Military Humor

[Squalus]

Military Wisdom

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." -Gen.
MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me." -U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." -U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection." -Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

 

[Firebrand]

"Front Towards Enemy" - Claymore Mine

 

[2Tours N Iraq`]

When you hear the whiz of bullets, they are close. When you hear them crack your in deep doo doo!
-personal experience-

 

[The Kraken]

An FNG battalion commander approaches my helicopter one morning before his "AO orientation" flight and asks the doorgunner (not the sharpest tack in the box, but a darned good gunner), "Think she'll fly?". Gunner gives him the blankest of stares and says, "I don't think so, sir, cause we had the drag the f---ing thing all the way over here from Quan Loi, and the AC is really p!ssed!", and goes back about his business.

And it's what they DON'T teach you in class:

On short final into a fire support base one morning, I keyed the FM radio button and set off all of the claymores they'd put out the night before.

Thank God the LZ was on the top of the hill and the claymores were pointing downhill.

Oops!!! Sorry bout that, guys!!! They didn't teach that in flight school.

 

[Marek K]

Thank God the LZ was on the top of the hill and the claymores were pointing downhill.

See, Firebrand, why they have that FRONT TOWARD ENEMY molded in?

 

[Firebrand]

Roger!

 

[2Tours N Iraq`]

"U.S. ARMY" = Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet

"U.S. ARMY" backwards = Yes My Retarded (butt) Signed Up

 

[TCDiver1]

Military wisdom? Isn't that kinda oxymoronic like Military Intelligence?

Keep your butt safe over there 2Tours. We are pulling for ya over here.

 

[pipedope]

Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself


-----

"Bridge, engineering"
"Bridge"
"Nothing to worry about Captain, the flooding put out the fire."
"???"

 

[O2BBubbleFree]

I used to have a list of 'actual' entries on maintenance tags. Here's a couple I remember off the top of my head:

Pilot entry: Something loose in cockpit.
Maintenance response: Tightened something in cockpit.

Pilot entry: Nose tire almost needs replacing.
Maintenance response: Almost replaced nose tire.