CathyI8205
Contributor
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his
head out the window!
Steve Bluestone
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started
walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today
and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I
grew hair under my arms instead.
Sue Kolinsky
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Carol Leifer
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want,
but you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By
the second day you're off it.
Jackie Gleason
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some
fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some
fries with that?"
Jay Leno
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence
long enough to get money from it.
Stephen Leacock
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
could not be caught dead in otherwise.
Roger Simon
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of
ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Pearl Williams
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.
Dave Edison
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by
candlelight.
George Gobel
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a
hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
Billiam Coronel
mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his
head out the window!
Steve Bluestone
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started
walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today
and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I
grew hair under my arms instead.
Sue Kolinsky
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Carol Leifer
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want,
but you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By
the second day you're off it.
Jackie Gleason
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some
fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some
fries with that?"
Jay Leno
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence
long enough to get money from it.
Stephen Leacock
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
could not be caught dead in otherwise.
Roger Simon
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of
ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Pearl Williams
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.
Dave Edison
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by
candlelight.
George Gobel
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a
hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
Billiam Coronel
