Resolving Differences with Dive Buddy/BF

[elenec]

I’m not sure is this is the best place to post this thread but it is a dive buddy/relationship situation but here goes….

My boyfriend and I have recently been completed our OW course. And of course it follows that we are dive buddies. We’ve been on a couple of dives together now since our certification and there are some issues that we are having difficulties working through. He has completely fallen in love with diving and but I have yet to get over some of anxiety of the experience. I have not adjusted to the underwater experience yet like learning to breathe properly and comfortably with my regulator and controlling my movements underwater and with just the general hazards of diving improperly since we are new divers. I am not as physically fit as my boyfriend so I have not adjusted to the physical demands of diving yet as well as he has. Plus I have motion sickness in the water. I know that there is a learning curve with diving but the problem arises since his is much faster than mine. And we also have different interest in diving. I’m much more a passive diver and like to stay in shallow waters where as he is much more adventurous as I. So he does dive more than I do with some other friends who are more in tune with his diving interest. So with all that said I am feeling pressure from him to step up the pace faster than I am comfortable with but yet I don’t want him to be bored, frustrated, and impatient with me when we going diving together. We have talked about it but I wanted some outside advice from anyone who may have been through the same situation. I mean do we need different dive buddies or is this normal at all. Please let me know what you think. Thank you.

 

[BabyDuck]

I mean do we need different dive buddies or is this normal at all.

yes and yes. kinda like when two runners are together (and have to run together on one's fast day and the other's easy day to be at the same pace), you need to consider diving together on days you're feeling a bit more adventurous (while still within your personal comfort zone) and he's feeling mellow. then maybe you'll be able to come up with a satisfying dive plan for both of you. on other days, you find someone else to do the dives you enjoy with and let him go on the ones he enjoys. growing in the sport is good, but be careful not to let him bully you into being uncomfy. everything is a balance...

 

[Shasta_man]

You've done the first thing right: know your limitations. Underwater is not a place to be pushing them.

Your issues with comfort underwater are perfectly natural and there is no problem. You can't live your life by someone else's standards because it's your body that will take the consequences. Your description indicates that you recognize this, but there's pressure to ignore it. It also sounds like he's pushing the limits for the thrill which isn't how you should approach diving. The goal is to enjoy what you're getting to see while keeping yourself safe and living to dive another day.

First suggestion is that you need more time to acclimate to diving. The best place to get comfortable ain't in the beautiful cold Pacific with lots of kelp. You've dove there and know what to do and it makes other places easy, but what you need is warm water. Then the conditions are much milder, you're much more comfortable not fighting the cold, there's no kelp, you're not carrying 80 pounds of gear, you see awesome stuff which was the reason why you started diving. Go to Mexico for a week and dive daily. Get used to your gear. Get to know it so you can trust it. Work on your breathing. Take your time and enjoy the dive. Then you're comfortable. Mexico would be the cheapest, but you can go from there to any other warm water. Check here for a reputable place. Or you can go out into the Pacific. Tahiti, Fiji, Palau. Palau is fantastic for beautiful scenery, awesome liveaboards, and mostly easy diving. Liveaboard is $2K a week and $1200 for a flight there.

Then you come back and dive local and you're feeling much more comfortable with lower viz and cold water.

I’m not sure is this is the best place to post this thread but it is a dive buddy/relationship situation but here goes….

My boyfriend and I have recently been completed our OW course. And of course it follows that we are dive buddies. We’ve been on a couple of dives together now since our certification and there are some issues that we are having difficulties working through. He has completely fallen in love with diving and but I have yet to get over some of anxiety of the experience. I have not adjusted to the underwater experience yet like learning to breathe properly and comfortably with my regulator and controlling my movements underwater and with just the general hazards of diving improperly since we are new divers. I am not as physically fit as my boyfriend so I have not adjusted to the physical demands of diving yet as well as he has. Plus I have motion sickness in the water. I know that there is a learning curve with diving but the problem arises since his is much faster than mine. And we also have different interest in diving. I’m much more a passive diver and like to stay in shallow waters where as he is much more adventurous as I. So he does dive more than I do with some other friends who are more in tune with his diving interest. So with all that said I am feeling pressure from him to step up the pace faster than I am comfortable with but yet I don’t want him to be bored, frustrated, and impatient with me when we going diving together. We have talked about it but I wanted some outside advice from anyone who may have been through the same situation. I mean do we need different dive buddies or is this normal at all. Please let me know what you think. Thank you.

 

[msedivingdoc]

Well my girlfriend and I are in your same shoes. She has the worst time equalizing and i could do a head down descent to 110ft without hardly stopping. What I've learned from her is that, if I dive with her, as long as I stay within her comfort area we will both have a great dive. If i push her then we both have the fun time of becoming frustrated. I also dive more frequently, but we are both now AOW/ nitrox. When she stepped up and passed that class it reallly instilled a since of pride in her(me too). Also try natural ginger caps for the nausea. It works!!

