Former FLL Now MSP Diver
Contributor
Prime Minister Martin today announced that the federal government will take
over the National Hockey League and run it as a "sacred trust, *just like
health care." The announcement came as pressure mounted for the government to do something to end the current NHL shutdown.
"No Canadian should be deprived of NHL hockey during hockey season," Martin
said. "We will take over the NHL and run it in the public interest, just
like we run the government of Canada." In an hour-long news conference, the
prime minister outlined reforms to the national game that his government
will present to an emergency session of Parliament next week.*"To protect
the NHL from further Americanization, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman will be
fired and replaced immediately by Governor-General *Adrienne Clarkson,"
Martin said.
Asked whether the Governor-General knew anything about hockey, Martin
replied "not much," but that Clarkson and 200 of her closest friends would
be leaving immediately on a fact-finding tour to investigate hockey-government relations in Hawaii, Fiji and Monaco.
To address long standing concerns about escalating violence in hockey,
Martin said the government will increase the number of linesmen and
referees to 12 per game, one official for each player on the ice. In
addition, Canada's gun registry legislation will be amended to require all
hockey sticks to be registered.
Once nationalized, all NHL teams will be subject to federal government
guidelines for gender equality, affirmative action, and non-discrimination
in hiring.
"Inability to skate, shoot, or pass," Martin said, "will no longer be a
sufficient reason for denying any Canadian an opportunity to play in the
NHL."
Martin added that in future all NHL teams will also be required to abolish
the position of "right wing" from their rosters.
Asked why, Martin said it was necessary to increase support for hockey
among union members, and to secure NDP backing for the NHL nationalization
bill in Parliament.
The PM affirmed that "the great Canadian principle of equalization will be
fully applied to our national game."
"The current distribution of NHL teams in Canada is unacceptable to this
government," he said. "It violates the principle of regional equality for
Alberta and Ontario to have two NHL teams each while some provinces have
none. Commencing next season, the Toronto Maple Leafs will be moved to
Fredericton and the Edmonton Oilers to Charlottetown."
Martin declared the seating arrangements at NHL hockey rinks "unacceptable"
as well. "We do not accept two-tier medicine in this country and we cannot
accept multi-tier seating at hockey arenas. It's un-Canadian."
Martin explained that former public works minister Alfonso Gagliano will be
put in charge of a program to flatten the seating arrangements in all NHL
arenas.
Asked how spectators in the back rows would be able to see the game, Martin
said the government is devising a plan for rotating spectators from back
seats to front seats between periods.
"It is our intention, in the interests of fairness, to ensure that any
inability to see the game is fully equalized among all spectators, Martin
said. "It's the Canadian way."
In recognition of the principle of "asymmetric federalism," and to secure
the support of the Bloc Quebecois for the nationalization measure, Martin
also confirmed that the Montreal Canadians will be exempted from the
proposed reforms.
Finally, to pay for the nationalization program, the government's next
budget will include a Fan Tax, an Ice Tax, a Puck Tax, a Stick Registration
Fee and a new 115-per-cent income tax bracket for any hockey player making
more money than the PM.
over the National Hockey League and run it as a "sacred trust, *just like
health care." The announcement came as pressure mounted for the government to do something to end the current NHL shutdown.
"No Canadian should be deprived of NHL hockey during hockey season," Martin
said. "We will take over the NHL and run it in the public interest, just
like we run the government of Canada." In an hour-long news conference, the
prime minister outlined reforms to the national game that his government
will present to an emergency session of Parliament next week.*"To protect
the NHL from further Americanization, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman will be
fired and replaced immediately by Governor-General *Adrienne Clarkson,"
Martin said.
Asked whether the Governor-General knew anything about hockey, Martin
replied "not much," but that Clarkson and 200 of her closest friends would
be leaving immediately on a fact-finding tour to investigate hockey-government relations in Hawaii, Fiji and Monaco.
To address long standing concerns about escalating violence in hockey,
Martin said the government will increase the number of linesmen and
referees to 12 per game, one official for each player on the ice. In
addition, Canada's gun registry legislation will be amended to require all
hockey sticks to be registered.
Once nationalized, all NHL teams will be subject to federal government
guidelines for gender equality, affirmative action, and non-discrimination
in hiring.
"Inability to skate, shoot, or pass," Martin said, "will no longer be a
sufficient reason for denying any Canadian an opportunity to play in the
NHL."
Martin added that in future all NHL teams will also be required to abolish
the position of "right wing" from their rosters.
Asked why, Martin said it was necessary to increase support for hockey
among union members, and to secure NDP backing for the NHL nationalization
bill in Parliament.
The PM affirmed that "the great Canadian principle of equalization will be
fully applied to our national game."
"The current distribution of NHL teams in Canada is unacceptable to this
government," he said. "It violates the principle of regional equality for
Alberta and Ontario to have two NHL teams each while some provinces have
none. Commencing next season, the Toronto Maple Leafs will be moved to
Fredericton and the Edmonton Oilers to Charlottetown."
Martin declared the seating arrangements at NHL hockey rinks "unacceptable"
as well. "We do not accept two-tier medicine in this country and we cannot
accept multi-tier seating at hockey arenas. It's un-Canadian."
Martin explained that former public works minister Alfonso Gagliano will be
put in charge of a program to flatten the seating arrangements in all NHL
arenas.
Asked how spectators in the back rows would be able to see the game, Martin
said the government is devising a plan for rotating spectators from back
seats to front seats between periods.
"It is our intention, in the interests of fairness, to ensure that any
inability to see the game is fully equalized among all spectators, Martin
said. "It's the Canadian way."
In recognition of the principle of "asymmetric federalism," and to secure
the support of the Bloc Quebecois for the nationalization measure, Martin
also confirmed that the Montreal Canadians will be exempted from the
proposed reforms.
Finally, to pay for the nationalization program, the government's next
budget will include a Fan Tax, an Ice Tax, a Puck Tax, a Stick Registration
Fee and a new 115-per-cent income tax bracket for any hockey player making
more money than the PM.
I'm so ready to watch re-runs, anything.... bahhh
