Need Advice-Arguing Over Diving – Sorry so long

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Do you belong to a dive club? My G/F and I have different diving appetites. I like to dive often and anywhere, she less frequently and preferably warm. When she's not up for it I dive with a friend or two. Sometimes she goes for a boat ride sometimes not.

She always knows that she's welcome to join, but never has to. The point of this is that the dive club gives me more buddies and it gives her more friends to hang with while I'm diving.
 
There's nothing wrong with being a "fair weather" diver. I did my time on cattle boats in rough weather, carried my gear through the woods to the springs in full wetsuit in 95 degree weather, did the deep diving specialty, did my Rescue cert, etc...

Guess I've gone soft - but now I dive for enjoyment - not challenge!! You dive the dives you feel physically, mentally and emotionally "up" for. It's not a bad idea to take on a challenge every now and then - for the experience, but don't push yourself into doing a dive just because you feel you "should".

I agree that your hubby sounds obsessed rather than focused. I generally think of focus as being associated with attaining goals. So, your encouraging him to get advanced dive training is a good idea. That turns obsession into focus, shows that you support his love of diving, and something productive comes at the end of it - advanced certification, and the opportunity to train new divers. (sounds like he was a pretty good teacher for you...) Also, persuing advanced certs will put him in contact with lots of other divers in a more structured, rather than "social" situation - which may help him overcome his shyness, and find alternative buddies.

My husband and I met diving, and before we got married did several dive trips together. Living in Florida, I thought we'd do a LOT of diving after we got married - but he's also into golf - and diving took a back seat to that for the first few years (I started golfing too - but I'm not a nut for it like he is). I also went back to school for an advanced degree (life gets in the way of life sometimes). After I graduated, we started doing live-aboard dive trips in the May time frame the past couple of years, and that usually sets us up for a lot of diving activity over the summer and into the fall. (too hot to play golf for me!) The rest of the year is golf. I'd like to continue advancing my certs, too. But I also enjoy doing other things like playing golf - or biking - and even going to school. Turns out to be a nice balance.

Over time, you guys will find a way to work it out - you haven't been married very long. Relax. Give it time.
 
but I know a good lawyer! :-)

Seriously, if reading him your post doesn't do it, suggest counseling. You have got to get communication opened up.

Re: your safety concerns over instructor accidents, etc. Scuba is a "risk" sport. If you want to engage in it safely then you need to be willing to abort the dive any time you think you are beyond your ability. If you want to do something that is beyond your current ability, then get more training to increase your skills, but always be honest with yourself and be willing to walk away from something you don't feel comfortable doing.

I am a recreational diver. I enjoy diving, but my skills are quite modest. I have aborted dives in the past where other divers were comfortable. I am sure I will abort dives in the future.

The biggest risk in a risk sport is ego. Leave the ego on shore and your diving will be safe. You are the only person who can determine what you are comfortable with. Don't ever let someone cajole you into diving when your gut is telling you "no".
 
Well, I think things have gotten much better. We had a big discussion about these issues.
I dive when I want to and if I don't, he is finding other ways to dive. He has been doing some ocean diving that is too tough for me and we are talking honestly about it.
I went 2 weekends ago to the quarry and had a marvelous time diving 2 dives. My middle ear bothered me a little but no reoccurences of the pain. I took it easy. I was not up to a NC diving trip, and he went with some other people.
I think we might have found a balance.

Diana
 
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