 

[Taxgeek]

First suggestion is that you need more time to acclimate to diving. The best place to get comfortable ain't in the beautiful cold Pacific with lots of kelp. You've dove there and know what to do and it makes other places easy, but what you need is warm water. Then the conditions are much milder, you're much more comfortable not fighting the cold, there's no kelp, you're not carrying 80 pounds of gear, you see awesome stuff which was the reason why you started diving. Go to Mexico for a week and dive daily. Get used to your gear. Get to know it so you can trust it. Work on your breathing. Take your time and enjoy the dive. Then you're comfortable. . . . Then you come back and dive local and you're feeling much more comfortable with lower viz and cold water.

I second this. This is exactly what I did. Got certified here in SoCal . . . in March . . . brrrrrrr. Then I went to Club Med Turks & Caicos for a week to have some nice, easy, well supervised diving. The easy diving in warm water, with a club that was a complete nazi about safety, made me feel safe and gave me a low stress bunch of dives to just get comfortable with the whole thing. I recommend this route highly.

Leave your man home, and just go and get comfortable somewhere with easy conditions that suits your budget and preferences. You'll be surprised how much easier it feels to dive CA once the general scuba experience is second nature.

Oh, and this is supposed to be fun!
Taxgeek

 

[Cold_H2O]

Never allow anyone to push you beyond your dive comfort zone. I agree with all the above advice. You have to move forward at your own pace not your boyfriends.
Find dive buddies that enjoy diving at your own pace. Dive together when he is willing to dive at your speed and comfort zone.
I dive in the cold waters of Puget Sound. A lot of divers have trouble getting comfortable when the conditions are not tropical. Join a local dive club, it is easy to find someone who loves to dive at your speed. Don't just look for new divers. Some of us more experienced divers really do love to dive with newbies. I know for me, it allows me time to relax and rediscover how I felt when I was a newly certified diver.

 

[kelpmermaid]

Elenec, I must say that your post brings back memories. I must admit that when we started out, my bf was way more excited about it than I was. It did inspire me to build up some muscle and get into better shape at the gym, and a warm water trip also increased my interest/comfort level. The best thing you can do to increase your comfort level is to keep diving IMHO.

 

[alibee]

Heh, this is funny. My fiance has done over 50 dives, and I just started this summer with OW and AOW, which I took because he wanted to possibly dive for our honeymoon and we wanted to see if I'd like the sport. Happily, I really enjoy it, but I've found that diving with a significant other instantly introduces some weird power issues you wouldn't find if you were diving with someone you had a less intimate relationship with. I've learned (through talking to others) that SO couples have a much greater tendency for the more experienced diver to boss the less experienced diver around -- sort of in a "teaching" way that can easily be taken by the partner in a less-than-helpful way.

Okay, to put it in layman's terms, he has a tendency to tell me what to do, which chaffs me and makes me snippy and they we turn into a pair of hamsters that are doing the little dominance-fight thing. I think that buddies who don't really know each other well take great pains to make sure they don't push the other person's buttons, and treat each other in a more cautious and respectful manner. I also think that this is another coupley thing that we'll learn more about the more we dive together, and we'll learn each other's limits (physically, mentally, and instructionally ) as we go. Then we'll have more rewarding diving experiences together.

Ah, love!

 

[partridge]

Elenec, my wife and I are in the same boat. I am an instructor and she is an OW diver. I have about 200 dives this year. She has 16. No problem. When she dives with me, we follow her plan. Simple.

My advice is to let him do all the commando stuff he wants and when he is ready for a simple, lazy, satisfying dive to let you know and you can join him. If you want to dive as often as he does just have another buddy.

 

[DrSteve]

Elenec - I was in the same situation. I'll dive in a puddle, but Karen won't. She was a little unsure about her diving skills and abilities (she was and is a great diver, but what does praise from me count for? We had plenty of arguments during her OW and even AOW course). After the first dive in Cozumel, we went from 3 days of diving to 6. She's now a Master Diver with 85 (?) dives under her belt. She was always good, but now she is better because she is confident.

Having said all of that. She doesn't come with me on the 3h each way boat trips to dive for 20 minutes at 100+ feet and she's not so fond of cold conditions. In all honesty I don't like those so much either, I'd rather be at 60 feet and spend some time down there. You can still be buddies and not dive together all the time. Just recognise each other's limits. Oh and he will try and encourage you to try new things, like diving commando style with his other buddies, it's just a guy thing and he wants to share his love of the underwater world with you.