exchange 'minor' corrective actions on the course, but we still start with 'dude, can I give you a clue?'...Some times the answer is 'no'...and you had better respect that response.

If you're a rank beginner, you probably don't have an established swing procedure and if some scratch player throws you a freebie, it probably won't negatively affect your game and you can benefit from the advice. Not a typical scenario, tho.

The point is, some basic etiquette applies both on a golf course and on a dive boat. (Read my previous post about the DM that I could have spent hours correcting her inferior skills, but chose not to voice concerns because she didn't come to me for constructive criticisms.)

Again, my contention is that someone on a boat that starts a skills clinic before making even a token attempt at determining if the person is receptive to instruction is committing an act of insensitivity.

While I don't count myself a rank beginner, I generaly play in the mid nineties, what I was trying to convey is that when someone with an obviously much greater skill in any endeaver I am trying, tries to help, whether preluded by an offer or just jumps in, if their motives are to help me, and they are backed up with expertise and a genuine desire to help, than I gladly accept their help. If I was the diver getting the advice, and this is just a personal view, I would not take things like this personally, and as it would be obvious to everyone else on the boat that I was having gas consumption problems, I would accept the unsolicited help with appreciation.

As someone who is still learning the basics, I find myself not wanting to impose on the more expereinced divers I dive with, and when someone jumps up to help, I don't feel embarrased, I feel relieved. In any case, it's a personal thing... someone else may feel embarassed and bitter...that's just not in me personally. So for me, the answer to the OPs question Right, for some one else it could very well be Rude.

Cheers!

 

[RadRob]

of wanting or needing help. It's the timing and situation...if you're in the middle of a round, and some well-meaning type offers an unsolicited piece of advice, it can get in your head and ruin the tempo and swing thoughts you've established.

The people I play with consider it extremely poor form to offer any 'coaching' to a player (especially a stranger) who hasn't specifically requested your input. The KEY to this whole issue is asking for help...if you're not approached for advice, keep your handy tips to yourself.

I'll volunteer to follow you around some day, providing a critique after each shot and we'll see how helpful you find it to be...

Well, for the record, I am usually in the mid-80's, and if you can find ways for me to improve, I welcome it anytime. I used to hit in the 90's until I had someone give me pointers (this golfer was actually worse on the score card than I was, but some people teach better than they can actually perform themselves... again, NFL coaches, MLB coaches). The same goes for scuba. I have been diving for 10 years but if you can see ways for me to conserve air, or a better kick, or better buoyancy, then I am all for it.

If I were the divemaster on this boat and there were 2 guys causing inconvenience to the 8 or 10 others (maybe more) I would feel that it was my responsibility to remedy the problem. My delivery may be a little different, but the gist would be the same. I think the issue (if it is an issue at all) should be the delivery, not the advice itself.