Not sure about trusting my buddy...

[krawlings]

What I am reading from your post is that your BF has little respect for yor needs and YOUR SAFTY . I would give him. A choice.(Respact your wishes as to diving and evary day life or find a new GF/dive buddy ) You desurve to in joy your dives foind a new buddy to dive with until your BF learns he don't know it all. I don't think you will find a single veteran diver that will not need to keep learning
Good luck dive safe. KEN

 

[TSandM]

Redstilettos, I feel your pain.

My husband got certified in the 60's, dove for a while, and then didn't dive again until he recertified with me. Immediately after our class, we began having problems diving together -- problems very similar to what you describe. I was frantic when I couldn't see him, and he felt my need to keep him where I could was trammeling his freedom. After a short time, I simply drew a line in the sand and told him we could go to the dive sites together, but we were diving with different people. I found a group of divers who shared my priorities and began diving with them, instead.

Eventually, my husband did enough diving with some of my new friends to begin to adopt some of their habits, and he did finally take some classes. To this day, he's not as rigorous about some things as I would like, but we can dive together without being at each other's throats at the end of it now.

Stand your ground. You have a right to do your diving in a manner which makes you feel comfortable and safe. He has a right to do his diving any way he wants. But he does not have a right to make you join him.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Find a new dive buddy ... this one's not taking your comfort level seriously enough, and sooner or later that's going to get one or both of you in trouble.

Diving skills will improve with experience. Attitude is a different sort of animal ... experience often makes it worse in the diver who is prone to taking the dive too casually.

If your BF isn't willing to recognize that his casual approach to diving is creating stress in the buddy team, you shouldn't be diving with him ... stress is not your friend underwater, and is the leading ultimate cause of diving accidents, because it takes your mind off what you're doing. Besides, stressing during a dive isn't fun ... and if you're not having fun, what's the point of going diving?

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[knowone]

I am of your young vintage and have met many with the benefit of years with less wisdom than those with far less and I like red shoes.

I was going to suggest a new boyfriend, thank god you use that term and not partner which should be reserved for business or homosexuals, that you find a new boy friend.

However because you have suggested that you are going to show the person you have been diving with these writings, I am pleased for your hope and perseverance but would still suggest finding another Boy friend.

 

[LeadTurn_SD]

Find a new dive buddy ... this one's not taking your comfort level seriously enough, and sooner or later that's going to get one or both of you in trouble...... Bob (Grateful Diver)

1+

It sounds like the problem was pointed out to the BF more than once.

If that is the case, is not a skills or awareness issue (which would likely improve greatly with experience), it is an attitude issue, which may be far more difficult to change.

Hopefully the BF can mend his ways, if not.... dive with a different buddy.

Best wishes.

 

[Leejnd]

I have to agree with those who feel that it's unlikely he'll improve over time, as the problem is more his attitude than his skills. However, I do think it's possible that he could become a better buddy, but only if he is willing to accept that right now he's NOT! (If my buddy pulled any one of those tricks on me, that's the LAST time I'd go in the water with him - no matter WHO he was!)

He clearly does not comprehend the concept of buddy diving: that you are each other's alternate air source, and if you are not close enough to reach each other with a couple of fin kicks, then you are not really buddying...you are solo diving in the same ocean.

I had an instructor say something to me once that I've never forgotten: if something goes wrong at depth, you have the amount of time it takes to hold one breath to get it resolved before...YOU DIE! If you can't reach your buddy in the amount of time it takes to hold one breath, then he is not an alternate air source. You might want to tell him that, and see what he says. Also, ask him, how would he feel if you had a problem at depth and he couldn't get to you in time to help you, because he was too far ahead, or too absorbed in his own dive to even notice you were having a problem? Maybe that will help him to see the ramifications of his behavior.

I hope he reads this thread. Something else you might want to consider would be looking into GUE Fundamentals...IF you're interested in expanding your dive skills and knowledge. I've not done that course, but my understanding is that they REALLY focus on buddy skills. Taking that course together could save your relationship - and your ability to dive together.

 

[D_B]

Redstilettos .... all the advice given to you in this thread is reasonable, direct and spot on
Your safety (and your dive buddy's safety) and your comfort , depend on what he does next and if he does not listen honestly to your fears and concerns, does not change his behavior, than you and he should not be dive buddies
(I will say, that I think the people saying you should find a new BF might be bit too much)

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time out to assure me that my concerns are not merely because I am newer to the sport. I am going to show him this thread, and if he still wants to talk about diving, then this will give him a launching pad to start anew from.

Jim, You sound like the kind of guy I would love to learn my dive skills from. Such a shame we are so far apart. But I will admit to always wanting to visit your fine state. Perhaps a weekend class or something could be arranged!

Wear the stillettos to class and I'll charge half price for the course! Yes I am a bit of a pig but still a nice guy. And a good, safe, instructor in all seriousness. I'm also a widower so if I fall madly in love with you just roll with it.:cool2:

 

[KozMcCharlie]

When I was in my early 20s I took a GF skiing and wanted to show off. I took her to the edge of a crazy steep double diamond run with huge moguls... When I dropped off, she took off and I saw her leaving on a bus as they loaded me into an ambulance with my leg immobilized and my neck in a brace.

Sadly, I see parallels to my story in your future...

 

[jh_MacLeod]

Sadly, I see parallels to my story in your future...

Because I mainly dive in tropical regions I see a lot of couples on vacation. It has become quite obvious to me that most couples carry the dynamics of their relationships down with them. I occasionally see a couple who make a great diving team, but it is more common that I see couples that really shouldn't be diving buddies. There is a reason that doctors don't treat family members; emotional issues and relationships affect technical judgment.

Last month I was on a small boat dive; just a couple, the DM, and me. According to their log books the couple both had over 80 dives, mainly in the Mediterranean. I was partnered with the DM, and the plan was drop down to @20 meters, drift/circle the reef, and return to the boat. No sooner had we reached depth, than the woman started having trouble with her mask (they had their own equipment). She struggled to clear it for a while and her husband didn't even seem to notice. She was on the verge of panic, so the DM and I got closer in case she needed assistence. She did, and after the DM calmed her down, she was able to regain her composure. The whole time this was happening, the husband never got closer than 5 meters. The DM called him over, signaled for him to stay close to her, and we began the dive. About 10 minutes later, she seemed to start having breathing problems. Her husband again saw what was happening but made no effort to close the gap or be ready to assist. He just continued to play with his new, little camera. Again, as the woman was showing signs of agitation and fear, the DM had to intervene to get her calmed down. He then signaled for me to partner with the husband and he stayed to the woman for the rest of the dive (which he also cut short as soon as we got back near enough to the boat). After surfacing, the woman was so stressed she ended up skipping the 2nd dive they had planned that day; and although the husband and some other guys went out again that afternoon, I found another boat and group to join :-^).