Pony Bottle Regulations Gleaned from Scubaboard

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A) You don't need a pony bottle because proper planning and procedures prevents gas supply failures.

B) If you do have a pony bottle (which you won't need according to "A") you're not allowed to use the gas in it as part of your dive plan.

C) "B" does not apply if your pony bottle happens to be hanging at your side in a sidemount rig or somehow got manifolded to another bottle on your back. In that case it's OK to carry and use the gas.

D) If, however, you do lose your gas and try to use the pony, the confusion over using a different tank and reg will kill you unless......it's a sidemount or twinset in which case you're OK with the changeover.

E) Mechanical failures do not occur and should not be considered. ("E" does not apply if you can remember why cars used to include toolkits, Apollo 13, or have ever owned a Triumph.

F) To maintain the proper mindset you should NEVER use a seat belt in your car or a helmet on a bike because, just like a pony bottle, such aids will cause complacency and risk taking behavior. If you have ever used such devices please sign up for skydiving lessons but DO NOT attach a reserve chute. This will restore the proper attitude. Instead, you should have your buddy carry your reserve chute and he will pass it to you if required and if he remained within "passing" distance. If skydiving at night the correct distance should be maintained by sharing the same coveralls.

Oh, and if your pony bottle happens to be really small, carrying that small amount of gas that you're not allowed to use (see "A" and "B") will certainly kill you because such tiny devices are an offense to nature and will tempt you to skip filling that pesky big tank for "just one more dive".
 
A) You don't need a pony bottle because proper planning and procedures prevents gas supply failures.

B) If you do have a pony bottle (which you won't need according to "A") you're not allowed to use the gas in it as part of your dive plan.

C) "B" does not apply if your pony bottle happens to be hanging at your side in a sidemount rig or somehow got manifolded to another bottle on your back. In that case it's OK to carry and use the gas.

D) If, however, you do lose your gas and try to use the pony, the confusion over using a different tank and reg will kill you unless......it's a sidemount or twinset in which case you're OK with the changeover.

E) Mechanical failures do not occur and should not be considered. ("E" does not apply if you can remember why cars used to include toolkits, Apollo 13, or have ever owned a Triumph.

F) To maintain the proper mindset you should NEVER use a seat belt in your car or a helmet on a bike because, just like a pony bottle, such aids will cause complacency and risk taking behavior. If you have ever used such devices please sign up for skydiving lessons but DO NOT attach a reserve chute. This will restore the proper attitude. Instead, you should have your buddy carry your reserve chute and he will pass it to you if required and if he remained within "passing" distance. If skydiving at night the correct distance should be maintained by sharing the same coveralls.

Oh, and if your pony bottle happens to be really small, carrying that small amount of gas that you're not allowed to use (see "A" and "B") will certainly kill you because such tiny devices are an offense to nature and will tempt you to skip filling that pesky big tank for "just one more dive".


You forgot G..

G: Any pony bottle smaller than 40 cu-ft is way too small for recreational diving and will kill you. To select anything smaller just proves you are an idiot because all "Good divers" know that a CESA with a constant exhalation is all that is necessary to make the ascent from all recreational depths.
 
You forgot G..

G: Any pony bottle smaller than 40 cu-ft is way too small for recreational diving and will kill you. To select anything smaller just proves you are an idiot because all "Good divers" know that a CESA with a constant exhalation is all that is necessary to make the ascent from all recreational depths.

I meant to include that but I had to pause for a breath...
 
I am printing this. Great post. (It is all true though, some people just don't like redundant safety).
 
OK ... this has to join the "Best post ever on Scubaboard club"! :rofl3::rofl3::rofl3:
 
Freakin' hilarious!!! definitely going up on the fridge.
 
Fact is often more funny than fiction. Good job!
 

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